hardest parts were over。
I had done this before。 Many times。 I had closed my eyes and gone away。 Always knowing new eyes
would open again； but still。 This was familiar。 Nothing to fear。
I went to the cot and hopped up so that I was sitting on it。 I reached for the No Pain with steady hands
and screwed the lid off。 I put the little tissue square on my tongue； let it dissolve。
There was no change。 I wasn’t in any pain this time。 No physical pain。
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter； processtext/abclit。html
”
I wanted to answer all the little puzzles before the end。
Doc sniffed and wiped the back of his hand under his eyes。
“Eustace。 It’s a family name； and my parents were cruel people。”
I laughed once。 Then I sighed。 “Jared’s waiting； back by the big cave。 I promised him you’d tell him
when it was over。 Just wait until I—until I… stop moving； okay？ It will be too late for him to do anything
about my decision then。”
“I don’t want to do this； Wanda。”
“I know。 Thanks for that； Doc。 But I’m holding you to your promise。”
“Please？”
“No。 You gave me your word。 I did my part； didn’t I？”
“You did。”
“Then do yours。 Let me stay with Walt and Wes。”
His thin face worked as he tried to keep back a sob。
“Will you be… in pain？”
“No； Doc；” I lied。 “I won’t feel anything。”
I waited for the euphoria to e； for the No Pain to set everything glowing the way it had the last time。
I still didn’t feel any difference。
It must not have been the No Pain after all—it had just been being loved。 I sighed again。
I stretched out on the cot； on my stomach； and turned my face toward him。
“Put me under； Doc。”
The bottle opened。 I heard him shake it onto the cloth in his hand。
“You are the noblest； purest creature I’ve ever met。 The universe will be a darker place without you；” he
whispered。
These were his words over my grave； my epitaph； and I was glad that I got to hear them。
Thank you； Wanda。 My sister。 I will never forget you。
Be happy； Mel。 Enjoy it all。 Appreciate it for me。
Bye；we thought together。
Doc’s hand pressed the cloth gently over my face。 I breathed in deeply； ignoring the thick；
unfortable scent。 As I took another breath； I saw the three stars again。 They were not calling to me；
they were letting me go； leaving me to the black universe I had wandered for so many lifetimes。 I drifted
into the black； and it got brighter and brighter。 It wasn’t black at all—it was blue。 Warm； vibrant； brilliant
blue… I floated into it with no fear at all。
CHAPTER 59
Remembered
The beginning would feel like the end。 I’d been warned。
But this time the end was a greater surprise than it had ever been。 Greater than any end I’d remembered
in nine lives。 Greater than jumping down an elevator shaft。 I had expected no more memories； no more
thoughts。 What end was this？
The sun is setting—the colors are all rosy； and they make me think of my friend… what would her name
be here？ Something about… ruffles？ Ruffles and more ruffles。 She was a beautiful Flower。 The flowers
here are so lifeless and boring。 They smell wonderful； though。 Smells are the best part of this place。
Footsteps behind me。 Has Cloud Spinner followed me again？ I don’t need a jacket。 It’s warm
here—finally！—and I want to feel the air on my skin。 I won’t look at her。 Maybe she’ll think I can’t hear
and she’ll go home。 She is so careful with me； but I’m almost grown now。 She can’t mother me forever。
“Excuse me？” someone says； and I don’t know the voice。
I turn to look at her； and I don’t know the face； either。 She’s pretty。
The face in the memory jerked me back to myself。 That was my face！ But I didn’t remember this。…
“Hi；” I say。
“Hello。 My name is Melanie。” She smiles at me。 “I’m new in town and… I think I’m lost。”
“Oh！ Where are you trying to go？ I’ll take you。 Our car is just back —”
“No； it’s not far。 I was going for a walk； but now I can’t find my way back to Becker Street。”
She’s a new neighbor—how nice。 I love new friends。
“You’re very close；” I tell her。 “It’s just around the second corner up that way； but you can cut right
through this little alley here。 It takes you straight there。”
“Could you show me？ I’m sorry； what’s your name？”
“Of course！ e with me。 I’m Petals Open to the Moon； but my family mostly calls me Pet。 Where
are you from； Melanie？”
“Either one。” I laugh； too。 I like her smile。 “There are two Bats on this street。 They live in that yellow
house with the pine trees。”
“I’ll have to say hello；” she murmurs； but her voice has changed； tensed。 She’s looking into the dusky
alley as though she’s expecting to see something。
And there is something there。 Two people； a man and a boy。 The boy drags his hand through his long
black hair like he’s nervous。 Maybe he is worried because he’s lost； too。 His pretty eyes are wide and
excited。 The man is very still。
Jamie。 Jared。 My heart thumped； but the feeling was peculiar； wrong。 Too small and… fluttery。
“These are my friends； Pet；” Melanie tells me。
“Oh！ Oh； hello。” I stretch my hand out to the man—he’s the closest。
He reaches for my hand； and his grip is so strong。
He yanks me forward； right up to his body。 I don’t understand。 This feels wrong。 I don’t like it。
My heart beats faster； and I’m afraid。 I’ve never been scared like this before。 I don’t understand。
His hand swings toward my face； and I gasp。 I suck in the mist that es from his hand。 A silver cloud
