The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第68部分

〃You'd　find　they're　not　all　clean。〃

There　was　silence　in　the　workshop。　The　lamplight　fell　on　the
burned　silver　bowl　that　lay　between　him；　on　mallet　and　furnace
and　chisel。　Brangwen　stood　with　a　queer；　catlike　light　on　his
face；　almost　like　a　smile。　But　it　was　no　smile。

〃Can　I　try？〃　she　said。

〃You　can　do　what　the　deuce　you　like；　and　go　where　you
like。〃

Her　face　was　fixed　and　expressionless　and　indifferent。　It
always　sent　him　to　a　pitch　of　frenzy　to　see　it　like　that。　He
kept　perfectly　still。

Cold；　without　any　betrayal　of　feeling；　she　turned　and　left
the　shed。　He　worked　on；　with　all　his　nerves　jangled。　Then　he　had
to　put　down　his　tools　and　go　into　the　house。

In　a　bitter　tone　of　anger　and　contempt　he　told　his　wife。
Ursula　was　present。　There　was　a　brief　altercation；　closed　by
Mrs。　Brangwen's　saying；　in　a　tone　of　biting　superiority　and
indifference：

〃Let　her　find　out　what　it's　like。　She'll　soon　have　had
enough。〃

The　matter　was　left　there。　But　Ursula　considered　herself　free
to　act。　For　some　days　she　made　no　move。　She　was　reluctant　to
take　the　cruel　step　of　finding　work；　for　she　shrank　with　extreme
sensitiveness　and　shyness　from　new　contact；　new　situations。　Then
at　length　a　sort　of　doggedness　drove　her。　Her　soul　was　full　of
bitterness。

She　went　to　the　Free　Library　in　Ilkeston；　copied　out
addresses　from　the　Schoolmistress；　and　wrote　for
application　forms。　After　two　days　she　rose　early　to　meet　the
postman。　As　she　expected；　there　were　three　long　envelopes。

Her　heart　beat　painfully　as　she　went　up　with　them　to　her
bedroom。　Her　fingers　trembled；　she　could　hardly　force　herself　to
look　at　the　long；　official　forms　she　had　to　fill　in。　The　whole
thing　was　so　cruel；　so　impersonal。　Yet　it　must　be　done。

〃Name　（surname　first）：。。。〃

In　a　trembling　hand　she　wrote；　〃Brangwen；Ursula。〃

〃Age　and　date　of　birth：。。。〃

After　a　long　time　considering；　she　filled　in　that　line。

〃Qualifications；　with　date　of　Examination：。。。〃

With　a　little　pride　she　wrote：

〃London　Matriculation　Examination。〃

〃Previous　experience　and　where　obtained：。。。〃

Her　heart　sank　as　she　wrote：

〃None。〃

Still　there　was　much　to　answer。　It　took　her　two　hours　to　fill
in　the　three　forms。　Then　she　had　to　copy　her　testimonials　from
her　headmistress　and　from　the　clergyman。

At　last；　however；　it　was　finished。　She　had　sealed　the　three
long　envelopes。　In　the　afternoon　she　went　down　to　Ilkeston　to
post　them。　She　said　nothing　of　it　all　to　her　parents。　As　she
stamped　her　long　letters　and　put　them　into　the　box　at　the　main
postoffice　she　felt　as　if　already　she　was　out　of　the　reach　of
her　father　and　mother；　as　if　she　had　connected　herself　with　the
outer；　greater　world　of　activity；　the　manmade　world。

As　she　returned　home；　she　dreamed　again　in　her　own　fashion
her　old；　geous　dreams。　One　of　her　applications　was　to
Gillingham；　in　Kent；　one　to　KingstononThames；　and　one　to
Swanwick　in　Derbyshire。

Gillingham　was　such　a　lovely　name；　and　Kent　was　the　Garden　of
England。　So　that；　in　Gillingham；　an　old；　old　village　by　the
hopfields；　where　the　sun　shone　softly；　she　came　out　of　school　in
the　afternoon　into　the　shadow　of　the　plane　trees　by　the　gate；
and　turned　down　the　sleepy　road　towards　the　cottage　where
cornflowers　poked　their　blue　heads　through　the　old　wooden　fence；
and　phlox　stood　built　up　of　blossom　beside　the　path。

A　delicate；　silverhaired　lady　rose　with　delicate；　ivory
hands　uplifted　as　Ursula　entered　the　room；　and：

〃Oh；　my　dear；　what　do　you　think！〃

〃What　is　it；　Mrs。　Wetherall？〃

Frederick　had　e　home。　Nay；　his　manly　step　was　heard　on　the
stair；　she　saw　his　strong　boots；　his　blue　trousers；　his
uniformed　figure；　and　then　his　face；　clean　and　keen　as　an
eagle's；　and　his　eyes　lit　up　with　the　glamour　of　strange　seas；
ah；　strange　seas　that　had　woven　through　his　soul；　as　he
descended　into　the　kitchen。

