to her mother and to herself all the time。 It was wonderful to
have his awareness in the room。 She felt rich and augmented by
it； as if she were the positive attraction and he the flow
towards her。 And his courtesy and his agreement might be all her
mother's； but the lambent flicker of his body was for herself。
She held it。
She must ever prove her power。
〃I meant to show you my little woodcarving；〃 she said。
〃I'm sure it's not worth showing； that；〃 said her father。
〃Would you like to see it？〃 she asked； leaning towards the
door。
And his body had risen from the chair； though his face seemed
to want to agree with her parents。
〃It is in the shed；〃 she said。
And he followed her out of the door； whatever his feelings
might be。
In the shed they played at kisses； really played at kisses。
It was a delicious； exciting game。 She turned to him； her face
all laughing； like a challenge。 And he accepted the challenge at
once。 He twined his hand full of her hair； and gently； with his
hand wrapped round with hair behind her head； gradually brought
her face nearer to his； whilst she laughed breathless with
challenge； and his eyes gleamed with answer； with enjoyment of
the game。 And he kissed her； asserting his will over her； and
she kissed him back； asserting her deliberate enjoyment of him。
Daring and reckless and dangerous they knew it was； their game；
each playing with fire； not with love。 A sort of defiance of all
the world possessed her in itshe would kiss him just
because she wanted to。 And a daredevilry in him； like a
cynicism； a cut at everything he pretended to serve； retaliated
in him。
She was very beautiful then； so wide opened； so radiant； so
palpitating； exquisitely vulnerable and poignantly； wrongly；
throwing herself to risk。 It roused a sort of madness in him。
Like a flower shaking and wideopened in the sun； she tempted
him and challenged him； and he accepted the challenge； something
went fixed in him。 And under all her laughing； poignant
recklessness was the quiver of tears。 That almost sent him mad；
mad with desire； with pain； whose only issue was through
possession of her body。
So； shaken； afraid； they went back to her parents in the
kitchen； and dissimulated。 But something was roused in both of
them that they could not now allay。 It intensified and
heightened their senses； they were more vivid； and powerful in
their being。 But under it all was a poignant sense of
transience。 It was a magnificent selfassertion on the part of
both of them； he asserted himself before her； he felt himself
infinitely male and infinitely irresistible； she asserted
herself before him； she knew herself infinitely desirable； and
hence infinitely strong。 And after all； what could either of
them get from such a passion but a sense of his or of her own
maximum self； in contradistinction to all the rest of life？
Wherein was something finite and sad； for the human soul at its
maximum wants a sense of the infinite。
Nevertheless； it was begun now； this passion； and must go on；
the passion of Ursula to know her own maximum self； limited and
so defined against him。 She could limit and define herself
against him； the male； she could be her maximum self； female； oh
female； triumphant for one moment in exquisite assertion against
the male； in supreme contradistinction to the male。
The next afternoon； when he came； prowling； she went with him
across to the church。 Her father was gradually gathering in
anger against him； her mother was hardening in anger against
her。 But the parents were naturally tolerant in action。
They went together across the churchyard； Ursula and
Skrebensky； and ran to hiding in the church。 It was dimmer in
there than the sunny afternoon outside； but the mellow glow
among the bowed stone was very sweet。 The windows burned in ruby
and in blue； they made magnificent arras to their bower of
secret stone。
〃What a perfect place for a rendezvous；〃 he said； in a
hushed voice； glancing round。
She too glanced round the familiar interior。 The dimness and
stillness chilled her。 But her eyes lit up with daring。 Here；
here she would assert her indomitable geous female self；
here。 Here she would open her female flower like a flame； in
this dimness that was more passionate than light。
They hung apart a moment； then wilfully turned to each other
for the desired contact。 She put her arms round him； she cleaved
her body to his； and with her hands pressed upon his shoulders；
on his back； she seemed to feel right through him； to know his
young； tense body right through。 And it was so fine； so hard；
yet so exquisitely subject and under her control。 She reached
him her mouth and drank his full kiss； drank it fuller and
fuller。
And it was so good； it was very； very good。 She seemed to be
filled with his kiss； filled as if she had drunk strong； glowing
sunshine。 She glowed all inside； the sunshine seemed to beat
upon her heart underneath； she had drunk so beautifully。
She drew away； and looked at him radiant； exquisitely；
glowingly beautiful； and satisfied； but radiant as an illumined
cloud。
To him this was bitter； that she was so radiant and
satisfied。 She laughed upon him； blind to him； so full of her
own bliss； never doubting but that he was the same as she was。
And radiant as an angel she went with him out of the church； as
if her feet were beams of light that walked on flowers for
footsteps。
He went beside her； his soul clenched； his body unsatisfied。
Was she going to make this easy triumph over him？ For him； there
was now no selfbliss； only pain and confused anger。
