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The Rainbow-ºç(Ó¢ÎÄ°æ)- µÚ2²¿·Ö


°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡û »ò ¡ú ¿É¿ìËÙÉÏÏ·­Ò³£¬°´¼üÅÌÉ쵀 Enter ¼ü¿É»Øµ½±¾ÊéĿ¼ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡ü ¿É»Øµ½±¾Ò³¶¥²¿£¡
much¡¡fonder¡¡of¡¡Tom¡¡Brangwen£»¡¡and¡¡more¡¡at¡¡their¡¡ease¡¡with¡¡him£»
yet¡¡if¡¡their¡¡lives¡¡had¡¡been¡¡robbed¡¡of¡¡the¡¡vicar£»¡¡and¡¡of¡¡Lord
William£»¡¡the¡¡leading¡¡shoot¡¡would¡¡have¡¡been¡¡cut¡¡away¡¡from¡¡them£»
they¡¡would¡¡have¡¡been¡¡heavy¡¡and¡¡uninspired¡¡and¡¡inclined¡¡to¡¡hate¡£
So¡¡long¡¡as¡¡the¡¡wonder¡¡of¡¡the¡¡beyond¡¡was¡¡before¡¡them£»¡¡they¡¡could
get¡¡along£»¡¡whatever¡¡their¡¡lot¡£¡¡And¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Hardy£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡vicar£»
and¡¡Lord¡¡William£»¡¡these¡¡moved¡¡in¡¡the¡¡wonder¡¡of¡¡the¡¡beyond£»¡¡and
were¡¡visible¡¡to¡¡the¡¡eyes¡¡of¡¡Cossethay¡¡in¡¡their¡¡motion¡£

II

About¡¡1840£»¡¡a¡¡canal¡¡was¡¡constructed¡¡across¡¡the¡¡meadows¡¡of¡¡the
Marsh¡¡Farm£»¡¡connecting¡¡the¡¡newlyopened¡¡collieries¡¡of¡¡the
Erewash¡¡Valley¡£¡¡A¡¡high¡¡embankment¡¡travelled¡¡along¡¡the¡¡fields¡¡to
carry¡¡the¡¡canal£»¡¡which¡¡passed¡¡close¡¡to¡¡the¡¡homestead£»¡¡and£»
reaching¡¡the¡¡road£»¡¡went¡¡over¡¡in¡¡a¡¡heavy¡¡bridge¡£

So¡¡the¡¡Marsh¡¡was¡¡shut¡¡off¡¡from¡¡Ilkeston£»¡¡and¡¡enclosed¡¡in¡¡the
small¡¡valley¡¡bed£»¡¡which¡¡ended¡¡in¡¡a¡¡bushy¡¡hill¡¡and¡¡the¡¡village
spire¡¡of¡¡Cossethay¡£

The¡¡Brangwens¡¡received¡¡a¡¡fair¡¡sum¡¡of¡¡money¡¡from¡¡this¡¡trespass
across¡¡their¡¡land¡£¡¡Then£»¡¡a¡¡short¡¡time¡¡afterwards£»¡¡a¡¡colliery¡¡was
sunk¡¡on¡¡the¡¡other¡¡side¡¡of¡¡the¡¡canal£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡a¡¡while¡¡the¡¡Midland
Railway¡¡came¡¡down¡¡the¡¡valley¡¡at¡¡the¡¡foot¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Ilkeston¡¡hill£»
and¡¡the¡¡invasion¡¡was¡¡plete¡£¡¡The¡¡town¡¡grew¡¡rapidly£»¡¡the
Brangwens¡¡were¡¡kept¡¡busy¡¡producing¡¡supplies£»¡¡they¡¡became¡¡richer£»
they¡¡were¡¡almost¡¡tradesmen¡£