This　dream；　with　its　amplifications；　lasted　her　a　mile　of
walking。　Then　she　went　to　KingstononThames。

KingstononThames　was　an　old　historic　place　just　south　of
London。　There　lived　the　wellborn　dignified　souls　who　belonged
to　the　metropolis；　but　who　loved　peace。　There　she　met　a
wonderful　family　of　girls　living　in　a　large　old　Queen　Anne
house；　whose　lawns　sloped　to　the　river；　and　in　an　atmosphere　of
stately　peace　she　found　herself　among　her　soul's　intimates。　They
loved　her　as　sisters；　they　shared　with　her　all　noble
thoughts。

She　was　happy　again。　In　her　musings　she　spread　her　poor；
clipped　wings；　and　flew　into　the　pure　empyrean。

Day　followed　day。　She　did　not　speak　to　her　parents。　Then　came
the　return　of　her　testimonials　from　Gillingham。　She　was　not
wanted；　neither　at　Swanwick。　The　bitterness　of　rejection
followed　the　sweets　of　hope。　Her　bright　feathers　were　in　the
dust　again。

Then；　suddenly；　after　a　fortnight；　came　an　intimation　from
KingstononThames。　She　was　to　appear　at　the　Education　Office　of
that　town　on　the　following　Thursday；　for　an　interview　with　the
mittee。　Her　heart　stood　still。　She　knew　she　would　make　the
mittee　accept　her。　Now　she　was　afraid；　now　that　her　removal
was　imminent。　Her　heart　quivered　with　fear　and　reluctance。　But
underneath　her　purpose　was　fixed。

She　passed　shadowily　through　the　day；　unwilling　to　tell　her
news　to　her　mother；　waiting　for　her　father。　Suspense　and　fear
were　strong　upon　her。　She　dreaded　going　to　Kingston。　Her　easy
dreams　disappeared　from　the　grasp　of　reality。

And　yet；　as　the　afternoon　wore　away；　the　sweetness　of　the
dream　returned　again。　KingstononThamesthere　was　such
sound　of　dignity　to　her。　The　shadow　of　history　and　the　glamour
of　stately　progress　enveloped　her。　The　palaces　would　be　old　and
darkened；　the　place　of　kings　obscured。　Yet　it　was　a　place　of
kings　for　herRichard　and　Henry　and　Wolsey　and　Queen
Elizabeth。　She　divined　great　lawns　with　noble　trees；　and
terraces　whose　steps　the　water　washed　softly；　where　the　swans
sometimes　came　to　earth。　Still　she　must　see　the　stately；
geous　barge　of　the　Queen　float　down；　the　crimson　carpet　put
upon　the　landing　stairs；　the　gentlemen　in　their　purplevelvet
cloaks；　bareheaded；　standing　in　the　sunshine　grouped　on　either
side　waiting。

〃Sweet　Thames；　run　softly　till　I　end　my　song。〃

Evening　came；　her　father　returned　home；　sanguine　and　alert
and　detached　as　ever。　He　was　less　real　than　her　fancies。　She
waited　whilst　he　ate　his　tea。　He　took　big　mouthfuls；　big　bites；
and　ate　unconsciously　with　the　same　abandon　an　animal　gives　to
its　food。

Immediately　after　tea　he　went　over　to　the　church。　It　was
choirpractice；　and　he　wanted　to　try　the　tunes　on　his　an。

The　latch　of　the　big　door　clicked　loudly　as　she　came　after
him；　but　the　an　rolled　more　loudly　still。　He　was　unaware。　He
was　practicing　the　anthem。　She　saw　his　small；　jetblack　head　and
alert　face　between　the　candleflames；　his　slim　body　sagged　on
the　musicstool。　His　face　was　so　luminous　and　fixed；　the
movements　of　his　limbs　seemed　strange；　apart　from　him。　The　sound
of　the　an　seemed　to　belong　to　the　very　stone　of　the　pillars；
like　sap　running　in　them。

Then　there　was　a　close　of　music　and　silence。

〃Father！〃　she　said。

He　looked　round　as　if　at　an　apparition。　Ursula　stood
shadowily　within　the　candlelight。

〃What　now？〃　he　said；　not　ing　to　earth。

It　was　difficult　to　speak　to　him。

〃I've　got　a　situation；〃　she　said；　forcing　herself　to
speak。

〃You've　got　what？〃　he　answered；　unwilling　to　e　out　of　his
mood　of　anplaying。　He　closed　the　music　before　him。

