[科幻]宿主- 第36部分

　She　glowered　at　me。

　I　was　packing　my　rental　car　with　the　few　things　I　planned　to　take　with　me。　I　had　enough　clothes　to　go　a　
week　between　washing；　and　the　basic　hygiene　necessities。　Though　I　wasn’t　bringing　much；　I　was　leaving　
even　less　behind。　I’d　accumulated　very　little　in　the　way　of　personal　belongings。　After　all　these　months　in　
my　small　apartment；　the　walls　were　still　bare；　the　shelves　empty。　Perhaps　I’d　never　meant　to　settle　here。　

　

　I　had　another　choice；　too。　I　could　abandon　this　entire　world　as　a　failure　and　move　on　to　a　tenth　planet。　I　
could　work　to　forget　this　whole　experience。　Earth　could　be　just　a　short　blip　in　my　otherwise　spotless　
record。

　But　where　would　I　go？　A　planet　I’d　already　experienced？　The　Singing　World　had　been　one　of　my　
favorites；　but　to　give　up　sight　for　blindness？　The　Planet　of　the　Flowers　was　lovely。…　Yet　
chlorophyll…based　life…forms　had　so　little　range　of　emotion。　It　would　feel　unbearably　slow　after　the　tempo　
of　this　human　place。

　A　new　planet？　Therewas　a　recent　acquisition—here　on　Earth；　they　were　calling　the　new　hosts　Dolphins　
for　lack　of　a　better　parison；　though　they　resembled　dragonflies　more　than　marine　mammals。　A　highly　
developed　species；　and　certainly　mobile；　but　after　my　long　stay　with　the　See　Weeds；　the　thought　of　
another　water　planet　was　repugnant　to　me。

　No；　there　was　still　so　much　tothis　planet　that　I　hadn’t　experienced。　Nowhere　else　in　the　known　universe　
called　to　me　as　strongly　as　this　shady　little　green　yard　on　this　quiet　street。　Or　held　the　lure　of　the　empty　
desert　sky；　which　I’d　seen　only　in　Melanie’s　memories。

　Melanie　did　not　share　her　opinion　on　my　options。　She　had　been　very　quiet　since　my　decision　to　find　
Fords　Deep　Waters；　my　first　Healer。　I　wasn’t　sure　what　the　detachment　meant。　Was　she　trying　to　seem　
less　dangerous；　less　of　a　burden？　Was　she　preparing　herself　for　the　invasion　of　the　Seeker？　For　death？　
Or　was　she　preparing　to　fight　me？　To　try　to　take　over？

　Whatever　her　plan；　she　kept　herself　distant。　She　was　just　a　faint；　watchful　presence　in　the　back　of　my　
head。

　I　made　my　last　trip　inside；　searching　for　anything　forgotten。　The　apartment　looked　empty。　There　were　
only　the　basic　furnishings　that　had　been　left　by　the　last　tenant。　The　same　plates　were　still　in　the　cupboards；　
the　pillows　on　the　bed；　the　lamps　on　the　tables；　if　I　didn’t　e　back；　there　would　be　little　for　the　next　
tenant　to　clear　out。

　The　phone　rang　as　I　was　stepping　out　the　door；　and　I　turned　back　to　get　it；　but　I　was　too　late。　I’d　
already　set　the　message　system　to　answer　on　the　first　ring。　I　knew　what　the　caller　would　hear：　my　vague　
explanation　that　I　would　be　out　the　rest　of　the　semester；　and　that　my　classes　would　be　canceled　until　a　
replacement　could　be　found。　No　reason　given。　I　looked　at　the　clock　on　top　of　the　television。　It　was　
barely　past　eight　in　the　morning。　I　was　sure　it　must　be　Curt　on　the　phone；　having　just　received　the　only　
slightly　more　detailed　e…mail　I’d　sent　him　late　last　night。　I　felt　guilty　about　not　finishing　out　my　mitment　
to　him；　almost　like　I　was　already　skipping。　Perhaps　this　step；　this　quitting；　was　the　prelude　to　my　next　
decision；　my　greater　shame。　The　thought　was　unfortable。　It　made　me　unwilling　to　listen　to　whatever　
the　message　said；　though　I　wasn’t　in　any　real　hurry　to　leave。

　I　looked　around　the　empty　apartment　one　more　time。　There　was　no　sense　of　leaving　anything　behind　me；　

　

　I’d　never　had　a　host　that　was　capable　of　superstition。　It　was　an　interesting　sensation。　Like　knowing　you　
were　being　watched　without　being　able　to　find　the　watcher。　It　raised　goose　bumps　on　the　nape　of　my　
neck。

　I　shut　the　door　firmly　behind　me　but　did　not　touch　the　obsolete　locks。　No　one　would　disturb　this　place　
until　I　returned　or　it　was　given　to　someone　new。

