week；” my mother said； stirring her tea with a spoon。 We were
sitting at the kitchen table in our usual spots； my mother drinking
her usual decaf tea with Sweet’N Low； me with my usual mug of
English Breakfast and sugar。 Even though I hadn’t lived at Home in
four years； all it took was an oversize mug of microwaved tea and a
couple Reese’s peanut butter cups to make me feel like I’d never
left。
“Well； I don’t have a choice； and； honestly； I’m lucky to have that。
You should’ve heard how hard…core this woman was on the phone；” I
said。 She looked at me； expressionless。 “But； whatever； I can’t
worry about it。 I did just get a job at a really famous magazine
with one of the most powerful women in the industry。 A job a million
girls would die for。”
We smiled at each other； but her smile was tinged with sadness。 “I’m
so happy for you；” she said。 “Such a beautiful； grown…up daughter I
have。 Honey； I just know this is going to be the start of a
wonderful； wonderful time in your life。 Ah； I remember graduating
from college and moving to New York。 All alone in that big； crazy
city。 Scary but so； so exciting。 I want you to love every minute of
it； all the plays and films and people and shopping and books。 It’s
going to be the best time of your life—I just know it。” She rested
her hand on mine； something she didn’t usually do。 “I’m so proud of
you。”
“Thanks； Mom。 Does that mean you’re proud enough of me to buy me an
apartment； furniture； and a whole new wardrobe？”
“Yeah； right；” she said and smacked the top of my head with a
magazine on her way to the microwave to heat two more cups。 She
hadn’t said no； but she wasn’t exactly grabbing her checkbook；
either。
I spent the rest of the evening e…mailing everyone I knew； asking if
anyone needed a roommate or knew of someone who did。 I posted some
messages online and called people I hadn’t spoken to in months。 No
luck。 I decided my only choice—without permanently moving onto
Lily’s couch and inevitably wrecking our friendship； or crashing at
Alex’s； which neither of us was ready for—was to sublet a room
short…term； until I could get my bearings in the city。 It would be
best to find my own room somewhere； and preferably one that was
already furnished so I wouldn’t have to deal with that； too。
The phone rang at a little after midnight； and I lunged for it；
nearly falling off my twin…size childhood bed in the process。 A
framed； signed picture of Chris Evert； my childhood hero； smiled
down from my wall； just below a bulletin board that still had
magazine cutouts of Kirk Cameron plastered across it。 I smiled into
the phone。
“Hey； champ； it’s Alex；” he said with that tone of voice that meant
something had happened。 It was impossible to tell if it was
something good or bad。 “I just got an e…mail that a girl； Claire
McMillan； is looking for a roommate。 Princeton girl。 I’ve met her
before； I think。 dating Andrew； totally normal。 You interested？”
“Sure； why not？ Do you have her number？”
“No； I only have her e…mail； but I’ll forward you her message and
you can get in touch with her。 I think she’ll be good。”
I e…mailed Claire while I finished talking to Alex and then finally
got some sleep in my own bed。 Maybe； just maybe； this would work
out。
Claire McMillan： not so much。 Her apartment was dark and depressing
and in the middle of Hell’s Kitchen； and there was a junkie propped
up on the doorstep when I arrived。 The others weren’t much better。
There was a couple looking to rent out an extra room in their
apartment who made indirect references to putting up with their
constant and loud lovemaking； an artist in her early thirties with
four cats and a fervent desire for more； a bedroom at the end of a
long； dark hallway； with no windows or closets； a twenty…year…old
gay guy in his self…proclaimed “slutty stage。” Each and every
miserable room I’d visited was going for well over 1；000 and my
salary was cashing in at a whopping 32；500。 And although math had
never been my strong suit； it didn’t take a genius to figure out
that rent would eat up more than 12；000 of it and taxes would take
the rest。 Oh； and my parents were confiscating the emergencies…only
credit card； now that I was an “adult。” Sweet。
Lily pulled through after three straight days of letdowns。 Since she
had a vested interest in getting me off her couch for good； she
e…mailed everyone she knew。 A classmate from her Ph。D。 program at
Columbia had a friend who had a boss who knew two girls who were
looking for a roommate。 I called immediately and spoke to a very
nice girl named Shanti； who told me she and her friend Kendra were
looking for someone to move into their Upper East Side apartment； in
a room that was miniscule but had a window； a closet； and even an
exposed brick wall。 For 800 a month。 I asked if the apartment had a
bathroom and kitchen。 It did （no dishwasher or bathtub or elevator；
of course； but one can hardly expect living in luxury their first
time out）。 Bingo。 Shanti and Kendra ended up being two very sweet
and quiet Indian girls who’d just graduated from Duke； worked
hellishly long hours at investment banks； and seemed to me； that
