[科幻]宿主- 第120部分

　“Doc！”　I　gasped　in　the　tiny；　fragile　voice。　“Doc；　you　promised！　You　gave　me　your　oath；Eustace！　Why？　
Why　did　you　break　your　word？”

　A　dim　recollection　of　misery　and　pain　touched　me。　This　body　had　never　felt　such　agony　before。　It　shied　
away　from　the　sting。

　“Even　an　honest　man　sometimes　caves　to　duress；　Wanda。”　

　

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“I’d　say　a　knife　to　the　throat　counts　as　duress；　Jared。”　
“You　knew　I　wouldn’t　really　use　it。”　
“That　I　did　not。　You　were　quite　persuasive。”　
“A　knife？”　My　body　trembled。　
“Shh；　it’s　all　okay；”　Ian　murmured。　His　breath　blew　strands　of　golden　hair　across　my　face；　and　I　brushed　


them　away—a　routine　gesture。　“Did　you　really　think　you　could　leave　us　that　way？　Wanda！”　He　sighed；　
but　the　sigh　was　joyful。　
Ian　was　happy。　This　insight　made　my　worry　suddenly　much　lighter；　easier　to　bear。


　“I　told　you　I　didn’t　want　to　be　a　parasite；”　I　whispered。　
“Let　me　through；”　my　old　voice　ordered。　And　then　I　could　see　my　face；　the　strong　one；　with　the　
sun…brown　skin；　the　straight　black　line　of　the　eyebrows　over　the　almond…shaped；　hazel　eyes；　the　high；　
sharp　cheekbones…　See　it　backward；　not　as　a　reflection；　the　way　I’d　always　seen　it　before。


　“Listen　up；　Wanda。　I　know　exactly　what　you　don’t　want　to　be。　But　we’re　human；　and　we’re　selfish；　and　


we　don’t　always　do　the　right　thing。　We　aren’t　going　to　let　you　go。　Deal　with　it。”　
The　way　she　spoke；　the　cadence　and　the　tone；　not　the　voice；　brought　back　all　the　silent　conversations；　
the　voice　in　my　head；　my　sister。


　“Mel？　Mel；　you’re　okay！”　
She　smiled　then　and　leaned　over　to　hug　my　shoulders。　She　was　bigger　than　I　remembered　being。　
“Of　course　I　am。　Wasn’t　that　the　point　of　all　the　drama？　And　you’re　going　to　be　fine；　too。　We　weren’t　


stupid　about　it。　We　didn’t　just　grab　the　first　body　we　saw。”　
“Let　me　tell　her；　let　me！”　Jamie　shoved　in　beside　Mel。　It　was　getting　very　crowded　around　the　cot。　It　


rocked；　unstable。　
I　took　his　hand　and　squeezed　it。　My　hands　felt　so　feeble。　Could　he　even　feel　the　pressure？　
“Jamie！”　
“Hey；　Wanda！　This　is　cool；　isn’t　it？　You’re　smaller　than　me　now！”　He　grinned；　triumphant。　
“But　still　older。　I’m　almost　—”　And　then　I　stopped；　changing　my　sentence　abruptly。　“My　birthday　is　in　


two　weeks。”　
I　might　have　been　disoriented　and　confused；　but　I　wasn’t　stupid。　Melanie’s　experiences　had　not　gone　to　
waste；　I　had　learned　from　them。　Ian　was　every　bit　as　honorable　as　Jared；　and　I　was　not　going　to　go　
through　the　frustration　Melanie　had。　

　

　From　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　saw　Melanie　and　Ian　stiffen　in　surprise。　This　body　looked　much　younger　
than　her　true　age；　hovering　on　the　edge　of　seventeen。

　It　was　this　little　deception；　this　preemptive　claiming　of　my　partner；　that　made　me　realize　I　was　staying　
here。　That　I　would　be　with　Ian　and　the　rest　of　my　family。　My　throat　thickened；　felt　oddly　swollen。

　Jamie　patted　my　face；　calling　my　attention　back。　I　was　surprised　at　how　big　his　hand　felt　on　my　cheek。　
“They　let　me　e　on　the　raid　to　get　you。”

　“I　know；”　I　muttered。　“I　remember…　Well；　Pet　remembers　seeing　you　there。”　I　glared　at　Mel；　who　
shrugged。