　Without　looking　at　the　Seeker；　I　climbed　into　the　car。　I　hadn’t　done　much　driving；　and　neither　had　
Melanie；　so　this　made　me　a　bit　nervous。　But　I　was　sure　I　would　get　used　to　it　soon　enough。

　“I’ll　be　waiting　for　you　in　Tucson；”　the　Seeker　said；　leaning　in　the　open　passenger…side　window　as　I　
started　the　engine。

　“I　have　no　doubt　of　that；”　I　muttered。

　I　found　the　controls　on　the　door　panel。　Trying　to　hide　a　smile；　I　hit　the　button　to　raise　the　glass　and　
watched　her　jump　back。

　“Maybe…　；”　she　said；　raising　her　voice　to　almost　a　shout　so　that　I　could　hear　her　over　the　engine　noise　
and　through　the　closed　window；　“maybe　I’ll　try　it　your　way。　Maybe　I’ll　see　you　on　the　road。”

　She　smiled　and　shrugged。

　She　was　just　saying　it　to　upset　me。　I　tried　not　to　let　her　see　that　she　had。　I　focused　my　eyes　on　the　road　
ahead　and　pulled　carefully　away　from　the　curb。

　It　was　easy　enough　to　find　the　freeway　and　then　follow　the　signs　out　of　San　Diego。　Soon　there　were　no　
signs　to　follow；　no　wrong　turns　to　take。　In　eight　hours　I　would　be　in　Tucson。　It　wasn’t　long　enough。　
Perhaps　I　would　stay　a　night　in　some　small　town　along　the　way。　If　I　could　be　sure　that　the　Seeker　would　
be　ahead；　waiting　impatiently；　rather　than　following　behind；　a　stop　would　be　a　nice　delay。

　I　found　myself　looking　in　the　rearview　mirror　often；　searching　for　a　sign　of　pursuit。　I　was　driving　slower　
than　anyone　else；　unwilling　to　reach　my　destination；　and　the　other　cars　passed　me　without　pause。　There　
were　no　faces　I　recognized　as　they　moved　ahead。　I　shouldn’t　have　let　the　Seeker’s　taunt　bother　me；　she　
clearly　didn’t　have　the　temperament　to　go　anywhere　slowly。　Still…　I　continued　to　watch　for　her。

　I’d　been　west　to　the　ocean；　north　and　south　up　and　down　the　pretty　California　coastline；　but　I’d　never　
been　east　for　any　distance　at　all。　Civilization　fell　behind　me　quickly；　and　I　was　soon　surrounded　by　the　
blank　hills　and　rocks　that　were　the　precursors　to　the　empty　desert　wastelands。

　It　was　very　relaxing　to　be　away　from　civilization；　and　this　bothered　me。　I　should　not　have　found　the　
loneliness　so　weling。　Souls　were　sociable。　We　lived　and　worked　and　grew　together　in　harmony。　We　
were　all　the　same：　peaceful；　friendly；　honest。　Why　should　I　feel　better　away　from　my　kind？　Was　it　
Melanie　who　made　me　this　way？

　I　searched　for　her　but　found　her　remote；　dreaming　in　the　back　of　my　head。　

　

　The　miles　passed　quickly。　The　dark；　rough　rocks　and　the　dusty　plains　covered　in　scrub　flew　by　with　
monotonous　uniformity。　I　realized　I　was　driving　faster　than　I’d　meant　to。　There　wasn’t　anything　to　keep　
my　mind　occupied　here；　so　I　found　it　hard　to　linger。　Absently；　I　wondered　why　the　desert　was　so　much　
more　colorful　in　Melanie’s　memories；　so　much　more　pelling。　I　let　my　mind　coast　with　hers；　trying　to　
see　what　it　was　that　was　special　about　this　vacant　place。

　But　she　wasn’t　seeing　the　sparse；　dead　land　surrounding　us。　She　was　dreaming　of　another　desert；　
canyoned　and　red；　a　magical　place。　She　didn’t　try　to　keep　me　out。　In　fact；　she　seemed　almost　unaware　of　
my　presence。　I　questioned　again　what　her　detachment　meant。　I　sensed　no　thought　of　attack。　It　felt　more　
like　a　preparation　for　the　end。

　She　was　living　in　a　happier　place　in　her　memory；　as　if　she　were　saying　goodbye。　It　was　a　place　she　had　
never　allowed　me　to　see　before。

　There　was　a　cabin；　an　ingenious　dwelling　tucked　into　a　nook　in　the　red　sandstone；　perilously　close　to　the　
flash　flood　line。　An　unlikely　place；　far　from　any　trail　or　path；　built　in　what　seemed　a　senseless　location。　A　
rough　place；　without　any　of　the　conveniences　of　modern　technology。　She　remembered　laughing　at　the　
sink　one　had　to　pump　to　pull　water　up　from　the　ground。

