his feet。 She was very glad she had e to her own self。 She
was grateful to Brangwen。 She reached out to him in gratitude；
into death。
In her heart she felt a vague tenderness and pity for her
first husband； who had been her lord。 He was so wrong when he
died。 She could not bear it； that he had never lived； never
really bee himself。 And he had been her lord！ Strange； it all
had been！ Why had he been her lord？ He seemed now so far off； so
without bearing on her。
〃Which did you； grandmother？〃
〃What？〃
〃Like best。〃
〃I liked them both。 I married the first when I was quite a
girl。 Then I loved your grandfather when I was a woman。 There is
a difference。〃
They were silent for a time。
〃Did you cry when my first grandfather died？〃 the child
asked。
Lydia Brangwen rocked herself on the bed； thinking aloud。
〃When we came to England； he hardly ever spoke； he was too
much concerned to take any notice of anybody。 He grew thinner
and thinner； till his cheeks were hollow and his mouth stuck
out。 He wasn't handsome any more。 I knew he couldn't bear being
beaten； I thought everything was lost in the world。 Only I had
your mother a baby； it was no use my dying。
〃He looked at me with his black eyes； almost as if he hated
me； when he was ill； and said； 'It only wanted this。 It only
wanted that I should leave you and a young child to starve in
this London。' I told him we should not starve。 But I was young；
and foolish； and frightened； which he knew。
〃He was bitter； and he never gave way。 He lay beating his
brains； to see what he could do。 'I don't know what you will
do；' he said。 'I am no good； I am a failure from beginning to
end。 I cannot even provide for my wife and child！'
〃But you see； it was not for him to provide for us。 My life
went on； though his stopped； and I married your grandfather。
〃I ought to have known； I ought to have been able to say to
him： 'Don't be so bitter； don't die because this has failed。 You
are not the beginning and the end。' But I was too young； he had
never let me bee myself； I thought he was truly the beginning
and the end。 So I let him take all upon himself。 Yet all did not
depend on him。 Life must go on； and I must marry your
grandfather； and have your Uncle Tom； and your Uncle Fred。 We
cannot take so much upon ourselves。〃
The child's heart beat fast as she listened to these things。
She could not understand； but she seemed to feel faroff things。
It gave her a deep； joyous thrill； to know she hailed from far
off； from Poland； and that darkbearded impressive man。 Strange；
her antecedents were； and she felt fate on either side of her
terrible。
Almost every day； Ursula saw her grandmother； and every time；
they talked together。 Till the grandmother's sayings and
stories； told in the plete hush of the Marsh bedroom；
accumulated with mystic significance； and became a sort of Bible
to the child。
And Ursula asked her deepest childish questions of her
grandmother。
〃Will somebody love me； grandmother？〃
〃Many people love you； child。 We all love you。〃
〃But when I am grown up； will somebody love me？〃
〃Yes； some man will love you； child； because it's your
nature。 And I hope it will be somebody who will love you for
what you are； and not for what he wants of you。 But we have a
right to what we want。〃
Ursula was frightened； hearing these things。 Her heart sank；
she felt she had no ground under her feet。 She clung to her
grandmother。 Here was peace and security。 Here； from her
grandmother's peaceful room； the door opened on to the greater
space； the past； which was so big； that all it contained seemed
tiny； loves and births and deaths； tiny units and features
within a vast horizon。 That was a great relief； to know the tiny
importance of the individual； within the great past。
CHAPTER X
THE WIDENING CIRCLE
It was very burdensome to Ursula； that she was the eldest of
the family。 By the time she was eleven； she had to take to
school Gudrun and Theresa and Catherine。 The boy； William；
always called Billy； so that he should not be confused with his
father； was a lovable； rather delicate child of three； so he
stayed at home as yet。 There was another baby girl； called
Cassandra。
The children went for a time to the little church school just
near the Marsh。 It was the only place within reach； and being so
small； Mrs。 Brangwen felt safe in sending her children there；
though the village boys did nickname Ursula 〃Urtler〃； and Gudrun
〃Goodrunner〃； and Theresa 〃Teapot〃。
Gudrun and Ursula were comates。 The second child； with her
long； sleepy body and her endless chain of fancies； would have
nothing to do with realities。 She was not for them； she was for
her own fancies。 Ursula was the one for realities。 So Gudrun
left all such to her elder sister； and trusted in her
implicitly； indifferently。 Ursula had a great tenderness for her
comate sister。
It was no good trying to make Gudrun responsible。 She floated
along like a fish in the sea； perfect within the medium of her
own difference and being。 Other existence did not trouble her。
Only she believed in Ursula； and trusted to Ursula。
The eldest child was very much fretted by her responsibility
for the other young ones。 Especially Theresa； a sturdy；
boldeyed thing； had a faculty for warfare。
〃Our Ursula； Billy Pillins has lugged my hair。〃
〃What did you say to him？〃
〃I said nothing。〃
Then the Brangwen girls were in for a feud with the
Pillinses； or Phillipses。
〃You won't pull my hair again； Billy Pillins；〃 said Theresa；
walking with her sisters； and looking superbly at the freckled；
redhaired boy。