Still¡¡the¡¡Marsh¡¡remained¡¡remote¡¡and¡¡original£»¡¡on¡¡the¡¡old£»
quiet¡¡side¡¡of¡¡the¡¡canal¡¡embankment£»¡¡in¡¡the¡¡sunny¡¡valley¡¡where
slow¡¡water¡¡wound¡¡along¡¡in¡¡pany¡¡of¡¡stiff¡¡alders£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡road
went¡¡under¡¡ashtrees¡¡past¡¡the¡¡Brangwens'¡¡garden¡¡gate¡£

But£»¡¡looking¡¡from¡¡the¡¡garden¡¡gate¡¡down¡¡the¡¡road¡¡to¡¡the¡¡right£»
there£»¡¡through¡¡the¡¡dark¡¡archway¡¡of¡¡the¡¡canal's¡¡square¡¡aqueduct£»
was¡¡a¡¡colliery¡¡spinning¡¡away¡¡in¡¡the¡¡near¡¡distance£»¡¡and¡¡further£»
red£»¡¡crude¡¡houses¡¡plastered¡¡on¡¡the¡¡valley¡¡in¡¡masses£»¡¡and¡¡beyond
all£»¡¡the¡¡dim¡¡smoking¡¡hill¡¡of¡¡the¡¡town¡£

The¡¡homestead¡¡was¡¡just¡¡on¡¡the¡¡safe¡¡side¡¡of¡¡civilization£»
outside¡¡the¡¡gate¡£¡¡The¡¡house¡¡stood¡¡bare¡¡from¡¡the¡¡road£»¡¡approached
by¡¡a¡¡straight¡¡garden¡¡path£»¡¡along¡¡which¡¡at¡¡spring¡¡the¡¡daffodils
were¡¡thick¡¡in¡¡green¡¡and¡¡yellow¡£¡¡At¡¡the¡¡sides¡¡of¡¡the¡¡house¡¡were
bushes¡¡of¡¡lilac¡¡and¡¡guelderrose¡¡and¡¡privet£»¡¡entirely¡¡hiding¡¡the
farm¡¡buildings¡¡behind¡£

At¡¡the¡¡back¡¡a¡¡confusion¡¡of¡¡sheds¡¡spread¡¡into¡¡the¡¡homeclose
from¡¡out¡¡of¡¡two¡¡or¡¡three¡¡indistinct¡¡yards¡£¡¡The¡¡duckpond¡¡lay
beyond¡¡the¡¡furthest¡¡wall£»¡¡littering¡¡its¡¡white¡¡feathers¡¡on¡¡the
padded¡¡earthen¡¡banks£»¡¡blowing¡¡its¡¡stray¡¡soiled¡¡feathers¡¡into¡¡the
grass¡¡and¡¡the¡¡gorse¡¡bushes¡¡below¡¡the¡¡canal¡¡embankment£»¡¡which
rose¡¡like¡¡a¡¡high¡¡rampart¡¡near¡¡at¡¡hand£»¡¡so¡¡that¡¡occasionally¡¡a
man's¡¡figure¡¡passed¡¡in¡¡silhouette£»¡¡or¡¡a¡¡man¡¡and¡¡a¡¡towing¡¡horse
traversed¡¡the¡¡sky¡£

At¡¡first¡¡the¡¡Brangwens¡¡were¡¡astonished¡¡by¡¡all¡¡this¡¡motion
around¡¡them¡£¡¡The¡¡building¡¡of¡¡a¡¡canal¡¡across¡¡their¡¡land¡¡made¡¡them
strangers¡¡in¡¡their¡¡own¡¡place£»¡¡this¡¡raw¡¡bank¡¡of¡¡earth¡¡shutting
them¡¡off¡¡disconcerted¡¡them¡£¡¡As¡¡they¡¡worked¡¡in¡¡the¡¡fields£»¡¡from
beyond¡¡the¡¡now¡¡familiar¡¡embankment¡¡came¡¡the¡¡rhythmic¡¡run¡¡of¡¡the
winding¡¡engines£»¡¡startling¡¡at¡¡first£»¡¡but¡¡afterwards¡¡a¡¡narcotic
to¡¡the¡¡brain¡£¡¡Then¡¡the¡¡shrill¡¡whistle¡¡of¡¡the¡¡trains¡¡reechoed
through¡¡the¡¡heart£»¡¡with¡¡fearsome¡¡pleasure£»¡¡announcing¡¡the
faroff¡¡e¡¡near¡¡and¡¡imminent¡£

