Yorker directly out of school； I was determined to be writing for
them before my fifth reunion。 It was all I’d ever wanted to do； the
only place I’d ever really wanted to work。 I’d picked up a copy for
the first time after I’d heard my parents discussing an article
they’d just read and my mom had said； “It was so well written—you
just don’t read things like that anymore；” and my father had agreed；
“No doubt； it’s the only smart thing being written today。” I’d loved
it。 Loved the snappy reviews and the witty cartoons and the feeling
of being admitted to a special； members…only club for readers。 I’d
read every issue for the past seven years and knew every section；
every editor； and every writer by heart。
Alex and I talked about how we were both embarking on a new stage in
our lives； how we were lucky to be doing it together。 We weren’t in
any rush to get back； though； somehow sensing that this would be the
last period of calm before the craziness； and we stupidly extended
our visas in Delhi so we could have a few extra weeks touring in the
exotic countryside of India。
Well； nothing ends the romance more swiftly than amoebic dysentery。
I lasted a week in a filthy Indian hostel； begging Alex not to leave
me for dead in that hellish place。 Four days later we landed in
Newark and my worried mother tucked me into the backseat of her car
and clucked the entire way home。 In a way it was a Jewish mother’s
dream； a real reason to visit doctor after doctor after doctor；
making absolutely sure that every miserable parasite had abandoned
her little girl。 It took four weeks for me to feel human again and
another two until I began to feel that living at Home was
unbearable。 Mom and Dad were great； but being asked where I was
going every time I left the house—or where I’d been every time I
returned—got old quickly。 I called Lily and asked if I could crash
on the couch of her tiny Harlem studio。 Out of the kindness of her
heart； she agreed。
I woke up in that tiny Harlem studio； sweat…soaked。 My forehead
pounded； my stomach churned； every nerve shimmied —shimmied in a
very unsexy way。 Ah！ It’s back； I thought； horrified。 The parasites
had found their way back into my body and I was bound to suffer
eternally！ Or what if it was worse？ Perhaps I’d contracted a rare
form of late…developing dengue fever？ Malaria？ Possibly even Ebola？
I lay in silence； trying to e to grips with my imminent death；
when snippets from the night before came back to me。 A smoky bar
somewhere in the East Village。 Something called jazz fusion music。 A
hot…pink drink in a martini glassoh； nausea； oh； make it stop。
Friends stopping by to wele me Home。 A toast； a gulp； another
toast。 Oh； thank god—it wasn't a rare strain of hemorrhagic fever；
it was just a hangover。 It never occurred to me that I couldn’t
exactly hold my liquor anymore after losing twenty pounds to
dysentery。 Five feet ten inches and 115 pounds did not bode well for
a hard night out （although； in retrospect； it boded very well for
employment at a fashion magazine）。
I bravely extracted myself from the crippling couch I’d been
crashing on for the past week and concentrated all my energy on not
getting sick。 Adjustment to America—the food； the manners； the
glorious showers—hadn’t been too grueling； but the houseguest thing
was quickly being stale。 I figured I had about a week and a half
left of exchanging leftover baht and rupees before I pletely ran
out of cash； and the only way to get money from my parents was to
return to the never…ending circuit of second opinions。 That sobering
thought was the single thing propelling me from bed； on what would
be a fateful November day； to where I was expected in one hour for
my very first job interview。 I’d spent the last week parked on
Lily’s couch； still weak and exhausted； until she finally yelled at
me to leave—if only for a few hours each day。 Not sure what else to
do with myself； I bought a MetroCard and rode the subways；
listlessly dropping off résumés as I went。 I left them with security
guards at all the big magazine publishers； with a halfhearted cover
letter explaining that I wanted to be an editorial assistant and
gain some magazine writing experience。 I was too weak and tired to
care if anyone actually read them； and the last thing I was
expecting was an interview。 But Lily’s phone had rung just the day
before and； amazingly； someone from human resources at Elias…Clark
wanted me to e in for a “chat。” I wasn’t sure if it would be
considered an official interview or not； but a “chat” sounded more
palatable either way。
I washed down Advil with Pepto and managed to assemble a jacket and
pants that did not match and in no way created a suit； but at least
they stayed put on my emaciated frame。 A blue button…down； a
not…too…perky ponytail； and a pair of slightly scuffed flats
pleted my look。 It wasn’t great—in fact； it bordered on supremely
ugly—but it would have to suffice。They’re not going to hire me or
reject me on the outfit alone； I remember thinking。 Clearly； I was
barely lucid。
I showed up on time for my elevenA 。M。 interview and didn’t panic
until I encountered the line of leggy； Twiggy types waiting to be