〃Why shan't I？〃 retorted Billy Pillins。
〃You won't because you dursn't；〃 said the tiresome
Theresa。
〃You e here； then； Teapot； an' see if I dursna。〃
Up marched Teapot； and immediately Billy Pillins lugged her
black； snaky locks。 In a rage she flew at him。 Immediately in
rushed Ursula and Gudrun； and little Katie； in clashed the other
Phillipses； Clem and Walter； and Eddie Anthony。 Then there was a
fray。 The Brangwen girls were wellgrown and stronger than many
boys。 But for pinafores and long hair； they would have carried
easy victories。 They went home； however； with hair lugged and
pinafores torn。 It was a joy to the Phillips boys to rip the
pinafores of the Brangwen girls。
Then there was an outcry。 Mrs。 Brangwen would not have
it； no； she would not。 All her innate dignity and
standoffishness rose up。 Then there was the vicar lecturing the
school。 〃It was a sad thing that the boys of Cossethay could not
behave more like gentlemen to the girls of Cossethay。 Indeed；
what kind of boy was it that should set upon a girl； and kick
her； and beat her； and tear her pinafore？ That boy deserved
severe castigation； and the name of coward； for no boy
who was not a cowardetc。； etc。〃
Meanwhile much hangdog fury in the Pillinses' hearts； much
virtue in the Brangwen girls'； particularly in Theresa's。 And
the feud continued； with periods of extraordinary amity； when
Ursula was Clem Phillips's sweetheart； and Gudrun was Walter's；
and Theresa was Billy's； and even the tiny Katie had to be Eddie
Ant'ny's sweetheart。 There was the closest union。 At every
possible moment the little gang of Brangwens and Phillipses flew
together。 Yet neither Ursula nor Gudrun would have any real
intimacy with the Phillips boys。 It was a sort of fiction to
them； this alliance and this dubbing of sweethearts。
Again Mrs。 Brangwen rose up。
〃Ursula； I will not have you raking the roads with
lads； so I tell you。 Now stop it； and the rest will stop
it。〃
How Ursula hated always to represent the little
Brangwen club。 She could never be herself； no； she was always
UrsulaGudrunTheresaCatherineand later even Billy was
added on to her。 Moreover； she did not want the Phillipses
either。 She was out of taste with them。
However； the BrangwenPillins coalition readily broke down；
owing to the unfair superiority of the Brangwens。 The Brangwens
were rich。 They had free access to the Marsh Farm。 The school
teachers were almost respectful to the girls； the vicar spoke to
them on equal terms。 The Brangwen girls presumed； they tossed
their heads。
〃You're not ivrybody； Urtler Brangwin； uglymug；〃 said
Clem Phillips； his face going very red。
〃I'm better than you； for all that；〃 retorted Urtler。
〃You think you arewi' a face like
thatUgly Mug；Urtler Brangwin；〃 he began to jeer；
trying to set all the others in cry against her。 Then there was
hostility again。 How she hated their jeering。 She became
cold against the Phillipses。 Ursula was very proud in her
family。 The Brangwen girls had all a curious blind dignity； even
a kind of nobility in their bearing。 By some result of breed and
upbringing； they seemed to rush along their own lives without
caring that they existed to other people。 Never from the start
did it occur to Ursula that other people might hold a low
opinion of her。 She thought that whosoever knew her； knew she
was enough and accepted her as such。 She thought it was a world
of people like herself。 She suffered bitterly if she were forced
to have a low opinion of any person； and she never fave that
person。
This was maddening to many little people。 All their lives；
the Brangwens were meeting folk who tried to pull them down to
make them seem little。 Curiously； the mother was aware of what
would happen； and was always ready to give her children the
advantage of the move。
When Ursula was twelve； and the mon school and the
panionship of the village children； niggardly and begrudging；
was beginning to affect her； Anna sent her with Gudrun to the
Grammar School in Nottingham。 This was a great release for
Ursula。 She had a passionate craving to escape from the
belittling circumstances of life； the little jealousies； the
little differences； the little meannesses。 It was a torture to
her that the Phillipses were poorer and meaner than herself；
that they used mean little reservations； took petty little
advantages。 She wanted to be with her equals： but not by
diminishing herself。 She did want Clem Phillips to be her
equal。 But by some puzzling； painful fate or other； when he was
really there with her； he produced in her a tight feeling in the
head。 She wanted to beat her forehead； to escape。
Then she found that the way to escape was easy。 One departed
from the whole circumstance。 One went away to the Grammar
School； and left the little school； the meagre teachers； the
Phillipses whom she had tried to love but who had made her fail；
and whom she could not five。 She had an instinctive fear of
petty people； as a deer is afraid of dogs。 Because she was
blind； she could not calculate nor estimate people。 She must
think that everybody was just like herself。
She measured by the standard of her own people： her father
and mother； her grandmother； her uncles。 Her beloved father； so
utterly simple in his demeanour； yet with his strong； dark soul
fixed like a root in unexpressed depths that fascinated and
terrified her： her mother； so strangely free of all money and
convention and fear； entirely indifferent to the world； standing
by herself； without connection： her grandmother； who had e
from so far and was centr