As¡¡they¡¡drove¡¡home¡¡from¡¡town£»¡¡the¡¡farmers¡¡of¡¡the¡¡land¡¡met¡¡the
blackened¡¡colliers¡¡trooping¡¡from¡¡the¡¡pitmouth¡£¡¡As¡¡they¡¡gathered
the¡¡harvest£»¡¡the¡¡west¡¡wind¡¡brought¡¡a¡¡faint£»¡¡sulphurous¡¡smell¡¡of
pitrefuse¡¡burning¡£¡¡As¡¡they¡¡pulled¡¡the¡¡turnips¡¡in¡¡November£»¡¡the
sharp¡¡clinkclinkclinkclinkclink¡¡of¡¡empty¡¡trucks¡¡shunting¡¡on
the¡¡line£»¡¡vibrated¡¡in¡¡their¡¡hearts¡¡with¡¡the¡¡fact¡¡of¡¡other
activity¡¡going¡¡on¡¡beyond¡¡them¡£

The¡¡Alfred¡¡Brangwen¡¡of¡¡this¡¡period¡¡had¡¡married¡¡a¡¡woman¡¡from
Heanor£»¡¡a¡¡daughter¡¡of¡¡the¡¡¡¨Black¡¡Horse¡¨¡£¡¡She¡¡was¡¡a¡¡slim£»¡¡pretty£»
dark¡¡woman£»¡¡quaint¡¡in¡¡her¡¡speech£»¡¡whimsical£»¡¡so¡¡that¡¡the¡¡sharp
things¡¡she¡¡said¡¡did¡¡not¡¡hurt¡£¡¡She¡¡was¡¡oddly¡¡a¡¡thing¡¡to¡¡herself£»
rather¡¡querulous¡¡in¡¡her¡¡manner£»¡¡but¡¡intrinsically¡¡separate¡¡and
indifferent£»¡¡so¡¡that¡¡her¡¡long¡¡lamentable¡¡plaints£»¡¡when¡¡she
raised¡¡her¡¡voice¡¡against¡¡her¡¡husband¡¡in¡¡particular¡¡and¡¡against
everybody¡¡else¡¡after¡¡him£»¡¡only¡¡made¡¡those¡¡who¡¡heard¡¡her¡¡wonder
and¡¡feel¡¡affectionately¡¡towards¡¡her£»¡¡even¡¡while¡¡they¡¡were
irritated¡¡and¡¡impatient¡¡with¡¡her¡£¡¡She¡¡railed¡¡long¡¡and¡¡loud¡¡about
her¡¡husband£»¡¡but¡¡always¡¡with¡¡a¡¡balanced£»¡¡easyflying¡¡voice¡¡and¡¡a
quaint¡¡manner¡¡of¡¡speech¡¡that¡¡warmed¡¡his¡¡belly¡¡with¡¡pride¡¡and
male¡¡triumph¡¡while¡¡he¡¡scowled¡¡with¡¡mortification¡¡at¡¡the¡¡things
she¡¡said¡£