〃I've　got　a　situation　to　go　to。〃

Then　he　turned　to　her；　still　abstracted；　unwilling。

〃Oh；　where's　that？〃　he　said。

〃At　KingstononThames。　I　must　go　on　Thursday　for　an
interview　with　the　mittee。〃

〃You　must　go　on　Thursday？〃

〃Yes。〃

And　she　handed　him　the　letter。　He　read　it　by　the　light　of　the
candles。

〃Ursula　Brangwen；　Yew　Tree　Cottage；　Cossethay；
Derbyshire。

〃Dear　Madam；　You　are　requested　to　call　at　the　above　offices
on　Thursday　next；　the　10th；　at　11。30　a。m。；　for　an　interview　with
the　mittee；　referring　to　your　application　for　the　post　of
assistant　mistress　at　the　Wellingborough　Green　Schools。〃

It　was　very　difficult　for　Brangwen　to　take　in　this　remote　and
official　information；　glowing　as　he　was　within　the　quiet　of　his
church　and　his　anthem　music。

〃Well；　you　needn't　bother　me　with　it　now；　need　you？'　he　said
impatiently；　giving　her　back　the　letter。

〃I've　got　to　go　on　Thursday；〃　she　said。

He　sat　motionless。　Then　he　reached　more　music；　and　there　was
a　rushing　sound　of　air；　then　a　long；　emphatic　trumpetnote　of
the　an；　as　he　laid　his　hands　on　the　keys。　Ursula　turned　and
went　away。

He　tried　to　give　himself　again　to　the　an。　But　he　could
not。　He　could　not　get　back。　All　the　time　a　sort　of　string　was
tugging；　tugging　him　elsewhere；　miserably。

So　that　when　he　came　into　the　house　after　choirpractice　his
face　was　dark　and　his　heart　black。　He　said　nothing　however；
until　all　the　younger　children　were　in　bed。　Ursula；　however；
knew　what　was　brewing。

At　length　he　asked：

〃Where's　that　letter？〃

She　gave　it　to　him。　He　sat　looking　at　it。　〃You　are　requested
to　call　at　the　above　offices　on　Thursday　next〃　It
was　a　cold；　official　notice　to　Ursula　herself　and　had　nothing　to
do　with　him。　So！　She　existed　now　as　a　separate　social
individual。　It　was　for　her　to　answer　this　note；　without　regard
to　him。　He　had　even　no　right　to　interfere。　His　heart　was　hard
and　angry。

〃You　had　to　do　it　behind　our　backs；　had　you？〃　he　said；　with　a
sneer。　And　her　heart　leapt　with　hot　pain。　She　knew　she　was
freeshe　had　broken　away　from　him。　He　was　beaten。

〃You　said；　'let　her　try；'〃　she　retorted；　almost　apologizing
to　him。

He　did　not　hear。　He　sat　looking　at　the　letter。

〃Education　Office；　KingstononThames〃and　then　the
typewritten　〃Miss　Ursula　Brangwen；　Yew　Tree　Cottage；　Cossethay。〃
It　was　all　so　plete　and　so　final。　He　could　not　but　feel　the
new　position　Ursula　held；　as　recipient　of　that　letter。　It　was　an
iron　in　his　soul。

〃Well；〃　he　said　at　length；　〃you're　not　going。〃

Ursula　started　and　could　find　no　words　to　clamour　her
revolt。

〃If　you　think　you're　going　dancin'　off　to　th'　other　side　of
London；　you're　mistaken。〃

〃Why　not？〃　she　cried；　at　once　hard　fixed　in　her　will　to
go。

〃That's　why　not；〃　he　said。

And　there　was　silence　till　Mrs。　Brangwen　came　downstairs。

〃Look　here；　Anna；〃　he　said；　handing　her　the　letter。

She　put　back　her　head；　seeing　a　typewritten　letter；
anticipating　trouble　from　the　outside　world。　There　was　the
curious；　sliding　motion　of　her　eyes；　as　if　she　shut　off　her
sentient；　maternal　self；　and　a　kind　of　hard　trance；　meaningless；
took　its　place。　Thus；　meaningless；　she　glanced　over　the　letter；
careful　not　to　take　it　in。　She　apprehended　the　contents　with　her
callous；　superficial　mind。　Her　feeling　self　was　shut　down。

〃What　post　is　it？〃　she　asked。

〃She　wants　to　go　and　be　a　teacher　in　KingstononThames；　at
fifty　pounds　a　year。〃

〃Oh；　indeed。〃

The　mother　spoke　as　if　it　were　a　hostile　fact　concerning　some
stranger。　She　would　have　let　her　go；　out　of　callousness。　Mrs。
Brangwen　would　begin　to　grow　up　again　only　with　her　youngest
child。　Her　eldest　girl　was　in　the　way　now。

〃She's　not　going　all　that　distance；〃　said　the　father。

〃I　have　to　go　where　they　want　me；〃　cried　Ursula。　〃And　it's　a
good　place　to　go　to。