permitted to board the elevators。 Their lips never stopped moving；
and their gossip was punctuated only by the sound of their stilettos
clacking on the floor。Clackers； I thought。That’s perfect。 （The
elevators！）Breathe in； breathe out； I reminded myself。You will not
throw up。 You will not throw up。 You’re just here to talk about
being an editorial assistant； and then it’s straight back to the
couch。 You will not throw up。 “Why yes； I’d love to work at
Reaction！Well； sure； I supposeThe Buzzwould be suitable。 Oh； what？ I
may have my pick？ Well； I’ll need the night to decide between there
and Maison Vous。Delightful！”
Moments later I was sporting a rather unflattering “guest” sticker
on my rather unflattering pseudosuit （not soon enough； I discovered
that guests in the know simply stuck these passes on their bags； or；
even better； discarded them immediately—only the most uncouth losers
actuallywore them） and heading toward the elevators。 And then 。 。 。
I boarded。 Up； up； up and away； hurtling through space and time and
infinite sexiness en route to 。 。 。 human resources。
I allowed myself to relax for a moment or two during that swift；
quiet ride。 Deep； pouty perfumes mixed with the smell of fresh
leather to turn those elevators from the merely functional to the
almost erotic。 We whisked between floors； stopping to let out the
beauties atChic； Mantra； The Buzz； andCoquette 。 The doors opened
silently； reverently； to stark white reception areas。 Chic furniture
with clean； simple lines dared people to sit； ready to scream out in
agony if anyone—horror！—spilled。 The magazines’ names rested in bold
black and identifiable； individual typeface along the walls that
flanked the lobby。 Thick； opaque glass doors protected the titles。
They’re names the average American recognizes but never imagines to
be turning and churning and spinning under one very high city roof。
While I’d admittedly never held a job more impressive than frozen
yogurt scooper； I’d heard enough stories from my newly minted
professional friends to know that corporate life just didn’t look
like this。 Not even close。 Absent were the nauseating fluorescent
lights； the never…shows…dirt carpeting。 Where dowdy secretaries
should have been ensconced； polished young girls with prominent
cheekbones and power suits presided。 Office supplies didn’t exist！
Those basic necessities like organizers； garbage cans； and books
were simply not present。 I watched as six floors disappeared in
swirls of white perfection before I felt the venom and heard the
voice。
“She。 Is。 Such。 A。 Bitch！ Icannot deal with her anymore。 Who does
that？ I mean； really—WHO DOES THAT？” hissed a twenty…something girl
in a snakeskin skirt and a very mini tank top； looking more suited
for a late night at Bungalow 8 than a day at the office。
“I know。 Iknooooooow。 Like； what do you think I’ve had to put up
with for the past six months？ Total bitch。 And terrible taste； too；”
agreed her friend； with an emphatic shake of her adorable bob。
Mercifully； I arrived at my floor and the elevator slid
open。Interesting； I thought。 If you’re paring this potential work
environment to an average day in the life of a cliquey junior high
girl； it might even be better。 Stimulating？ Well； maybe not。 Kind；
sweet； nurturing？ No； not exactly。 The kind of place that just makes
you want to smile and do a great job？ No； OK？ No！ But if you’re
looking for fast； thin； sophisticated； impossibly hip； and
heart…wrenchingly stylish； Elias…Clark is mecca。
The gorgeous jewelry and impeccable makeup of the human resources
receptionist did nothing to allay my overwhelming feelings of
inadequacy。 She told me to sit and “feel free to look over some of
our titles。” Instead； I tried frantically to memorize the names of
all the editors in chief of the pany’s titles—as if they were
going to actually quiz me on them。 Ha！ I already knew Stephen
Alexander； of course； forReaction magazine； and it wasn’t too hard
to rememberThe Buzz ’s Tanner Michel。 Those were really the only
interesting things they published anyway； I figured。 I’d do fine。
A short； svelte woman introduced herself as Sharon。 “So； dear；
you’re looking to break into magazines； are you？” she asked as she
led me past a string of long…legged model look…alikes to her stark；
cold office。 “It’s a tough thing to do right out of college； you
know。 Lots and lots of petition out there for very few jobs。 And
the few jobs that are available； well！ They’re not exactly
high…paying； if you know what I mean。”
I looked down at my cheap； mismatched suit and very wrong shoes and
wondered why I’d even bothered。 Already deep in thought over how I
was going to crawl back to that sofa bed with enough Cheez…Its and
cigarettes to last a fortnight； I barely noticed when she almost
whispered； “But I have to say； there’s an amazing opportunity open
right now； and it’s going to go fast！”
Hmm。 My antennae perked up as I tried to force her to make eye
contact with me。 Opportunity？ Go fast？ My mind was racing。 She
wanted to help me？ She liked me？ Why； I hadn’t even opened my mouth
yet—how could shelike me？ And why exactly w