first day and every day thereafter； utterly indistinguishable from
each other。 I had found a Home。
4
I’d slept in my new room for three nights already and still felt
like a stranger living in a very strange place。 The room was minute。
Perhaps slightly larger than the storage shed in the backyard of my
house in Avon； but not really。 And unlike most empty spaces that
actually looked bigger with furniture； my room had shrunk to half
its size。 I had naively eyed the tiny square and decided that it had
to be close to a normal…size room and that I’d just buy the usual
bedroom set： a queen…size bed； a dresser； maybe a nightstand or two。
Lily and I had taken Alex’s car to Ikea； the postcollege apartment
mecca； and picked out a beautiful light…colored wood set and a woven
rug with shades of light blue； dark blue； royal blue； and indigo。
Again； like fashion； Home decorating was not my strong suit： I
believe that Ikea was into its “Blue Period。” We bought a duvet
cover with a blue…flecked pattern and the fluffiest forter they
sold。 She persuaded me to get one of those Chinese rice…paper lamps
for the nightstand； and I chose some preframed black…and…white
pictures to plement the deep red roughness of my much…hyped
exposed brick wall。 Elegant and casual； and not a little Zen。
Perfect for my first adult room in the big city。
Perfect； that is； until it all actually arrived。 It seems simply
eyeing a room isn’t quite the same as measuring it。 Nothing fit。
Alex put the bed together and by the time he’d pushed it against the
exposed…brick wall （Manhattan code for “unfinished wall”） it had
consumed the entire room。 I had to send the delivery men back with
the six…drawer dresser； the two adorable nightstands； and even the
full…length mirror。 The men and Alex did lift up the bed； however；
and I was able to slip the tri…blue rug under it； and a few blue
inches peeked out from underneath the wooden behemoth。 The
rice…paper lamp had no nightstand or dresser on which to rest； so I
simply placed it on the floor； wedged in the six inches between the
bed frame and the sliding closet door。 And even though I tried
special mounting tape； nails； duct tape； screws； wires； Krazy Glue；
double…sided tape； and much cursing； the framed photos refused to
adhere to the exposed brick wall。 After nearly three hours of effort
and knuckles rubbed bleeding and raw from the brick； I finally
propped them up on the windowsill。 It was for the best； I thought。
Blocked a bit of the direct view the woman living across the
airshaft had into my room。 None of it mattered； though。 Not the
airshaft instead of a majestic skyline or the lack of drawer space
or the closet that was too small to hold a winter coat。 The room was
mine—the first I could decorate all on my own； with no input from
parents or roommates—and I loved it。
It was the Sunday night before my first day of work； and I could do
nothing but agonize over what to wear the next day。 Kendra； the
nicer of my two apartmentmates； kept poking her head in and asking
quietly if she could help at all。 Considering the two of them wore
ultraconservative suits to work each day； I declined any fashion
input。 I paced the living room as much as I could manage when each
length only took four strides； and sat down on the futon in front of
the TV。 Just what does one wear to the first day working for the
most fashionable fashion editor of the most fashionable fashion
magazine in existence？ I’d heard of Prada （from the few Jappy girls
who carried the backpacks at Brown） and Louis Vuitton （because both
of my grandmothers sported the signature…print bags without
realizing how cool they were） and maybe even Gucci （because who
hasn’t heard of Gucci？）。 But I sure didn’t own a single stitch of
it； and I wouldn’t have known what to do with it if the entire
contents of all three stores resided in my miniature closet。 I
walked back to my room—or； rather； the wall…to…wall mattress that I
called a room—and collapsed on that big； beautiful bed； banging my
ankle on the bulky frame。 Shit。 What now？
After much agonizing and clothes…flinging； I finally decided on a
light blue sweater and a knee…length black skirt； with my knee…high
black boots。 I already knew that a briefcase wouldn’t fly there； so
I was left with no choice but to use my black canvas purse。 The last
thing I remember about that night was trying to navigate around my
massive bed in high…heeled boots； a skirt； and no shirt； and sitting
down to rest from the exhaustion of the effort。
I must have passed out from sheer anxiety； because it was adrenaline
alone that awakened me at 5：30A 。M。 I bolted from the bed。 My nerves
had been in perpetual overdrive all week； and my head felt like it
would explode。 I had exactly an hour and a half to shower； dress；
and make my way from my fraternity…like building at 96th and Third
to midtown via public transportation； a still sinister and
intimidating concept。 That meant I had to allot an hour for travel
time and a half hour to make myself beautiful。
The shower was horrific。 It made a high…pitched squealing noise like
one of those dog…training whistles； remaining steadfastly lukewarm
until jus