sometime between one and fiveA 。M。 the previous night； knowing that
once it was recorded for us； it was as good as done。 We were to
refer to ourselves in the third person—if it was absolutely crucial
for us to refer to ourselves at all。
She often asked us to find out exactly when and at what number a
particular person would be available to speak。 In this case it was a
tossup whether the fruits of our investigation would go under “note”
or “reminder。” I remember once thinking that the Bulletin read like
a who’s who in the Prada crowd； but the names of the superbigmoney；
the superhighfashion； and the generally superimpressive had ceased
to register as “special” on my desensitized brain。 In my newRunway
reality； the White House social secretary held little more interest
than the vet who needed to speak to her about the puppy’s
vaccinations （fat chance of him getting a call back！）。
Thursday； April 8
7。30： Simone called from the Paris office。 She figured out dates
with Mr。 Testino for the Rio shoot and also confirmed with Giselle’s
agent； but she still needs to discuss the fashion with you。 Please
call her。
011。33。1。55。91。30。65
8。15： Mr。 Tomlinson called。 He is on cell。 Please call him。
Note： Andrea spoke with Bruce。 He said that the large mirror in your
foyer has a piece of decorative plaster missing from the upper
left…hand corner。 He located an identical mirror at an antique shop
in Bordeaux。 Would you like him to order it？
8。30： Jonathan Cole called。 He is leaving for Melbourne on Saturday
and would like to clarify the assignment before he leaves。 Please
call him。
555。7700
Reminder： To call Karl Lagerfeld about the Model of the Year party。
He will be reachable at his Home in Biarritz this evening from
8。00–8。30P 。M。 his time。
011。33。1。55。22。06。78： Home
011。33。1。55。22。58。29： Home studio
011。33。1。55。22。92。64： driver
011。33。1。55。66。76。33： assistant’s number in Paris； in case you
cannot find him
9。00： Natalie from Glorious Foods called to see whether you’d prefer
that the Vacherin be filled with mixed berries praline or warm
rhubarb pote。 Please call her。
555。9887
9。00： Ingrid Sischy called to congratulate you on the April issue。
Says the cover is “spectacular； as always” and wants toknow who
styled the front…of…book beauty shoot。 Please call her。
555。6246： office
555。8833： Home
Note： Miho Kosudo called to apologize for being unable to deliver
Damien Hirst’s flower arrangement。 They said to be sure to tell you
that they waited outside his building for four hours； but since he
doesn’t have a doorman； they had to leave。 They will try again
tomorrow。
9。15： Mr。 Samuels called。 He will be unreachable until after lunch；
but wants to remind you of parent…teacher conferences tonight at
Horace Mann。 He would like to discuss Caroline’s history project
with you before hand。 Please call him after 2。00P 。M。 but before
4。00P 。M。
555。5932
9。15： Mr。 Tomlinson called again。 He asked Andrea to make
reservations for dinner tonight after parent…teacher conferences。
Please call him。 He is on cell。
Note： Andrea made reservations for you and Mr。 Tomlinson tonight at
8。00P 。M。 at La Caravelle。 Rita Jammet said she is looking forward
to seeing you again； and she’s delighted you chose her restaurant。
9。30： Donatella Versace called。 She said everything’s confirmed for
your visit。 Will you be needing any staff besides a driver； a chef；
a trainer； a hair and makeup person； a personal assistant； three
maids； and a yacht captain？ If so； please let her know before she
leaves for Milan。 She will also provide Cell Phones； but won’t be
able to join you as she’ll be preparing for the shows。
011。3901。55。27。55。61
9。45： Judith Mason called。 Please call her back。
555。6834
I crumpled the sheet and tossed it in the basket under my desk；
where it immediately soaked up the leftover grease from Miranda’s
third morning breakfast that I’d already thrown out。 So far； a
relatively normal day as far as the Bulletin was concerned。 I was
just about to click “inbox” on my Hotmail account to see if anyone
had e…mailed yet when she cruised into the office。 Damn that Sophy！
She’d forgotten the warning call again。
“I expect the Bulletin is updated；” she said icily without making
eye contact or otherwise acknowledging our presence。
“It is； Miranda；” I replied； holding it up to her so she needn’t so
much as reach for it。Three words and counting； I thought to myself；
predicting—and praying—it wouldn’t be more than a seventy…five…word
day on my part。 She removed her waist…length mink； so plush I had to
restrain myself from burying my face into it right there； and tossed
it onto my desk。 As I went to hang that magnificent dead animal in
the closet； trying to rub it discreetly against my cheek； I felt a
quick shock of cold and wet： there were tiny bits of still…frozen
sleet stuck to the fur。 How fabulously apropos。
Pulling the lid from a lukewarm latte； I carefully arranged today’s
greasy pile of bacon； sausage； and cheese…filled pastry on a filthy
plate。 I tiptoed into her office and carefully placed everything
unobtrusively on a corner of her desk。 She was concentrating on