Consequently¡¡Brangwen¡¡himself¡¡had¡¡a¡¡humorous¡¡puckering¡¡at¡¡the
eyes£»¡¡a¡¡sort¡¡of¡¡fat¡¡laugh£»¡¡very¡¡quiet¡¡and¡¡full£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡was
spoilt¡¡like¡¡a¡¡lord¡¡of¡¡creation¡£¡¡He¡¡calmly¡¡did¡¡as¡¡he¡¡liked£»
laughed¡¡at¡¡their¡¡railing£»¡¡excused¡¡himself¡¡in¡¡a¡¡teasing¡¡tone¡¡that
she¡¡loved£»¡¡followed¡¡his¡¡natural¡¡inclinations£»¡¡and¡¡sometimes£»
pricked¡¡too¡¡near¡¡the¡¡quick£»¡¡frightened¡¡and¡¡broke¡¡her¡¡by¡¡a¡¡deep£»
tense¡¡fury¡¡which¡¡seemed¡¡to¡¡fix¡¡on¡¡him¡¡and¡¡hold¡¡him¡¡for¡¡days£»¡¡and
which¡¡she¡¡would¡¡give¡¡anything¡¡to¡¡placate¡¡in¡¡him¡£¡¡They¡¡were¡¡two
very¡¡separate¡¡beings£»¡¡vitally¡¡connected£»¡¡knowing¡¡nothing¡¡of¡¡each
other£»¡¡yet¡¡living¡¡in¡¡their¡¡separate¡¡ways¡¡from¡¡one¡¡root¡£

There¡¡were¡¡four¡¡sons¡¡and¡¡two¡¡daughters¡£¡¡The¡¡eldest¡¡boy¡¡ran
away¡¡early¡¡to¡¡sea£»¡¡and¡¡did¡¡not¡¡e¡¡back¡£¡¡After¡¡this¡¡the¡¡mother
was¡¡more¡¡the¡¡node¡¡and¡¡centre¡¡of¡¡attraction¡¡in¡¡the¡¡home¡£¡¡The
second¡¡boy£»¡¡Alfred£»¡¡whom¡¡the¡¡mother¡¡admired¡¡most£»¡¡was¡¡the¡¡most
reserved¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡sent¡¡to¡¡school¡¡in¡¡Ilkeston¡¡and¡¡made¡¡some
progress¡£¡¡But¡¡in¡¡spite¡¡of¡¡his¡¡dogged£»¡¡yearning¡¡effort£»¡¡he¡¡could
not¡¡get¡¡beyond¡¡the¡¡rudiments¡¡of¡¡anything£»¡¡save¡¡of¡¡drawing¡£¡¡At
this£»¡¡in¡¡which¡¡he¡¡had¡¡some¡¡power£»¡¡he¡¡worked£»¡¡as¡¡if¡¡it¡¡were¡¡his
hope¡£¡¡After¡¡much¡¡grumbling¡¡and¡¡savage¡¡rebellion¡¡against
everything£»¡¡after¡¡much¡¡trying¡¡and¡¡shifting¡¡about£»¡¡when¡¡his
father¡¡was¡¡incensed¡¡against¡¡him¡¡and¡¡his¡¡mother¡¡almost
despairing£»¡¡he¡¡became¡¡a¡¡draughtsman¡¡in¡¡a¡¡lacefactory¡¡in
Nottingham¡£

He¡¡remained¡¡heavy¡¡and¡¡somewhat¡¡uncouth£»¡¡speaking¡¡with¡¡broad
Derbyshire¡¡accent£»¡¡adhering¡¡with¡¡all¡¡his¡¡tenacity¡¡to¡¡his¡¡work
and¡¡to¡¡his¡¡town¡¡position£»¡¡making¡¡good¡¡designs£»¡¡and¡¡being
fairly¡¡welloff¡£¡¡But¡¡at¡¡drawing£»¡¡his¡¡hand¡¡swung¡¡naturally¡¡in
big£»¡¡bold¡¡lines£»¡¡rather¡¡lax£»¡¡so¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡cruel¡¡for¡¡him¡¡to
pedgill¡¡away¡¡at¡¡the¡¡lace¡¡designing£»¡¡working¡¡from¡¡the¡¡tiny
squares¡¡of¡¡his¡¡paper£»¡¡counting¡¡and¡¡plotting¡¡and¡¡niggling¡£¡¡He¡¡did
it¡¡stubbornly£»¡¡with¡¡anguish£»¡¡crushing¡¡the¡¡bowels¡¡within¡¡him£»
adhering¡¡to¡¡his¡¡chosen¡¡lot¡¡whatever¡¡it¡¡should¡¡cost¡£¡¡And¡¡he¡¡came
back¡¡into¡¡life¡¡set¡¡and¡¡rigid£»¡¡a¡¡rarespoken£»¡¡almost¡¡surly
man¡£