　“We　tried　not　to　scare　her；”　Jamie　said。　“She’s　so…　kind　of　fragile…looking；　you　know？　And　nice；　too。　
We　picked　her　out　together；　but　I　got　to　decide！　See；　Mel　said　we　had　to　get　someone　young—someone　
who　had　a　bigger　percentage　of　life　as　a　soul　or　something。　But　not　too　young；　because　she　knew　you　
wouldn’t　want　to　be　a　child。　And　then　Jared　liked　this　face；　because　he　said　no　one　could　ever　dis…　
distrust　it。　You　don’t　look　dangerous　at　all。　You　look　the　opposite　of　dangerous。　Jared　said　anyone　who　
sees　you　would　just　naturally　want　to　protect　you；　right；　Jared？　But　then　I　got　the　final　say；　because　I　was　
looking　for　someone　who　looked　likeyou。　And　I　thought　this　looked　like　you。　Because　she　sort　of　looks　
like　an　angel；　and　you’re　good　like　that。　And　real　pretty。　I　knew　you　would　be　pretty。”　Jamie　smiled　
hugely。　“Ian　didn’t　e。　He　just　sat　here　with　you—he　said　he　didn’t　care　what　you　looked　like。　He　
wouldn’t　let　anyone　else　put　a　finger　on　your　tank　at　all；　not　even　me　or　Mel。　But　Doc　let　me　watch　this　
time。　It　was　way　cool；　Wanda。　I　don’t　know　why　you　wouldn’t　let　me　watch　before。　They　wouldn’t　let　
me　help；　though。　Ian　wouldn’t　let　anyone　touch　you　but　him。”

　Ian　squeezed　my　hand　and　leaned　in　to　whisper　through　all　the　hair。　His　voice　was　so　low　that　I　was　the　
only　one　who　could　hear。　“I　held　you　in　my　hand；　Wanderer。　And　you　were　so　beautiful。”

　My　eyes　got　all　wet；　and　I　had　to　sniff。

　“You　like　it；　don’t　you？”　Jamie　asked；　his　voice　worried　now。　“You’re　not　mad？　There’s　nobody　in　
there　with　you；　is　there？”

　“I’m　not　mad；　exactly；”　I　whispered。　“And　I—I　can’t　find　anybody　else。　Just　Pet’s　memories。　Pet’s　
been　in　here　since…　I　can’t　remember　when　she　wasn’t　here。　I　can’t　remember　any　other　name。”

　“You’re　not　a　parasite；”　Melanie　said　firmly；　touching　my　hair；　pulling　up　a　strand　and　letting　the　gold　
slide　between　her　fingers。　“This　body　didn’t　belong　to　Pet；　but　there’s　nobody　else　to　claim　it。　We　waited　
to　make　sure；　Wanda。　We　tried　to　wake　her　up　almost　as　long　as　we　tried　with　Jodi。”

　“Jodi？　What　happened　to　Jodi？”　I　chirped；　my　little　voice　going　higher；　like　a　bird’s；　with　anxiety。　I　
struggled　to　get　up；　and　Ian　pulled　me—it　took　no　effort；　no　strength　to　move　my　tiny　new　body—into　a　
sitting　position　with　his　arm　supporting　me。　I　could　see　all　the　faces　then。

　Doc；　no　more　tears　in　his　eyes。　Jeb；　peeking　around　Doc；　his　expression　satisfied　and　burning　with　
curiosity　at　the　same　time。　Next；　a　woman　I　didn’t　recognize　for　a　second　because　her　face　was　more　
animated　than　I’d　ever　seen　it；　and　I　hadn’t　seen　it　much　anyway—Mandy；　the　former　Healer。　Closer　to　
me；　Jamie；　with　his　bright；　excited　smile；　Melanie　beside　him；　and　Jared　behind　her；　his　hands　around　her　
waist。　I　knew　that　his　hands　would　never　feel　right　unless　they　were　touching　her　body—my　

　

　It　made　me　sorry　to　realize　that　I　still　loved　Jared。　I　wasn’t　free　of　that；　wasn’t　free　of　jealousy　for　the　
body　he　loved。　My　glance　flickered　back　to　Mel。　I　saw　the　rueful　twist　of　the　mouth　that　used　to　be　mine；　
and　knew　she　understood。

　I　continued　quickly　around　the　cluster　of　faces　circling　my　bed；　while　Doc；　after　a　pause；　answered　my　
question。　
Trudy　and　Geoffrey；　Heath；　Paige　and　Andy。　Brandt；　even…


　“Jodi　didn’t　respond。　We　kept　trying　as　long　as　we　could。”　
Was　Jodi　gone；　then？　I　wondered；　my　inexperienced　heart　throbbing。　I　was　giving　the　poor　frail　thing　
such　a　rough　awakening。


　Heidi　and　Lily；　Lily　smiling　a　pained　little　smile—none　the　less　sincere　for　the　pain…　
“We　were　able　to　keep　her　hydrated；　but　we　had　no　way　to　feed　her。　We　were　worried　about　
atrophy—her　muscles；　her　brain…”　
While　my　new　heart　ached　harder　than　it　had　ever　ached—ached　for　a　woman　I’d　never　known—my　


eyes　continued　around　the　circle　and　then　froze。　
Jodi；　clinging　to　Kyle’s　side；　stared　back　at　me。　
She　smiled　tentatively；　and　suddenly　I　recognized　her。　
“Sunny！”　
“I　got　to　stay；”　she　said；　not　quite　smug　but　almost。　“Just　like　you。”　She　glanced　at　Kyle’s　face—which　

was　more　stoic　than　I　was　used　to　seeing　it—and　her　voice　turned　sad。　“I’m　trying；　though。　I　am　looking　
for　her。　I　will　keep　looking。”　
“Kyle　had　us　put　Sunny　back　when　it　looked　like　we　would　lose　Jodi；”　Doc　continued　quietly。