writing a note on her ecru Dempsey and Carroll stationery and spoke
so softly I almost didn’t hear。
“Ahn…dre…ah； I need to discuss the engagement party with you。 Get a
notebook。”
I nodded； simultaneously realizing that nodding doesn’t count as a
word。 This engagement party had already bee the bane of my
existence and it was still more than a month away； but since Miranda
was leaving for the European shows soon and would be gone for two
weeks； planning this party had occupied the vast majority of both
our recent workdays。 I returned to her office with a pad and pen；
preparing myself to not understand a single word she’d say。 I
considered sitting for just a moment since it’d make taking
dictation much more fortable； but wisely resisted。
She sighed as though this were so taxing she wasn’t sure if she’d
make it and tugged on the white Hermès scarf that she’d woven into a
braceletlike thing around her wrist。 “Find Natalie at Glorious Foods
and tell her that I prefer the rhubarb pote。 Do not let her
convince you that she needs to speak with me directly； because she
does not。 Also talk to Miho and make sure they understand my orders
for the flowers。 Get Robert Isabell on the phone for me sometime
before lunch to go over tablecloths； place cards； and serving trays。
Also that girl from the Met to see when I can go over to make sure
everything is set up properly； and tell her to fax over the table
configurations so I may do seating charts。 That’s all for now。”
She had rattled off that list without a single pause in her note
writing； and when she finished speaking she handed me her newly
crafted note to mail。 I finished scribbling on my pad； hoping I’d
understood everything correctly； which； considering the accent and
the rapid…fire cadence； wasn’t always simple。
“OK；” I muttered and turned to go； bringing up my Total Miranda
Words to four。Maybe I won’t break fifty； I thought。 I could feel her
eyes examining the size of my butt as I walked back to my desk and
briefly considered whipping around to walk backward like a religious
Jew would do when leaving the Wailing Wall。 Instead； I tried to
glide toward the hidden safety of my desk while picturing thousands
and thousands ofHasidim in Prada black； walking backward circles
around Miranda Priestly。
12
The blissful day I’d been waiting for； dreaming of； had finally；
finally arrived。 Miranda had not only departed the office； but she’d
left the country as well。 She’d jumped into her Concorde seat less
than an hour before to meet with a few of the European designers；
making me at present the indisputably happiest girl on the planet。
Emily kept trying to convince me that Miranda was even more
demanding when she was abroad； but I wasn’t buying it。 I was in the
middle of mapping out exactly how I was going to spend every
ecstatic moment of the next two weeks when I got an e…mail from
Alex。
Hey babe； how are you？ Hope your day is at least ok。 You must be
loving that she left； right？ Enjoy it。 Anyway； just wanted to see if
you think you’ll be able to call me around three…thirty today。 I
have a free hour then before the reading program starts and I need
to talk to you。 Nothing major； but I would like to talk。 Love； A
To which I immediately worried and replied to ask if everything was
OK； but he must have logged off right away because he never wrote
back again。 I made a mental note to call him at exactly
three…thirty； loving the feeling of freedom that es from knowing
that She wouldn’t be around to screw it up。 But just in case； I
pulled a piece ofRunway stationery from the pile and wrote CALL A；
3：30 P。M。 TODAY and taped it to the side of my monitor。 Just as I
was going to call back a friend from school who’d left a message on
my Home machine a week earlier； the phone rang。
“Miranda Priestly’s office；” I all but sighed； figuring that there
wasn’t a single person on earth I wanted to speak with at that
moment。
“Emily？ Is that you？ Emily？” The unmistakable voice filled the phone
line and seemed to seep into the air in the office。 Even though she
couldn’t have possibly heard from across the suite； Emily looked up
at me。
“Hello； Miranda。 This is Andrea。 May I help you with something？” How
on earth was this woman calling？ I quickly checked the itinerary
that Emily had typed for everyone while Miranda was in Europe and
saw that her flight had taken off a mere six minutes before and she
was already calling from the seat phone。
“Well； I should hope so。 I’ve looked at my itinerary and I just
noticed that hair and makeup for Thursday before dinner is not
confirmed。”
“Um； well； Miranda； that’s because Monsieur Renaud wasn’t able to
get an absolute confirmation from the Thursday people； but he said
it was ninety…nine percent that they’d be able to and—”
“Ahn…dre…ah； answer me this： Is ninety…nine percent the same as a
hundred？ Is it the same asconfirmed ？” But before I could answer I
heard her tell someone； most likely a flight attendant； that she
wasn’t “particularly interested in the rules and regulations
regarding the use of electronics” and to