　“It　beats　pipes；”　Jared　says；　the　crease　between　his　eyes　deepening　as　his　brows　pull　together。　He　
seems　worried　by　my　laugh。　Is　he　afraid　I　don’t　like　it？　“Nothing　to　trace；　no　evidence　that　we’re　here。”

　“I　love　it；”　I　say　quickly。　“It’s　like　an　old　movie。　It’s　perfect。”

　The　smile　that　never　truly　leaves　his　face—he　smiles　even　in　his　sleep—grows　wide。　“They　don’t　tell　you　
the　worst　parts　in　the　movies。　C’mon；　I’ll　show　you　where　the　latrine　is。”

　I　hear　Jamie’s　laughter　echo　through　the　narrow　canyon　as　he　runs　ahead　of　us。　His　black　hair　bounces　
with　his　body。　He　bounces　all　the　time　now；　this　thin　boy　with　the　sun…darkened　skin。　I　hadn’t　realized　
how　much　weight　those　narrow　shoulders　were　carrying。　With　Jared；　he　is　positively　buoyant。　The　
anxious　expression　has　faded；　replaced　by　grins。　We　are　both　more　resilient　than　I　gave　us　credit　for。

　“Who　built　this　place？”

　“My　father　and　older　brothers。　I　helped；　or　rather　hindered；　a　little。　My　dad　loved　to　get　away　from　
everything。　And　he　didn’t　care　much　about　convention。　He　never　bothered　to　find　out　who　the　land　
actuallybelonged　to　or　file　permits　or　any　of　that　pesky　stuff。”　Jared　laughs；　throwing　his　head　back。　The　
sun　dances　off　the　blond　bits　in　his　hair。　“Officially；　this　place　doesn’t　exist。　Convenient；　isn’t　it？”　Without　
seeming　to　think　about　it；　he　reaches　out　and　takes　my　hand。

　My　skin　burns　where　it　meets　his。　It　feels　better　than　good；　but　it　sets　off　a　strange　aching　in　my　chest。

　He　is　forever　touching　me　this　way；　always　seeming　to　need　to　reassure　himself　that　I　am　here。　Does　he　
realize　what　it　does　to　me；　the　simple　pressure　of　his　warm　palm　next　to　mine？　Does　his　pulse　jump　in　his　
veins；　too？　Or　is　he　just　happy　to　not　be　alone　anymore？

　He　swings　our　arms　as　we　walk　beneath　a　little　stand　of　cottonwood　trees；　their　green　so　vivid　against　
the　red　that　it　plays　tricks　on　my　eyes；　confusing　my　focus。　He　is　happy　here；　happier　than　in　other　
places。　I　feel　happy；　too。　The　feeling　is　still　unfamiliar。　

　

want　to　kiss　me　again？　Should　I　kiss　him？　What　if　he　doesn’t　like　that？

　He　looks　down　at　me　and　smiles；　the　lines　around　his　eyes　crinkling　into　little　webs。　I　wonder　if　he　is　as　
handsome　as　I　think　he　is；　or　if　it’s　just　that　he’s　the　only　person　left　in　the　whole　world　besides　Jamie　and　

me。

　No；　I　don’t　think　that’s　it。　He　really　is　beautiful。

　“What　are　you　thinking；　Mel？”　he　asks。　“You　seem　to　be　concentrating　on　something　very　important。”　

He　laughs。

　I　shrug；　and　my　stomach　flutters。　“It’s　beautiful　here。”

　He　looks　around　us。　“Yes。　But　then；　isn’t　home　always　beautiful？”

　“Home。”　I　repeat　the　word　quietly。　“Home。”

　“Your　home；　too；　if　you　want　it。”

　“I　want　it。”　It　seems　like　every　mile　I’ve　walked　in　the　past　three　years　has　been　toward　this　place。　I　
never　want　to　leave；　though　I　know　we’ll　have　to。　Food　doesn’t　grow　on　trees。　Not　in　the　desert；　at　
least。

　He　squeezes　my　hand；　and　my　heart　punches　against　my　ribs。　It’s　just　like　pain；　this　pleasure。

　There　was　a　blurring　sensation　as　Melanie　skipped　ahead；　her　thoughts　dancing　through　the　hot　day　until　
hours　after　the　sun　had　fallen　behind　the　red　canyon　walls。　I　went　along；　almost　hypnotized　by　the　endless　
road　stretching　ahead　of　me；　the　skeletal　bushes　flying　by　with　mind…numbing　sameness。

　I　peek　into　the　one　narrow　little　bedroom。　The　full…size　mattress　is　only　inches　away　from　the　rough　

stone　walls　on　either　side。

　It　gives　me　a　deep；　rich　sense　of　joy　to　see　Jamie　asleep　on　a　real　bed；　his　head　on　a　soft　pillow。　His　
lanky　ar