[科幻]宿主- 第33部分

　“Trust　me；”　Kathy　said　dryly。　“You’d　notice。”　She　shook　her　head。　“Perhaps　you　should　open　your　eyes　

and　look　around　for　that　specifically。　It　might　do　you　a　lot　of　good。”

　My　body　recoiled　from　the　thought。　I　registered　Melanie’s　disgust；　mirrored　by　my　own。

　Kathy　read　my　expression。　“Don’t　let　her　control　how　you　interact　with　your　kind；　Wanderer。　Don’t　let　

her　control　you。”

　My　nostrils　flared。　I　waited　a　moment　to　answer；　reining　in　the　anger　that　I’d　never　quite　gotten　used　to。

　“She　does　not　control　me。”

　Kathy　raised　an　eyebrow。

　The　anger　tightened　my　throat。　“You　did　not　look　too　far　afield　for　your　current　partner。　Was　that　choice　

controlled？”

　She　ignored　my　anger　and　considered　the　question　thoughtfully。

　“Perhaps；”　she　finally　said。　“It’s　hard　to　know。　But　you’ve　made　your　point。”　She　picked　at　a　string　in　
the　hem　of　her　shirt；　and　then；　as　if　realizing　that　she　was　avoiding　my　gaze；　folded　her　hands　resolutely　
and　squared　her　shoulders。　“Who　knows　how　much　es　from　any　given　host　on　any　given　planet？　As　
I　said　before；　I　think　time　is　probably　your　answer。　Whether　she　grows　apathetic　and　silent　gradually；　
allowing　you　to　make　another　choice　besides　this　Jared；　or…　well；　the　Seekers　are　very　good。　They’re　
already　looking　for　him；　and　maybe　you’ll　remember　something　that　helps。”

　I　didn’t　move　as　her　meaning　sank　in。　She　didn’t　seem　to　notice　that　I　was　frozen　in　place。

　“Perhaps　they’ll　find　Melanie’s　love；　and　then　you　can　be　together。　If　his　feelings　are　as　fervent　as　hers；　
the　new　soul　will　probably　be　amenable。”

　“No！”　I　wasn’t　sure　who　had　shouted。　Itcould　have　been　me。　I　was　full　of　horror；　too。　

　

　“Wanderer？”

　But　I　turned　and　ran　for　the　door；　fighting　the　words　that　could　not　e　out　of　my　mouth。　Words　that　
could　not　be　my　words。　Words　that　made　no　sense　unless　they　were　hers；　but　theyfelt　like　mine。　They　
couldn’t　be　mine。　They　couldn’t　be　spoken。

　That’s　killing　him！　That’s　making　him　cease　to　be！　I　don’t　want　someone　else。　I　wantJared；not　a　
stranger　in　his　body！　The　body　means　nothing　without　him。

　I　heard　Kathy　calling　my　name　behind　me　as　I　ran　into　the　road。

　I　didn’t　live　far　from　the　forter’s　office；　but　the　darkness　in　the　street　disoriented　me。　I’d　gone　two　
blocks　before　I　realized　I　was　running　in　the　wrong　direction。

　People　were　looking　at　me。　I　wasn’t　dressed　for　exercise；　and　I　wasn’t　jogging；　I　was　fleeing。　But　no　
one　bothered　me；　they　politely　averted　their　eyes。　They　would　guess　that　I　was　new　to　this　host。　Acting　
out　the　way　a　child　would。

　I　slowed　to　a　walk；　turning　north　so　that　I　could　loop　around　without　passing　Kathy’s　office　again。

　My　walk　was　only　slightly　slower　than　a　run。　I　heard　my　feet　hitting　the　sidewalk　too　quickly；　as　though　
they　were　trying　to　match　the　tempo　of　a　dance　song。Slap；　slap；　slap　against　the　concrete。　No；　it　wasn’t　
like　a　drumbeat；　it　was　too　angry。　Like　violence。Slap；　slap；　slap。　Someone　hitting　someone　else。　I　
shuddered　away　from　the　horrible　image。

　I　could　see　the　lamp　on　over　my　apartment　door。　It　hadn’t　taken　me　long　to　cover　the　distance。　I　didn’t　
cross　the　road；　though。

　I　felt　sick。　I　remembered　what　it　felt　like　to　vomit；　though　I　never　had。　The　cold　wetness　dewed　on　my　
forehead；　the　hollow　sound　rang　in　my　ears。　I　was　pretty　sure　I　was　about　to　have　that　experience　for　my　
own。

　There　was　a　bank　of　grass　beside　the　walk。　Around　a　streetlamp　there　was　a　well…trimmed　hedge。　I　had　
no　time　to　look　for　a　better　place。　I　stumbled　to　the　light　and　caught　the　post　to　hold　myself　up。　The　
nausea　was　making　me　dizzy。