He¡¡married¡¡the¡¡daughter¡¡of¡¡a¡¡chemist£»¡¡who¡¡affected¡¡some
social¡¡superiority£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡became¡¡something¡¡of¡¡a¡¡snob£»¡¡in¡¡his
dogged¡¡fashion£»¡¡with¡¡a¡¡passion¡¡for¡¡outward¡¡refinement¡¡in¡¡the
household£»¡¡mad¡¡when¡¡anything¡¡clumsy¡¡or¡¡gross¡¡occurred¡£¡¡Later£»
when¡¡his¡¡three¡¡children¡¡were¡¡growing¡¡up£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡seemed¡¡a¡¡staid£»
almost¡¡middleaged¡¡man£»¡¡he¡¡turned¡¡after¡¡strange¡¡women£»¡¡and
became¡¡a¡¡silent£»¡¡inscrutable¡¡follower¡¡of¡¡forbidden¡¡pleasure£»
neglecting¡¡his¡¡indignant¡¡bourgeois¡¡¡£

Frank£»¡¡the¡¡third¡¡son£»¡¡refused¡¡from¡¡the¡¡first¡¡to¡¡have¡¡anything
to¡¡do¡¡with¡¡learning¡£¡¡From¡¡the¡¡first¡¡he¡¡hung¡¡round¡¡the
slaughterhouse¡¡which¡¡stood¡¡away¡¡in¡¡the¡¡third¡¡yard¡¡at¡¡the¡¡back
of¡¡the¡¡farm¡£¡¡The¡¡Brangwens¡¡had¡¡always¡¡killed¡¡their¡¡own¡¡meat£»¡¡and
supplied¡¡the¡¡neighbourhood¡£¡¡Out¡¡of¡¡this¡¡grew¡¡a¡¡regular¡¡butcher's
business¡¡in¡¡connection¡¡with¡¡the¡¡farm¡£

As¡¡a¡¡child¡¡Frank¡¡had¡¡been¡¡drawn¡¡by¡¡the¡¡trickle¡¡of¡¡dark¡¡blood
that¡¡ran¡¡across¡¡the¡¡pavement¡¡from¡¡the¡¡slaughterhouse¡¡to¡¡the
crewyard£»¡¡by¡¡the¡¡sight¡¡of¡¡the¡¡man¡¡carrying¡¡across¡¡to¡¡the
meatshed¡¡a¡¡huge¡¡side¡¡of¡¡beef£»¡¡with¡¡the¡¡kidneys¡¡showing£»
embedded¡¡in¡¡their¡¡heavy¡¡laps¡¡of¡¡fat¡£

He¡¡was¡¡a¡¡handsome¡¡lad¡¡with¡¡soft¡¡brown¡¡hair¡¡and¡¡regular
features¡¡something¡¡like¡¡a¡¡later¡¡Roman¡¡youth¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡more¡¡easily
excitable£»¡¡more¡¡readily¡¡carried¡¡away¡¡than¡¡the¡¡rest£»¡¡weaker¡¡in
character¡£¡¡At¡¡eighteen¡¡he¡¡married¡¡a¡¡little¡¡factory¡¡girl£»¡¡a¡¡pale£»
plump£»¡¡quiet¡¡thing¡¡with¡¡sly¡¡eyes¡¡and¡¡a¡¡wheedling¡¡voice£»¡¡who
insinuated¡¡herself¡¡into¡¡him¡¡and¡¡bore¡¡him¡¡a¡¡child¡¡every¡¡year¡¡and
made¡¡a¡¡fool¡¡of¡¡him¡£¡¡When¡¡he¡¡had¡¡taken¡¡over¡¡the¡¡butchery
business£»¡¡already¡¡a¡¡growing¡¡callousness¡¡to¡¡it£»¡¡and¡¡a¡¡sort¡¡of
contempt¡¡made¡¡him¡¡neglectful¡¡of¡¡it¡£¡¡He¡¡drank£»¡¡and¡¡was¡¡often¡¡to
be¡¡found¡¡in¡¡his¡¡public¡¡house¡¡blathering¡¡away¡¡as¡¡if¡¡he¡¡knew
everything£»¡¡when¡¡in¡¡reality¡¡he¡¡was¡¡a¡¡noisy¡¡fool¡£