It was high summer； and the hayharvest was almost over。 It
would be finished on Saturday。 On Saturday； however； Skrebensky
was going away。 He could not stay any longer。
Having decided to go he became very tender and loving to her；
kissing her gently； with such soft； sweet； insidious closeness
that they were both of them intoxicated。
The very last Friday of his stay he met her ing out of
school； and took her to tea in the town。 Then he had a motorcar
to drive her home。
Her excitement at riding in a motorcar was greatest of all。
He too was very proud of this last coup。 He saw Ursula kindle
and flare up to the romance of the situation。 She raised her
head like a young horse snuffing with wild delight。
The car swerved round a corner； and Ursula was swung against
Skrebensky。 The contact made her aware of him。 With a swift；
foraging impulse she sought for his hand and clasped it in her
own； so close； so bined； as if they were two children。
The wind blew in on Ursula's face； the mud flew in a soft；
wild rush from the wheels； the country was blackish green； with
the silver of new hay here and there； and masses of trees under
a silvergleaming sky。
Her hand tightened on his with a new consciousness； troubled。
They did not speak for some time； but sat； handfast； with
averted； shining faces。
And every now and then the car swung her against him。 And
they waited for the motion to bring them together。 Yet they
stared out of the windows； mute。
She saw the familiar country racing by。 But now； it was no
familiar country； it was wonderland。 There was the Hemlock Stone
standing on its grassy hill。 Strange it looked on this wet；
early summer evening； remote； in a magic land。 Some rooks were
flying out of the trees。
Ah； if only she and Skrebensky could get out； dismount into
this enchanted land where nobody had ever been before！ Then they
would be enchanted people； they would put off the dull；
customary self。 If she were wandering there； on that hillslope
under a silvery； changing sky； in which many rooks melted like
hurrying showers of blots！ If they could walk past the wetted
hayswaths； smelling the early evening； and pass in to the wood
where the honeysuckle scent was sweet on the cold tang in the
air； and showers of drops fell when one brushed a bough； cold
and lovely on the face！
But she was here with him in the car； close to him； and the
wind was rushing on her lifted； eager face； blowing back the
hair。 He turned and looked at her； at her face clean as a
chiselled thing； her hair chiselled back by the wind； her fine
nose keen and lifted。
It was agony to him； seeing her swift and cleancut and
virgin。 He wanted to kill himself； and throw his detested
carcase at her feet。 His desire to turn round on himself and
rend himself was an agony to him。
Suddenly she glanced at him。 He seemed to be crouching
towards her； reaching； he seemed to wince between the brows。 But
instantly； seeing her lighted eyes and radiant face； his
expression changed； his old reckless laugh shone to her。 She
pressed his hand in utter delight； and he abided。 And suddenly
she stooped and kissed his hand； bent her head and caught it to
her mouth； in generous homage。 And the blood burned in him。 Yet
he remained still； he made no move。
She started。 They were swinging into Cossethay。 Skrebensky
was going to leave her。 But it was all so magic； her cup was so
full of bright wine； her eyes could only shine。
He tapped and spoke to the man。 The car swung up by the yew
trees。 She gave him her hand and said goodbye； naive and brief
as a schoolgirl。 And she stood watching him go； her face
shining。 The fact of his driving on meant nothing to her； she
was so filled by her own bright ecstacy。 She did not see him go；
for she was filled with light； which was of him。 Bright with an
amazing light as she was； how could she miss him。
In her bedroom she threw her arms in the air in clear pain of
magnificence。 Oh； it was her transfiguration； she was beyond
herself。 She wanted to fling herself into all the hidden
brightness of the air。 It was there； it was there； if she could
but meet it。
But the next day she knew he had gone。 Her glory had partly
died downbut never from her memory。 It was too real。 Yet
it was gone by； leaving a wistfulness。 A deeper yearning came
into her soul； a new reserve。
She shrank from touch and question。 She was very proud； but
very new； and very sensitive。 Oh； that no one should lay hands
on her！
She was happier running on by herself。 Oh； it was a joy to
run along the lanes without seeing things； yet being with them。
It was such a joy to be alone with all one's riches。
The holidays came； when she was free。 She spent most of her
time running on by herself； curled up in a squirrelplace in the
garden； lying in a hammock in the coppice； while the birds came
nearnearso near。 Oh； in rainy weather； she flitted
to the Marsh； and lay hidden with her book in a hayloft。
All the time； she dreamed of him； sometimes definitely； but
when she was happiest； only vaguely。 He was the warm colouring
of her dreams； he was the hot blood beating within them。
When she was less happy； out of sorts； she pondered over his
appearance； his clothes； the buttons with his regimental badge；
which he had given her。 Or she tried to imagine his life in
barracks。 Or she conjured up a vision of herself as she appeared
in his eyes。
His birthday was in August； and she spent some pains on
making him a cake。 She felt that it would not be in good taste
for her to give him a present。
Their correspondence was brief； mostly an e