[科幻]宿主- 第47部分

　I　was　lying　on　a　hard　surface。　It　was　rough　and…　pocked。　It　was　not　flat；　but　oddly　curved；　as　though　I　
was　lying　in　a　shallow　bowl。　It　was　not　fortable。　My　back　and　hips　throbbed　from　being　curled　into　
this　position。　That　pain　was　probably　what　had　woken　me；　I　felt　far　from　rested。

　It　was　dark—I　could　tell　that　without　opening　my　eyes。　Not　pitch…black；　but　very　dark。

　The　air　was　even　mustier　than　before—humid　and　corroded；　with　a　peculiar　acrid　bite　that　seemed　to　
cling　to　the　back　of　my　throat。　The　temperature　was　cooler　than　it　had　been　in　the　desert；　but　the　
incongruous　moisture　made　it　almost　as　unfortable。　I　was　sweating　again；　the　water　Jeb　had　given　me　
finding　its　way　out　through　my　pores。

　I　could　hear　my　breathing　echo　back　to　me　from　a　few　feet　away。　It　could　be　that　I　was　only　close　to　
one　wall；　but　I　guessed　that　I　was　in　a　very　small　space。　I　listened　as　hard　as　I　could；　and　it　sounded　like　
my　breathing　echoed　back　from　the　other　side　as　well。

　Knowing　that　I　was　probably　still　somewhere　in　the　cavern　system　Jeb　had　brought　me　to；　I　was　fairly　
sure　what　I　would　see　when　I　opened　my　eyes。　I　must　be　in　some　small　hole　in　the　rock；　dark　purple　
brown　and　riddled　with　holes　like　cheese。

　It　was　silent　except　for　the　sounds　my　body　made。　Afraid　to　open　my　eyes；　I　relied　on　my　ears；　straining　
harder　and　harder　against　the　silence。　I　couldn’t　hear　anyone　else；　and　this　made　no　sense。　They　wouldn’t　
have　left　me　without　a　warden；　would　they？　Uncle　Jeb　and　his　omnipresent　rifle；　or　someone　less　
sympathetic。　To　leave　me　alone…　that　wouldn’t　be　in　character　with　their　brutality；　their　natural　fear　and　
hatred　of　what　I　was。

　Unless…

　I　tried　to　swallow；　but　terror　closed　my　throat。　They　wouldn’t　leave　me　alone。　Not　unless　they　thought　I　
was　dead；　or　had　made　sure　that　Iwould　be。　Not　unless　there　were　places　in　these　caves　that　no　one　
came　back　from。

　The　picture　I’d　been　forming　of　my　surroundings　shifted　dizzyingly　in　my　head。　I　saw　myself　now　at　the　
bottom　of　a　deep　shaft　or　walled　into　a　cramped　tomb。　My　breathing　sped　up；　tasting　the　air　for　
staleness；　for　some　sign　that　my　oxygen　was　running　low。　The　muscles　around　my　lungs　pulled　outward；　
filling　with　air　for　the　scream　that　was　on　the　way。　I　clenched　my　teeth　to　keep　it　from　escaping。

　Sharp　and　close；　something　grated　across　the　ground　beside　my　head。

　I　shrieked；　and　the　sound　of　it　was　piercing　in　the　small　space。　My　eyes　flew　open。　I　jerked　away　from　
the　sinister　noise；　throwing　myself　against　a　jagged　rock　wall。　My　hands　swung　up　to　protect　my　face　as　
my　headthunk　ed　painfully　against　the　low　ceiling。

　A　dim　light　illuminated　the　perfectly　round　exit　to　the　tiny　bubble　of　a　cave　I　was　curled　in。　Jared’s　face　

　

　He　didn’t　move；　he　just　stared　furiously　while　my　heart　restarted　and　my　breathing　evened　out。　I　met　his　
glare；　remembering　how　quiet　he　had　always　been—like　a　wraith　when　he　wanted。　No　wonder　I　hadn’t　
heard　him　sitting　guard　outside　my　cell。

　But　I　had　heardsomething。　As　I　remembered　that；　Jared　shoved　his　extended　arm　closer；　and　the　
grating　noise　repeated。　I　looked　down。　At　my　feet　was　a　broken　sheet　of　plastic　serving　as　a　tray。　And　
on　it…

　I　lunged　for　the　open　bottle　of　water。　I　was　barely　aware　that　Jared’s　mouth　twisted　with　disgust　as　I　
jerked　the　bottle　to　my　lips。　I　was　sure　that　would　bother　me　later；　but　all　I　cared　about　now　was　the　
water。　I　wondered　if　ever　in　my　life　I　would　take　the　liquid　for　granted　again。　Given　that　my　life　was　not　
likely　to　be　prolonged　here；　the　answer　was　probably　no。