　Yes；　I　was　definitely　going　to　experience　throwing　up。

　“Wanderer；　is　that　you？　Wanderer；　are　you　ill？”

　The　vaguely　familiar　voice　was　impossible　to　concentrate　on。　But　it　made　things　worse；　knowing　I　had　an　
audience　as　I　leaned　my　face　close　to　the　bush　and　violently　choked　up　my　most　recent　meal。

　“Who’s　your　Healer　here？”　the　voice　asked。　It　sounded　far　away　through　the　buzzing　in　my　ears。　A　hand　
touched　my　arched　back。　“Do　you　need　an　ambulance？”

　I　coughed　twice　and　shook　my　head。　I　was　sure　it　was　over；　my　stomach　was　empty。　

　

　The　Seeker　from　Chicago　had　her　cell　phone　in　her　hand；　trying　to　decide　which　authority　to　call。　I　took　
one　good　look　at　her　and　bent　over　the　leaves　again。　Empty　stomach　or　no；　she　was　the　last　person　I　
needed　to　see　right　now。

　But；　as　my　stomach　heaved　uselessly；　I　realized　that　there　would　be　a　reason　for　her　presence。

　Oh；　no！　Oh；　no　no　no　no　no　no！

　“Why？”　I　gasped；　panic　and　sickness　stealing　the　volume　from　my　voice。　“Why　are　you　here？　What’s　

happened？”　The　forter’s　very　unforting　words　pounded　in　my　head。　
I　stared　at　the　hands　gripping　the　collar　of　the　Seeker’s　black　suit　for　two　seconds　before　I　realized　they　
were　mine。

　“Stop！”　she　said；　and　there　was　outrage　on　her　face。　Her　voice　rattled。　
I　was　shaking　her。　
My　hands　jerked　open　and　landed　against　my　face。　“Excuse　me！”　I　huffed。　“I’m　sorry。　I　don’t　know　


what　I　was　doing。”　
The　Seeker　scowled　at　me　and　smoothed　the　front　of　her　outfit。　“You’re　not　well；　and　I　suppose　I　


startled　you。”　
“I　wasn’t　expecting　to　see　you；”　I　whispered。　“Why　are　you　here？”　
“Let’s　get　you　to　a　Healing　facility　before　we　speak。　If　you　have　a　flu；　you　should　get　it　healed。　There’s　


no　point　in　letting　it　wear　your　body　down。”　
“I　don’t　have　a　flu。　I’m　not　ill。”　
“Did　you　eat　bad　food？　You　must　report　where　you　got　it。”　
Her　prying　was　very　annoying。　“I　did　not　eat　bad　food；　either。　I’m　healthy。”　
“Why　don’t　you　have　a　Healer　check？　A　quick　scan—you　shouldn’t　neglect　your　host。　That’s　


irresponsible。　Especially　when　health　care　is　so　easy　and　effective。”


　I　took　a　deep　breath　and　resisted　the　urge　to　shake　her　again。　She　was　a　full　head　shorter　than　I　was。　It　
was　a　fight　I　would　win。　
A　fight？　I　turned　away　from　her　and　walked　swiftly　toward　my　home。　I　was　dangerously　emotional。　I　

needed　to　calm　down　before　I　did　something　inexcusable。　
“Wanderer？　Wait！　The　Healer　—”　
“I　need　no　Healer；”　I　said　without　turning。　“That　was　just…　an　emotional　imbalance。　I’m　fine　now。”　

　

　She　was　soon　bored。　
“So；　Wanderer…　or　do　you　still　go　by　that　name？　I　don’t　mean　to　be　rude　in　calling　you　that。”　
I　didn’t　look　at　her。　“I　still　go　by　Wanderer。”　
“Interesting。　I　pegged　you　for　one　that　would　choose　her　own。”　
“Idid　choose。　I　chose　Wanderer。”　
It　had　long　been　clear　to　me　that　the　mild　spat　I’d　overheard　the　first　day　I　woke　in　the　Healing　facility　


was　the　Seeker’s　fault。　The　Seeker　was　the　most　confrontational　soul　I’d　e　across　in　nine　lives。　My　
first　Healer；　Fords　Deep　Waters；　had　been　calm；　kind；　and　wise；　even　for　a　soul。　Yet　he　had　not　been　
able　to　help　reacting　to　her。　That　made　me　feel　better　about　my　own　response。


　I　turned　around　to　face　her。　She　was　on　my　small　couch；　nestled　in　fortably　as　if　for　a　long　visit。　Her　


expression　was　self…satisfied；　the　bulging　eyes　amused。　I　controlled　the　desire　to　scowl。　
“Why　are　you　here？”　I　asked　again。　My　voice　was　a　monotone。　Restrained。　I　would　not　lose　control　
again　in　front　of　this　woman。