　I　stared　at　Sunny　and　Kyle　for　a　moment；　stunned；　and　then　finished　the　circle。　
Ian　was　watching　me　with　a　strange　bination　of　joy　and　nervousness。　His　face　was　higher　than　it　
should　have　been；　bigger　than　it　used　to　be。　But　his　eyes　were　still　the　blue　I　remembered。　The　anchor　
that　held　me　to　this　planet。


　“You　okay　in　there？”　he　asked。


　“I…　I　don’t　know；”　I　admitted。　“This　feels　very…　weird。　Every　bit　as　weird　as　switching　species。　So　
much　weirder　than　I　would　have　thought。　I…　I　don’t　know。”　
My　heart　fluttered　again；　looking　into　those　eyes；　and　this　was　no　memory　of　another　lifetime’s　love。　My　


mouth　felt　dry；　and　my　stomach　quivered。　The　place　where　his　arm　touched　my　back　felt　more　alive　than　


　

Kyle　had　shuffled　closer；　a　grin　spreading　across　his　face。　Sunny’s　smile　was　the　smile　of　a　
coconspirator。　
How　much　No　Pain　had　Doc　given　me？　Everything　was　glowing。　
Ian　brushed　the　cloud　of　golden　hair　back　from　my　face　and　laid　his　hand　on　my　cheek。　His　hand　was　so　


big　just　the　palm　covered　from　my　jaw　to　my　forehead；　the　contact　sent　a　jolt　of　electricity　through　my　


silvery　skin。　It　tingled　after　that　first　jolt；　and　the　pit　of　my　stomach　tingled　along　with　it。　
I　could　feel　a　warm　flush　pinking　my　cheeks。　My　heart　had　never　been　broken　before；　but　it　had　also　
never　flown。　It　made　me　shy；　I　had　a　hard　time　finding　my　voice。


　“I　suppose　I　could　do　that；”　I　whispered。　“If　it　makes　you　happy。”　
“That’s　not　good　enough；　actually；”　Ian　disagreed。　“It　has　to　makeyou　happy；　too。”　
I　could　only　meet　his　gaze　for　a　few　seconds　at　a　time；　the　shyness；　so　new　and　confusing　to　me；　had　my　


eyes　dropping　to　my　lap　again　and　again。　
“I…　think　it　might；”　I　agreed。　“I　think　it　might　make　me　very；　very　happy。”　
Happy　and　sad；　elated　and　miserable；　secure　and　afraid；　loved　and　denied；　patient　and　angry；　peaceful　


and　wild；　plete　and　empty…　all　of　it。　I　would　feel　everything。　It　would　all　be　mine。　
Ian　coaxed　my　face　up　until　I　looked　him　in　the　eyes；　my　cheeks　flushing　darker。　
“Then　you　will　stay。”　
He　kissed　me；　right　in　front　of　everyone；　but　I　forgot　the　audience　quickly。　This　was　easy　and　right；　no　


division；　no　confusion；　no　objection；　just　Ian　and　me；　the　molten　rock　moving　through　this　new　body；　
melding　it　into　the　pact。　
“I　will　stay；”　I　agreed。　
And　my　tenth　life　began。


　EPILOGUE


　Continued

　Life　and　love　went　on　in　the　last　human　outpost　on　the　planet　Earth；　but　things　did　not　stay　exactly　the　
same。

　I　was　not　the　same。　

　

　I’d　inherited　a　great　deal　of　grief　for　Cloud　Spinner。　I　missed　the　mother　I’d　never　known　and　mourned　
for　her　suffering　now。　Perhaps　there　could　be　no　joy　on　this　planet　without　an　equal　weight　of　pain　to　
balance　it　out　on　some　unknown　scale。

　I’d　inherited　unexpected　limitations。　I　was　used　to　a　body　that　was　strong　and　fast　and　tall—a　body　that　
could　run　for　miles；　go　without　food　and　water；　lift　heavy　weights；　and　reach　high　shelves。　This　body　was　
weak—and　not　just　physically。　This　body　seized　up　with　crippling　shyness　every　time　I　was　unsure　of　
myself；　which　seemed　to　be　often　these　days。

　I’d　inherited　a　different　role　in　the　human　munity。　People　carried　things　for　me　now　and　let　me　pass　
first　into　a　room。　They　gave　me　the　easiest　chores　and　then；　half　the　time；　took　the　work　right　out　of　my　
hands　anyway。　Worse　than　that；　I　needed　the　help。　My　muscles　were　soft　and　not　used　to　labor。　I　tired　
easily；　and　my　attempts　to　hide　that　fooled　no　one。　I　probably　couldn’t　have　run　a　mile　without　stopping。

　Ther