Of¡¡the¡¡daughters£»¡¡Alice£»¡¡the¡¡elder£»¡¡married¡¡a¡¡collier¡¡and
lived¡¡for¡¡a¡¡time¡¡stormily¡¡in¡¡Ilkeston£»¡¡before¡¡moving¡¡away¡¡to
Yorkshire¡¡with¡¡her¡¡numerous¡¡young¡¡family¡£¡¡Effie£»¡¡the¡¡younger£»
remained¡¡at¡¡home¡£

The¡¡last¡¡child£»¡¡Tom£»¡¡was¡¡considerably¡¡younger¡¡than¡¡his
brothers£»¡¡so¡¡had¡¡belonged¡¡rather¡¡to¡¡the¡¡pany¡¡of¡¡his¡¡sisters¡£
He¡¡was¡¡his¡¡mother's¡¡favourite¡£¡¡She¡¡roused¡¡herself¡¡to
determination£»¡¡and¡¡sent¡¡him¡¡forcibly¡¡away¡¡to¡¡a¡¡grammarschool¡¡in
Derby¡¡when¡¡he¡¡was¡¡twelve¡¡years¡¡old¡£¡¡He¡¡did¡¡not¡¡want¡¡to¡¡go£»¡¡and
his¡¡father¡¡would¡¡have¡¡given¡¡way£»¡¡but¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Brangwen¡¡had¡¡set¡¡her
heart¡¡on¡¡it¡£¡¡Her¡¡slender£»¡¡pretty£»¡¡tightlycovered¡¡body£»¡¡with
full¡¡skirts£»¡¡was¡¡now¡¡the¡¡centre¡¡of¡¡resolution¡¡in¡¡the¡¡house£»¡¡and
when¡¡she¡¡had¡¡once¡¡set¡¡upon¡¡anything£»¡¡which¡¡was¡¡not¡¡often£»¡¡the
family¡¡failed¡¡before¡¡her¡£

So¡¡Tom¡¡went¡¡to¡¡school£»¡¡an¡¡unwilling¡¡failure¡¡from¡¡the¡¡first¡£
He¡¡believed¡¡his¡¡mother¡¡was¡¡right¡¡in¡¡decreeing¡¡school¡¡for¡¡him£»
but¡¡he¡¡knew¡¡she¡¡was¡¡only¡¡right¡¡because¡¡she¡¡would¡¡not¡¡acknowledge
his¡¡constitution¡£¡¡He¡¡knew£»¡¡with¡¡a¡¡child's¡¡deep£»¡¡instinctive
foreknowledge¡¡of¡¡what¡¡is¡¡going¡¡to¡¡happen¡¡to¡¡him£»¡¡that¡¡he¡¡would
cut¡¡a¡¡sorry¡¡figure¡¡at¡¡school¡£¡¡But¡¡he¡¡took¡¡the¡¡infliction¡¡as
inevitable£»¡¡as¡¡if¡¡he¡¡were¡¡guilty¡¡of¡¡his¡¡own¡¡nature£»¡¡as¡¡if¡¡his
being¡¡were¡¡wrong£»¡¡and¡¡his¡¡mother's¡¡conception¡¡right¡£¡¡If¡¡he¡¡could
have¡¡been¡¡what¡¡he¡¡liked£»¡¡he¡¡would¡¡have¡¡been¡¡that¡¡which¡¡his
mother¡¡fondly¡¡but¡¡deludedly¡¡hoped¡¡he¡¡was¡£¡¡He¡¡would¡¡have¡¡been
clever£»¡¡and¡¡capable¡¡of¡¡being¡¡a¡¡gentleman¡£¡¡It¡¡was¡¡her
aspiration¡¡for¡¡him£»¡¡therefore¡¡he¡¡knew¡¡it¡¡as¡¡the¡¡true¡¡aspiration
for¡¡any¡¡boy¡£¡¡But¡¡you¡¡can't¡¡make¡¡a¡¡silk¡¡purse¡¡out¡¡of¡¡a¡¡sow's¡¡ear£»
as¡¡he¡¡told¡¡his¡¡mother¡¡very¡¡early£»¡¡with¡¡regard¡¡to¡¡himself£»¡¡much
to¡¡her¡¡mortification¡¡and¡¡chagrin¡£