　“It’s　been　a　while　since　I　heard　anything　from　you；　so　I　thought　I　would　check　in　personally。　We’ve　still　
made　no　headway　in　your　case。”　
My　hands　clamped　down　on　the　edge　of　the　counter　behind　me；　but　I　kept　the　wild　relief　from　my　voice。


　“That　seems…　overzealous。　Besides；　I　sent　you　a　message　last　night。”　
Her　eyebrows　came　together　in　that　way　she　had；　a　way　that　made　her　look　angry　and　annoyed　at　the　
same　time；　as　if　you；　not　she；　were　responsible　for　her　anger。　She　pulled　out　her　palm　puter　and　
touched　the　screen　a　few　times。


　“Oh；”　she　said　stiffly。　“I　haven’t　checked　my　mail　today。”　
She　was　quiet　as　she　scanned　through　what　I　had　written。　
“I　sent　it　very　early　in　the　morning；”　I　said。　“I　was　half　asleep　at　the　time。　I’m　not　sure　how　much　of　what　


I　wrote　was　memory　or　dream；　or　sleep…typing；　maybe。”　
I　went　along　with　the　words—Melanie’s　words—as　they　flowed　easily　from　my　mouth；　I　even　added　
my　own　lighthearted　laugh　at　the　end。　It　was　dishonest　of　me。　Shameful　behavior。　But　I　would　not　let　the　
Seeker　know　that　I　was　weaker　than　my　host。　
For　once；　Melanie　was　not　smug　at　having　bested　me。　She　was　too　relieved；　too　grateful　that　I　had　not；　
for　my　own　petty　reasons；　given　her　away。　

　

　I　bit　my　lip　hard。　Melanie　wanted　so　badly　to　make　another　denial；　to　claim　the　boy　was　just　part　of　a　
dream。Don’t　be　stupid；　I　told　her。That　would　be　so　obvious。　It　said　much　for　the　repellent　nature　of　the　
Seeker　that　she　could　put　Melanie　and　me　on　the　same　side　of　an　argument。

　I　hate　her。Melanie’s　whisper　was　sharp；　painful　like　a　cut。

　I　know；　I　know。I　wished　I　could　deny　that　I　felt…　similarly。　Hate　was　an　unforgivable　emotion。　But　the　
Seeker　was…　very　difficult　to　like。　Impossible。

　The　Seeker　interrupted　my　internal　conversation。　“So；　other　than　the　new　location　to　review；　you　have　
no　more　help　for　me　on　the　road　maps？”

　I　felt　my　body　react　to　her　critical　tone。　“I　never　said　they　were　lines　on　a　road　map。　That’s　your　
assumption。　And　no；　I　have　nothing　else。”

　She　clicked　her　tongue　quickly　three　times。　“But　you　said　they　were　directions。”

　“That’s　what　I　think　they　are。　I’m　not　getting　anything　more。”

　“Why　not？　Haven’t　you　subdued　the　human　yet？”　She　laughed　loudly。　Laughing　at　me。

　I　turned　my　back　to　her　and　concentrated　on　calming　myself。　I　tried　to　pretend　that　she　wasn’t　there。　
That　I　was　all　alone　in　my　austere　kitchen；　staring　out　the　window　into　the　little　patch　of　night　sky；　at　the　
three　bright　stars　I　could　see　through　it。

　Well；　as　alone　as　I　ever　was。

　While　I　stared　at　the　tiny　points　of　light　in　the　blackness；　the　lines　that　I’d　seen　over　and　over　again—in　
my　dreams　and　in　my　broken　memories；　cropping　up　at　strange；　unrelated　moments—flashed　through　my　
head。

　The　first：　a　slow；　rough　curve；　then　a　sharp　turn　north；　another　sharp　turn　back　the　other　way；　twisting　
back　to　the　north　for　a　longer　stretch；　and　then　the　abrupt　southern　decline　that　flattened　out　into　another　
shallow　curve。

　The　second：　a　ragged　zigzag；　four　tight　switchbacks；　the　fifth　point　strangely　blunt；　like　it　was　broken…

　The　third：　a　smooth　wave；　interrupted　by　a　sudden　spur　that　swung　a　thin；　long　finger　out　to　the　north　
and　back。

　Inprehensible；　seemingly　meaningless。　But　I　knew　this　was　important　to　Melanie。　From　the　very　
beginning　I’d　known　that。　She　protected　this　secret　more　fiercely　than　any　other；　next　to　the　boy；　her　
brother。　I’d　had　no　idea　of　his　existence　before　the　dream　last　night。　I　wondered　what　it　was　that　had　
broken　her。　Maybe　as　she　grew　louder　in　my　head；　she　would　lose　more　of　her　secrets　to　me。

　Maybe　she　would　slip　up；　and　I　would　see　what　these　strange　lines　meant。　I　knew　they　meant　something。　
That　they　led　somewhere。　

　

　They　led　back　to　Jared；　of　course。　Back　to　both　of　them；　Jared　and　Jamie。　Where　else？　What　other　
location