that tastes like raspberries。
“Wha —” I want to ask； but I can’t see them anymore。 I can’t see anything。…
There was no more。
“Wanda？ Can you hear me； Wanda？” a familiar voice asked。
That wasn’t the right name… was it？ My ears didn’t react to it； but something did。 Wasn’t I Petals
Open to the Moon？ Pet？ Was that it？ That didn’t feel right； either。 My heart beat faster； an echo of the
fear in my memory。 A vision of a woman with white…and…red…streaked hair and kind green eyes filled my
head。 Where was my mother？ But… she wasn’tmy mother； was she？
A sound； a low voice that echoed around me。 “Wanda。 e back。 We aren’t letting you go。”
The voice was familiar； and it was also not。 It sounded like… me？
Where was Petals Open to the Moon？ I couldn’t find her。 Just a thousand empty memories。 A house full
of pictures but no inhabitants。
“Use the Awake；” a voice said。 I didn’t recognize this one。
Something brushed my face； light as the touch of fog。 I knew that scent。 It was the smell of grapefruit。
I took a deeper breath； and my mind suddenly cleared。
shrunken。
My hands were warmer than the rest of me； and that was because they were being held。 Held in big
hands； hands that swallowed them right up。
It smelled odd—stuffy and a little moldy。 I remembered the smell… but surely I’d never smelled it
before in my life。
I saw nothing but dull red—the insides of my eyelids。 I wanted to open them； so I went searching for the
right muscles to do that。
“Wanderer？ We’re all waiting for you； honey。 Open your eyes。”
This voice； this warm breath against my ear； was even more familiar。 A strange feeling tickled through
my veins at the sound。 A feeling I’d never； ever felt before。 The sound made my breath catch and my
fingers tremble。
I wanted to see the face that went with that voice。
A color washed through my mind—a color that called to me from a faraway life—a brilliant； glowing
blue。 The whole universe was bright blue。…
And finally I knew my name。 Yes； that was right。 Wanderer。 I was Wanderer。 Wanda； too。 I
remembered that now。
A light touch on my face—a warm pressure on my lips； on my eyelids。 Ah； that’s where they were。 I
could make them blink now that I’d found them。
“She’s waking up！” someone crowed excitedly。
Jamie。 Jamie was here。 My heart gave another fluttery little thump。
It took a moment for my eyes to focus。 The blue that stabbed my eyes was all wrong—too pale； too
washed out。 It wasn’t the blue I wanted。
A hand touched my face。 “Wanderer？”
I looked to the sound。 The movement of my head on my neck felt so odd。 It didn’t feel like it used to；
but at the same time it felt the way it had always felt。
My searching eyes found the blue I’d been looking for。 Sapphire； snow； and midnight。
“Ian？ Ian； where am I？” The sound of the voice ing out of my throat frightened me。 So high and
trilling。 Familiar； but not mine。 “Whoam I？”
“You’re you；” Ian told me。 “And you’re right where you belong。”
I pulled one of my hands free from the giant’s hand that held it。 I meant to touch my face； but someone’s
hand reached toward me； and I froze。
I tried to move my hand again； to protect myself； but that moved the hand above me。 I started shaking；
and the hand trembled。
Oh。
I opened and closed the hand； looking at it carefully。
Was thismy hand； this tiny thing？ It was a child’s hand； except for the long pink…and…white nails； filed
into perfect； smooth curves。 The skin was fair； with a strange silvery cast to it and； entirely incongruous； a
scattering of golden freckles。
It was the odd bination of silver and gold that brought the image back： I could see a face in my
head； reflected in a mirror。
The setting of the memory threw me off for a moment because I wasn’t used to so much civilization—at
the same time； I knew nothingbut civilization。 A pretty dresser with all kinds of frilly and delicate things on
top of it。 A profusion of dainty glass bottles containing the scents I loved—I loved？ Or she loved？—so
much。 A potted orchid。 A set of silver bs。
The big round mirror was framed in a wreath of metal roses。 The face in the mirror was roundish； too；
not quite oval。 Small。 The skin on the face had the same silver undertone—silver like moonlight—as the
hand did； with another handful of the golden freckles across the bridge of the nose。 Wide gray eyes； the
silver of the soul shimmering faintly behind the soft color； framed by tangled golden lashes。 Pale pink lips；
full and almost round； like a baby’s。 Small； even white teeth behind them。 A dimple in the chin。 And
everywhere； everywhere； golden； waving hair that stood away from my face in a bright halo and fell
below where the mirror showed。
My face or her face？
It was the perfect face for a Night Flower。 Like an exact translation from Flower to human。
“Where is she？” my high； reedy voice demanded。 “Where is Pet？” Her absence frightened me。 I’d never
seen a more defenseless creature than this half…child with her moonlight face and sunlight hair。
“She’s right here；” Doc assured me。 “Tanked and ready to go。 We thought you could tell us the best
place to send her。”
I looked toward his voice。 When I saw him standing in the sunlight； a lit cryotank in his hands； a rush of
memories from my former life came back to me。
“Doc！” I gasped in the tiny； fragile voice。 “Doc； you promised！ You gave me your oath；Eustace！ Why