　Jared　had　disappeared；　back　through　the　circular　entry。　I　could　see　a　piece　of　his　sleeve　and　nothing　
more。　The　dull　light　came　from　somewhere　beside　him。　It　was　an　artificial　bluish　color。

　I’d　gulped　half　the　water　down　when　a　new　scent　caught　my　attention；　informing　me　that　water　was　not　
the　only　gift。　I　looked　down　at　the　tray　again。

　Food。　They　were　feeding　me？

　It　was　the　bread—a　dark；　unevenly　shaped　roll—that　I　smelled　first；　but　there　was　also　a　bowl　of　some　
clear　liquid　with　the　tang　of　onions。　As　I　leaned　closer；　I　could　see　darker　chunks　on　the　bottom。　Beside　
this　were　three　stubby　white　tubes。　I　guessed　they　were　vegetables；　but　I　didn’t　recognize　the　variety。

　It　took　only　seconds　for　me　to　make　these　discoveries；　but　even　in　that　short　time；　my　stomach　nearly　
jumped　through　my　mouth　trying　to　reach　the　food。

　I　ripped　into　the　bread。　It　was　very　dense；　studded　with　whole…grain　kernels　that　caught　in　my　teeth。　The　
texture　was　gritty；　but　the　flavor　was　wonderfully　rich。　I　couldn’t　remember　anything　tasting　more　
delicious　to　me；　not　even　my　mushed…up　Twinkies。　My　jaw　worked　as　fast　as　it　could；　but　I　swallowed　
most　of　the　mouthfuls　of　tough　bread　half…chewed。　I　could　hear　each　mouthful　hit　my　stomach　with　a　
gurgle。　It　didn’t　feel　as　good　as　I　thought　it　would。　Too　long　empty；　my　stomach　reacted　to　the　food　with　
disfort。

　I　ignored　that　and　moved　on　to　the　liquid—it　was　soup。　This　went　down　easier。　Aside　from　the　onions　
I’d　smelled；　the　taste　was　mild。　The　green　chunks　were　soft　and　spongy。　I　drank　it　straight　from　the　bowl　
and　wished　the　bowl　were　deeper。　I　tipped　it　back　to　make　sure　I’d　gotten　every　drop。

　The　white　vegetables　were　crunchy　in　texture；　woody　in　taste。　Some　kind　of　root。　They　weren’t　as　
satisfying　as　the　soup　or　as　tasty　as　the　bread；　but　I　was　grateful　for　their　bulk。　I　wasn’t　full—not　
close—and　I　probably　would　have　started　on　the　tray　next　if　I　thought　I’d　be　able　to　chew　through　it。

　It　didn’t　occur　to　me　until　I　was　finished　that　they　shouldn’t　be　feeding　me。　Not　unless　Jared　had　lost　the　
confrontation　with　the　doctor。　Though　why　would　Jared　be　my　guard　if　that　were　the　case？

　I　slid　the　tray　away　when　it　was　empty；　cringing　at　the　noise　it　made。　I　stayed　pressed　against　the　back　
wall　of　my　bubble　as　Jared　reached　in　to　retrieve　it。　This　time　he　didn’t　look　at　me。　

　

　I　can’t　believe　he　hit　me；Melanie　mused；　her　thought　incredulous　rather　than　resentful。　She　was　not　
over　the　surprise　of　it　yet。　I　hadn’t　been　surprised　in　the　first　place。　Of　course　he　had　hit　me。

　I　wondered　where　you　were；I　answered。It　would　be　poor　manners　to　get　me　into　this　mess　and　
then　abandon　me。

　She　ignored　my　sour　tone。I　wouldn’t　have　thought　he’d　be　able　to　do　it；　no　matter　what。　I　don’t　
think　I　could　hit　him。

　Sure　you　could。　If　he’d　e　at　you　with　reflective　eyes；　you’d　have　done　the　same。　You’re　
naturally　violent。I　remembered　her　daydreams　of　strangling　the　Seeker。　That　seemed　like　months　ago；　
though　I　knew　it　was　only　days。　It　would　make　sense　if　it　had　been　longer。　It　ought　to　take　time　to　get　
oneself　stuck　in　such　a　disastrous　mire　as　the　one　I　was　in　now。

　Melanie　tried　to　consider　it　impartially。I　don’t　thinkso。　Not　Jared…　and　Jamie；　there’s　no　way　I　could　
hurt　Jamie；　even　if　he　was…　She　trailed　off；　hating　that　line　of　thought。

　I　considered　this　and　found　it　true。　Even　if　the　child　had　bee　something　or　someone　else；　neither　she　
nor　I　could　ever　raise　a　hand　to　him。

　That’s　different。　You’re　like…　a　mother。　Mothers　are　irrational　here。　Too　many　emotions　
involved。

　Motherhood　is　always　emotional—even　for　you　souls。

　I　didn’t　answer　that。

　What　do　you　think　is　going　to　happen　now？

　You’re　the　expert　on　humans；I　reminded　her。It’s　probably　not　a　good　thing　that　they’re　giving　me　
food。　I　can　think　of　only　one　reason　they’d　want　me　strong。

