“But Ilove her； Ian。”
He closed his eyes； and his pale lips went dead white。
“But I loveyou； ” he whispered。 “Doesn’t that matter？”
“Of course it matters。 So much。 Can’t you see？ That only makes it more… necessary。”
His eyes flashed open。 “Is it so unbearable to have me love you？ Is that it？ I can keep my mouth shut；
Wanda。 I won’t say it again。 You can be with Jared； if that’s what you want。 Just stay。”
“No； Ian！” I took his face between my hands—his skin felt hard； strained tight over the bones。 “No。
I—I love you； too。 Me； the little silver worm in the back of her head。 But my body doesn’t love you。 It
can’t love you。 I can never love you in this body； Ian。 It pulls me in two。 It’s unbearable。”
I could have borne it。 But watchinghim suffer because of my body’s limitations？ Not that。
He closed his eyes again。 His thick black lashes were wet with tears。 I could see them glisten。
Oh； go ahead；Mel sighed。Do whatever you need to。 I’ll… step into the other room； she added
dryly。
Thanks。
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him until my lips touched his。
He curled his arms around me； pulling me tighter against his chest。 Our lips moved together； fusing as if
they would never divide； as if separation was not the inevitable thing it was； and I could taste the salt of
our tears。 His and mine。
Something began to change。
When Melanie’s body touched Jared’s body； it was like a wildfire—a fast burn that raced across the
surface of the desert and consumed everything in its path。
My unwilling body was a fog between us—a thick curtain； but gauzy enough that I could see through it；
could see what was happening。
It changedme； not her。 It was almost a metallurgical process deep inside the core of who I was；
something that had already begun； was already nearly forged。 But this long； unbroken kiss finished it；
searing and sharp edged—it shoved this new creation； all hissing； into the cold water that made it hard
and final。 Unbreakable。
And I started to cry again； realizing that it must be changing him； too； this man who was kind enough to
be a soul but strong as only a human could be。
He moved his lips to my eyes； but it was too late。 It was done。 “Don’t cry； Wanda。 Don’t cry。 You’re
staying with me。”
“Eight full lives；” I whispered against his jaw； my voice breaking。 “Eight full lives and I never found
anyone I would stay on a planet for； anyone I would follow when they left。 I never found a partner。 Why
now？ Why you？ You’re not of my species。 How can you be my partner？”
“It’s a strange universe；” he murmured。
“It’s not fair；” I plained； echoing Sunny’s words。 It wasn’t fair。 How could I find this； find
love—now； in this eleventh hour—and have to leave it？ Was it fair that my soul and body couldn’t
reconcile？ Was it fair that I had to love Melanie； too？
Was it fair that Ian would suffer？ He deserved happiness if anyone did。 Itwasn’t fair or right or even…
sane。 How could I do this to him？
“I love you；” I whispered。
“Don’t say that like you’re saying goodbye。”
But I had to。 “I； the soul called Wanderer； love you； human Ian。 And that will never change； no matter
what I might bee。” I worded it carefully； so that there would be no lie in my voice。 “If I were a
Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower； it wouldn’t matter。 I would always love you； always remember you。 You
will be my only partner。”
His arms stiffened； then constricted tighter around me； and I could feel the anger in them again。 It was
hard to breathe。
“You’re not wandering off anywhere。 You’re staying here。”
“Ian —”
But his voice was brusque now—angry； but also businesslike。 “This isn’t just for me。 You’re a part of
this munity； and you aren’t getting kicked out without discussion。 You are far too important to us
all—even to the ones who would never admit it。 We need you。”
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter； processtext/abclit。html
”
“No。 Not even you yourself； Wanderer。”
He kissed me again； his mouth rougher with the return of the anger。 His hand curled into a fist around my
hair； and he pulled my face an inch away from his。
“Good or bad？” he demanded。
“Good。”
“That’s what I thought。” And his voice was a growl。
He kissed me again。 His arms were so tight around my ribs； his mouth so fierce against mine； that I was
soon dizzy and gasping for air。 He loosened his arms a little then and let his lips slide to my ear。
“Let’s go。”
“Where？ Where are we going？” I wasn’t going anywhere； I knew that。 And yet how my heart pounded
when I thought of going away； somewhere； anywhere； with Ian。 My Ian。 He was mine； the way Jared
never would be。 The way this body could never be his。
“Don’t give me any trouble about this； Wanderer。 I’m half out of my mind。” He pulled us both to our
feet。
“Where？” I insisted。
“You’re going down the eastern tunnel； past the field； to the end。”
“The game room？”
“Yes。 And then you are going to wait there until I get the rest of them。”
“Why？” His words sounded crazy to me。 Did he want to play a game？ To ease the tension again？
“Because thiswill be discussed。 I’m calling a tribunal； Wanderer； and you are going to abide by our
decision。”
CHAPTER 57
pleted
It was a small tribunal this time； not like the trial for Kyle’s life。 Ian brought only Jeb； Doc； and Jared。 He
