early…morning thing has got to go。”
“Girls！” my mother screamed again。 “Is anyone awake up there？
Anyone？ I don’t care if you’re still sleeping； just please
tell me one way or the other so I know how many waffles to
defrost！”
“Please tell her one way or the other？ I’m going to kill her；
Lil。” And then toward my still closed door： “We’re still
sleeping； can’t you tell？ Fast asleep； probably for hours
more。 We don’t hear the baby or you screaming； or anything
else！” I shouted back； collapsing backward on the bed。 Lily
laughed。
“Relax；” she said in a very un…Lily…like way。 “They’re just
happy you’re Home； and I； for one； am happy to be here。
Besides； it’s only a couple more months； and we’ve got each
other。 It’s really not so bad。”
“A couple more months？ It’s only been one so far； and I’m
ready to put a bullet in my head。” I yanked my nightshirt over
my head—one of Alex’s old workout ones—and put on a
sweatshirt。 The same jeans I’d been wearing every day for the
past few weeks lay rumpled in a ball near my closet； when I
pulled them over my hips； I noticed that were feeling snugger。
Now that I no longer had to resort to gulping down a bowl of
soup or subsisting on cigarettes and Starbucks alone； my body
had adjusted itself accordingly and gained back the ten pounds
I’d lost while working atRunway 。 And it didn’t even make me
cringe； Ibelieved it when Lily and my parents told me I looked
healthy； not fat。
Lily slipped on a pair of sweatpants over the boxers she’d
slept in and tied a bandana over her frizzed…out curls。 With
her hair pulled off her face； the angry red marks where her
forehead had met shards of the windshield were more
noticeable； but the stitches had already e out and the
doctor promised that there’d be minimal； if any； scarring。
“e on；” she said； grabbing the crutches that were propped
against the wall everywhere she went。 “They’re all leaving
today； so maybe we’ll get a decent night’s sleep tonight。”
“She’s not going to stop screaming until we go down there； is
she？” I mumbled； holding her elbow to help her to her feet。
The cast around her right ankle had been signed by my entire
family； and Kyle had even drawn annoying little messages from
Isaac all over it。
“Not a chance。”
My sister appeared in the doorway； cradling the baby； who
currently had drool halfway down his chubby chin but was now
giggling contentedly。 “Look who I have；” she cooed in baby
talk； bouncing the happy boy up and down in her arms。 “Isaac；
tell your auntie Andy not to be such a tremendous bitch； since
we’re all leaving real； real soon。 Can you do that for mommy；
honey？ Can you？”
Isaac sneezed a very cute baby sneeze in response； and Jill
looked as though he’d just risen up from her arms a full…grown
man and recited a few Shakespearean sonnets。 “Did you see
that； Andy？ Did youhear that？ Oh； my little guy is just the
cutest thing ever！”
“Good morning；” I said； kissing her on the cheek。 “You know I
don’t want you to leave； right？ And Isaac’s wele to stay as
long as he can figure out how to sleep between the hours of
midnight and tenA 。M。 Hell； even Kyle can stick around if he
promises not to talk。 See？ We’re easy here。”
Lily had managed to hobble down the stairs and greet my
parents； who were both dressed for work and saying their
good…byes to Kyle。
I made my bed and tucked Lily’s back underneath； making sure
to fluff her pillow before sticking it in my closet for the
day。 She’d e out of the a before I even got off the
plane from Paris； and after Alex I was the first one to see
her awake。 They ran a million tests on every conceivable body
part； but with the exception of some stitches on her face；
neck； and chest； and the broken ankle； she was perfectly
healthy。 Looked like hell； of course—exactly what you’d expect
for someone who’d danced with an oning vehicle—but she was
moving around just fine and even seemed almost annoyingly
upbeat for someone who’d just lived through what she did。
It was my dad’s idea that we sublet our apartment for November
and December and move in with them。 Although the idea had been
less than appealing to me； my zero…sum salary left me with few
arguments。 And besides； Lily seemed to wele the chance to
get out of the city for a little while and leave behind all
the questions and gossip that she’d have to face as soon as
she saw anyone she knew again。 We’d listed the place
oncraigslist as a perfect “holiday rental” to enjoy all
the sights of New York； and to both our shock and amazement；
an older Swedish couple whose children were all living in the
city paid our full asking price—six hundred dollars more per
month than we ourselves paid。 The three hundred bucks a month
was more than enough for each of us to live on； especially
considering my parents ped us food； laundry； and the use of
a beat…up Camry。 The Swedes were leaving the week after New
Year’s； just in time for Lily to start her semester over again
and for me to； well； do something。
Emily had been the one who officially fired me。 Not that I’d
had any lingering doubts as to my employment status after my