　The　few　specifics　I　remembered　of　historical　human　brutalities　tangled　in　my　head　with　the　stories　in　the　
old　newspaper　we’d　read　the　other　day。　Fire—that　was　a　bad　one。　Melanie　had　burned　all　the　
fingerprints　off　her　right　hand　once　in　a　stupid　accident；　grabbing　a　pan　she　hadn’t　realized　was　hot。　I　
remembered　how　the　pain　had　shocked　her—it　was　so　unexpectedly　sharp　and　demanding。

　It　was　just　an　accident；　though。　Quickly　treated　with　ice；　salves；　medicine。　No　one　had　done　it　on　
purpose；　continued　on　from　the　first　sickening　pain；　drawing　it　out　longer　and　longer…

　I’d　never　lived　on　a　planet　where　such　atrocities　could　happen；　even　before　the　souls　came。　This　place　
was　truly　the　highest　and　the　lowest　of　all　worlds—the　most　beautiful　senses；　the　most　exquisite　
emotions…　the　most　malevolent　desires；　the　darkest　deeds。　Perhaps　it　was　meant　to　be　so。　Perhaps　
without　the　lows；　the　highs　could　not　be　reached。　Were　the　souls　the　exception　to　that　rule？　Could　they　
have　the　light　without　the　darkness　of　this　world？

　I…　felt　something　when　he　hit　you；Melanie　interrupted。　The　words　came　slowly；　one　by　one；　as　if　she　

　

　I　felt　something；　too。It　was　amazing　how　natural　it　was　to　use　sarcasm　now；　after　spending　so　much　
time　with　Melanie。He’s　got　quite　a　backhand；　doesn’t　he？

　That’s　not　what　I　meant。　I　mean…She　hesitated　for　a　long　moment；　and　then　the　rest　of　the　words　
came　in　a　rush。I　thought　it　was　all　me—the　way　we　feel　about　him。　I　thought　I　was…　in　control　of　
that。

　The　thoughts　behind　her　words　were　clearer　than　the　words　themselves。

　You　thought　you　were　able　to　bring　me　here　becauseyouwanted　it　so　much。　That　you　were　
controlling　me　instead　of　the　other　way　around。　I　tried　not　to　be　annoyed。You　thought　you　were　
manipulating　me。

　Yes。The　chagrin　in　her　tone　was　not　because　I　was　upset；　but　because　she　did　not　like　being　wrong。　
But…

　I　waited。

　It　came　in　a　rush　once　more。You’re　in　love　with　him；　too；　separately　from　me。　It　feels　different　from　
the　way　I　feel。　Other。　I　didn’t　see　that　until　he　was　there　with　us；　until　you　saw　him　for　the　first　

time。　How　did　that　happen？　How　does　a　three…inch…long　worm　fall　in　love　with　a　human　being？

　Worm？

　Sorry。　I　guess　you　sort　of　have…　limbs。

　Not　really。　They’re　more　like　antennae。　And　I’m　quite　a　bit　longer　than　three　inches　when　they’re　

extended。

　My　point　is；　he’s　not　your　species。

　My　body　is　human；I　told　her。While　I’m　attached　to　it；　I’m　human；　too。　And　the　way　you　see　Jared　

in　your　memories…　Well；　it’s　all　your　fault。

　She　considered　that　for　a　moment。　She　didn’t　like　it　much。

　So　if　you　had　gone　to　Tucson　and　gotten　a　new　body；　you　wouldn’t　love　him　anymore　now？

　I　really；　really　hope　that’s　true。

　Neither　of　us　was　happy　with　my　answer。　I　leaned　my　head　against　the　top　of　my　knees。　Melanie　
changed　the　subject。

　At　least　Jamie　is　safe。　I　knew　Jared　would　take　care　of　him。　If　I　had　to　leave　him；　I　couldn’t　have　
left　him　in　better　hands。…　I　wish　I　could　see　him。

　I’m　not　asking　that！I　cringed　at　the　thought　of　the　responsethat　request　would　receive。

　At　the　same　time；　I　yearned　to　see　the　boy’s　face　for　myself。　I　wanted　to　be　sure　that　he　was　really　here；　

　

　Do　you　think　they　will　tell　him　that　I’m　here？Melanie　asked。

　Would　that　help　or　hurt　him？I　asked　back。

　Her　thought　was　a　whisper。I　don’t　know。…　I　wish　I　could　tell　him　that　I　kept　my　promise。

　You　certainly　did。I　shook　my　head；　amazed。No　one　can　say　that　you　didn’t　e　back；　just　like　
always。

　Thanks　for　that。Her　voice　was　faint。　I　couldn’t　tell　if　she　meant　for　my　words　now；　or　if　s