knew without having to be told that Jamie must not be allowed anywhere near these proceedings。
Melanie would have to give that goodbye for me。 I couldn’t face that； not with Jamie。 I didn’t care if it
was cowardly of me。 I wouldn’t do it。
Just one blue lamp； one dim circle of light on the stone floor。 We sat on the edge of the ring of light； I
was alone； the four men facing me。 Jeb had even brought his gun—as if it were a gavel and would make
waste of my small store of time。 I was worried about more important things。
“Which one？” he responded in a weary voice。
I stared at him for a few seconds； and then my eyes grew wide。 “Sunny’s gone？ Already？”
“Kyle thought it was cruel to make her suffer longer。 She was… unhappy。”
“I wish I could have said goodbye；” I murmured to myself。 “And good luck。 How is Jodi？”
“No response yet。”
“The Healer’s body？”
“Trudy took her away。 I think they went to get her something to eat。 They’re working on finding a
temporary name she likes； so we can call her something besidesthe body。 ” He smiled wryly。
“She’ll be fine。 I’m sure she will；” I said； trying to believe the words。 “And Jodi； too。 It will all work
out。”
No one called me on my lies。 They knew I was saying this for myself。
Doc sighed。 “I don’t want to be away from Jodi long。 She might need something。”
“Right；” I agreed。 “Let’s get this over with。” The quicker the better。 Because it didn’t matter what was
said here； Doc had agreed to my terms。 And yet there was some stupid part of me that hoped… hoped
that there was a solution that would make everything perfect and let me stay with Ian and Mel with Jared
in a way that absolutely no one would suffer for。 Best to crush that impossible hope quickly。
“Okay；” Jeb said。 “Wanda； what’s your side？”
“I’m giving Melanie back。” Firm； short—no reasons to argue against。
“Ian； what’s yours？”
“We need Wanda here。”
Firm； short—he was copying me。
Jeb nodded to himself。 “That’s a tricky one。 Wanda； why should I agree with you？”
“If it were you； you’d want your body back。 You can’t deny Melanie that。”
“Ian？” Jeb asked。
He’s right。
Nobody asked you。
Jared spoke up。 “Wanda； what does Mel say？”
Ha；Mel said。
I stared into Jared’s eyes； and the strangest thing happened。 All the melting and melding I had just been
through was shoved aside； into the smallest part of my body； the little corner that I took up physically。
The rest of me yearned toward Jared with the same desperate； half…crazed hunger I’d felt since the first
time I’d seen him here。 This body barely belonged to me or to Melanie—it belonged to him。
There really wasn’t room enough for the two of us in here。
“Melanie wants her body back。 She wants her life back。”
Liar。 Tell them the truth。
No。
“Liar；” Ian said。 “I can see you arguing with her。 I’ll bet she agrees with me。 She’s a good person。 She
knows how much we need you。”
“Mel knows everything I know。 She’ll be able to help you。 And the Healer’s host。 She knows more than
I ever did。 You’ll be fine。 You were fine before I was here。 You’ll survive； just like before。”
Jeb blew out a puff of air； frowning。 “I don’t know； Wanda。 Ian’s got a point。”
I glared at the old man and saw that Jared was doing the same。 I looked away from that standoff to level
a grim glance at Doc。
Doc met my eyes； and his face clenched with pain。 He understood the reminder I was giving him。 He’d
promised。 This tribunal didn’t overrule that。
Ian was watching Jared—he didn’t see our silent exchange。
“Jeb；” Jared protested。 “There’s only one decision here。 You know that。”
“Is there； kid？ Seems to me there’s a whole barrel of ’em。”
“That’s Melanie’s body！”
“And Wanda’s； too。”
Jared choked on his response and had to start over。 “You can’t leave Mel trapped in there—it’s like
murder； Jeb。”
Wanda； Jared？ And the rest of us； if you take her away？”
“You don’t care about the rest of anybody！ You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie’s
expense—nothing else matters to you。”
“And you want to have Melanie at Wanda’s expense—nothing else matters toyou！ So； with those things
being equal； it es down to what’s best for everyone else。”
“No！ It es down to what Melanie wants！ That’s her body！”
They were both crouched halfway between sitting and standing now； their fists clenched and their faces
twisted with rage。
“Cool it； boys！ Cool it right now；” Jeb ordered。 “This is a tribunal； and we’re going to stay calm and
keep our heads。 We’ve got to think about every side。”
“Jeb —” Jared began。
“Shut up。” Jeb chewed on his lip for a while。 “Okay； here’s how I see it。 Wanda’s right —”
Ian lurched to his feet。
“Hold it！ Sit yourself back down。 Let me finish。”
Jeb waited until Ian； the tendons standing out in his taut neck； stiffly returned to a seated position。
“Wanda is right；” Jeb said。 “Mel needs her body back。But； ” he added quickly when Ian tensed again；
“but I don’t agree with the rest； Wanda。 I think we need you pretty bad； kid。 We got Seekers out there
lookin’ for us； and you can talk right to ’em。 The rest of us can’t do that。 You save lives。 I got to think
about the welfare of my household。”
Jared spoke through his teeth。 “So we get her another body。 Obviously。”
Doc’s crumpled face lifted。 Jeb’s white caterpillar eyebrows touched his hairline。 Ian’s eyes widened
and his lips pursed。 He stared at me； considering。…
“No！No！ ” I shook my head frantically。