little foul…mouthed temper tantrum； but I suppose Miranda had
been livid enough to drive Home one last dig。 The whole thing
had taken only three or four minutes and had unfolded with the
ruthlessRunway efficiency that I loved so much。
I’d just managed to hail a cab and pry the left boot from my
pulsating foot when the phone rang。 Of course my heart
instinctively lurched forward； but when I remembered that I’d
just told Miranda what she could do with herYou remind me of
myself when I was your age； I realized it couldn’t be her。 I
did a quick tabulation of the minutes that had passed： one for
Miranda to shut her gaping mouth and recover her cool for all
the Clackers who were watching； another for her to locate her
Cell Phone and call Emily at Home； a third to convey the
sordid details of my unprecedented outburst； and a final one
for Emily to reassure Miranda that she herself would “see to
it that everything was taken care of。” Yes； although the
caller ID simply said “unavailable” on international phone
calls； there wasn’t a doubt in the world who was ringing。
“Hi； Em； how are you？” I practically sang while rubbing my
bare foot and trying not to let it touch the filthy taxi
floor。
She seemed to be caught off…guard by my downright chipper
tone。 “Andrea？”
“Hey； it’s me； I’m right here。 What’s up？ I’m kind of in a
hurry； so 。 。 。” I thought about asking her directly if she’d
called to fire me but decided to give her a break for once。 I
braced myself for the verbal tirade she was sure to let loose
on me—how could you let her down； me down；Runway down； the
wide world of fashion； blah； blah； blah—but it never came。
“Oh yeah； of course。 So； I just spoke to Miranda 。 。 。” Her
voice trailed off as though she was hoping I’d continue and
explain that the whole thing had been a big mistake and not to
worry because I’d managed to fix it in the last four minutes。
“And you heard what happened； I’m assuming？”
“Um； yeah！ Andy； what’s going on？”
“I should probably be asking you that； right？”
There was silence。
“Listen； Em； I have a feeling that you called to fire me。 It’s
OK if you did； I know it’s not your decision。 So； did she tell
you to call and get rid of me？” Even though I felt lighter
than I had in many months； I still found myself holding my
breath； wondering if maybe； through some dumb stroke of luck
or misfortune； Miranda had respected my telling her to fuck
off instead of been appalled by it。
“Yes。 She asked me to let you know that you have been
terminated； effective immediately； and she would like you to
be checked out of the Ritz before she returns from the show。”
She said this softly and with a trace of regret。 Perhaps it
was for the many hours and days and weeks she was now facing
of finding and training someone all over again； but there
sounded like there might be something even more behind it。
“You’re going to miss me； aren’t you； Em？ Go on； say it。 It’s
OK； I won’t tell anyone。 As far as I’m concerned； this
conversation never happened。 You don’t want me to go； do you？”
Miracle of miracles； she laughed。 “What did you say to her？
She just kept repeating that you were crass and unlady…like。 I
couldn’t get anything more specific out of her than that。”
“Oh； that’s probably because I told her to fuck herself。”
“You did not！”
“You’re calling to fire me。 I assure you； I did。”
“Oh my god。”
“Yeah； well； I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the single most
satisfying moment of my pathetic life。 Of course； I have now
been fired by the most powerful woman in publishing。 Not only
do I not have a way to pay off my nearly maxed…out MasterCard；
but future jobs in magazines are looking rather dismal。 Maybe
I should try to work for one of her enemies？ They’d be happy
to hire me； right？”
“Sure。 Send your résumé over to Anna Wintour—they’ve never
liked each other very much。”
“Hmm。 Something to think about。 Listen； Em； no hard feelings；
OK？” We both knew that we had absolutely； positively not a
single thing in mon but Miranda Priestly； but as long as we
were getting on so famously； I figured I’d play along。
“Sure； of course；” she lied awkwardly； knowing full well that
I was about to enter into the upper stratosphere of social
pariah…dom。 The chances of Emily admitting she had so much as
known me from this day forward were nonexistent； but that was
OK。 Maybe in ten years when she was sitting front and center
at the Michael Kors show and I was still shopping at Filene’s
and dining at Benihana； we’d laugh about the whole thing。 But
probably not。
“Well； I’d love to chat； but I’m kind of screwed up right now；
not sure what to do next。 I’ve got to figure out a way to get
Home as soon as possible。 Do you think I can still use my
return ticket？ She can’t fire me and leave me stranded in a
foreign country； can she？”
“Well of course she would be justified in doing so； Andrea；”
she said。 Ah…hah！ One last zinger。 It was forting to know
that things never really changed。 “After all； it’s really you
who are deserting your job—you forced her to fire you。