When¡¡he¡¡got¡¡to¡¡school£»¡¡he¡¡made¡¡a¡¡violent¡¡struggle¡¡against¡¡his
physical¡¡inability¡¡to¡¡study¡£¡¡He¡¡sat¡¡gripped£»¡¡making¡¡himself¡¡pale
and¡¡ghastly¡¡in¡¡his¡¡effort¡¡to¡¡concentrate¡¡on¡¡the¡¡book£»¡¡to¡¡take¡¡in
what¡¡he¡¡had¡¡to¡¡learn¡£¡¡But¡¡it¡¡was¡¡no¡¡good¡£¡¡If¡¡he¡¡beat¡¡down¡¡his
first¡¡repulsion£»¡¡and¡¡got¡¡like¡¡a¡¡suicide¡¡to¡¡the¡¡stuff£»¡¡he¡¡went
very¡¡little¡¡further¡£¡¡He¡¡could¡¡not¡¡learn¡¡deliberately¡£¡¡His¡¡mind
simply¡¡did¡¡not¡¡work¡£

In¡¡feeling¡¡he¡¡was¡¡developed£»¡¡sensitive¡¡to¡¡the¡¡atmosphere
around¡¡him£»¡¡brutal¡¡perhaps£»¡¡but¡¡at¡¡the¡¡same¡¡time¡¡delicate£»¡¡very
delicate¡£¡¡So¡¡he¡¡had¡¡a¡¡low¡¡opinion¡¡of¡¡himself¡£¡¡He¡¡knew¡¡his¡¡own
limitation¡£¡¡He¡¡knew¡¡that¡¡his¡¡brain¡¡was¡¡a¡¡slow¡¡hopeless
goodfornothing¡£¡¡So¡¡he¡¡was¡¡humble¡£

But¡¡at¡¡the¡¡same¡¡time¡¡his¡¡feelings¡¡were¡¡more¡¡discriminating
than¡¡those¡¡of¡¡most¡¡of¡¡the¡¡boys£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡was¡¡confused¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡more
sensuously¡¡developed£»¡¡more¡¡refined¡¡in¡¡instinct¡¡than¡¡they¡£¡¡For
their¡¡mechanical¡¡stupidity¡¡he¡¡hated¡¡them£»¡¡and¡¡suffered¡¡cruel
contempt¡¡for¡¡them¡£¡¡But¡¡when¡¡it¡¡came¡¡to¡¡mental¡¡things£»¡¡then¡¡he
was¡¡at¡¡a¡¡disadvantage¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡at¡¡their¡¡mercy¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡a¡¡fool¡£¡¡He
had¡¡not¡¡the¡¡power¡¡to¡¡controvert¡¡even¡¡the¡¡most¡¡stupid¡¡argument£»
so¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡forced¡¡to¡¡admit¡¡things¡¡he¡¡did¡¡not¡¡in¡¡the¡¡least
believe¡£¡¡And¡¡having¡¡admitted¡¡them£»¡¡he¡¡did¡¡not¡¡know¡¡whether¡¡he
believed¡¡them¡¡or¡¡not£»¡¡he¡¡rather¡¡thought¡¡he¡¡did¡£

But¡¡he¡¡loved¡¡anyone¡¡who¡¡could¡¡convey¡¡enlightenment¡¡to¡¡him
through¡¡feeling¡£¡¡He¡¡sat¡¡betrayed¡¡wi
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