“I left this information on the recording for you; Ahn…dre…ah。 I
suppose it would have been too much trouble to write it down?” And
even though the yearning to make decorative paper…cut designs all
over her face with the aforementioned Business card filled my entire
being; I simply nodded and agreed。 It wasn’t until I looked down at
the card that I noticed the address: 244 East 68th Street。
Naturally。 East or west or Second Avenue or Amsterdam wouldn’t have
made a damn bit of difference; because the store I’d just dedicated
the past thirty…three working hours to locating wasn’t even in the
seventies。
I thought of this as I wrote down the last of Miranda’s late…night
requests before racing downstairs to meet Uri at our designated
area。 Every morning he described where he parked in great detail so
I could theoretically meet him at the car。 But every morning; no
matter how fast I made it downstairs; he’d bring everything inside
himself so I wouldn’t have to race up and down the streets searching
for him。 I was delighted to see that today was no exception: he was
leaning against a lobby turnstile; holding bags and clothes and
books in his arms like a benevolent; generous grandfather。
“Don’t you run to me; you hear?” he said in his thick Russian
accent。 “All day long; you run; run; run。 She makes you work very;
very hard。 This is why I bring the tings to you;” he said; helping
me get a grip on the overflowing bags and boxes。 “You be a good
girl; you hear; and have a nice day。”
I shot him a grateful look; glared at Eduardo semijokingly—my way of
saying; “I will fucking kill you if you eventhink of asking me to
strike a pose right now”—and softened a bit when he buzzed me
through the turnstiles; ment…free。 I miraculously remembered to
stop by the lobby newsstand; where Ahmed piled all of Miranda’s
requested morning papers into my arms。 Although the mailroom
delivered each to Miranda’s desk by nine each day; I was still to
purchase a full second set every morning to help minimize the risk
that she would spend a single second in her office without her
papers。 Same with the weekly magazines。 No one seemed to mind that
we charged nine newspapers a day and seven magazines a week for
someone who read only the gossip and fashion pages。
I dumped all her stuff on the floor under my desk。 It was time for
the first round of ordering。 I dialed the number I’d memorized long
ago for Mangia; a gourmet takeout place in midtown; and; as usual;
Jorge answered。
“Hi; pumpkin; it’s me;” I’d say; propping the phone against my
shoulder so I could start logging into Hotmail。 “Let’s get this day
started。” Jorge and I were friends。 Talking three; four; five times
a morning had a funny way of bonding two people rather quickly。
“Hey; baby; I’ll send one of the boys over right away。 Is she there
yet?” he asked; understanding that “she” was my lunatic boss and
that she worked forRunway; but not quite understanding who exactly
would be consuming the breakfast I had just ordered。 Jorge was one
of my morning men; as I liked to call them。 Eduardo; Uri; Jorge; and
Ahmed gave a decent as possible start to my day。 They were
deliciously unaffiliated withRunway; even though their separate
existences in my life were solely meant to make its editor’s life
more perfect。 Not a single one of them truly understood Miranda’s
power and prestige。
Breakfast number one would be on its way to 640 Madison in seconds;
and the chances were good I’d have to throw it out。 Miranda ate four
slices of greasy; fatty bacon; two sausage links; and a soft cheese
Danish every morning; and washed it down with a tall latte from
Starbucks (two raw sugars; remember!)。 As far as I could tell; the
office was divided on whether she was permanently on the Atkins diet
or just lucky enough to have a superhuman metabolism; the result of
some pretty fantastic genes。 Either way; she thought nothing of
devouring the fattiest; most sickeningly unhealthy foods—even though
the rest of us weren’t exactly afforded the same luxury。 Since
nothing stayed hot for more than ten minutes after it arrived; I’d
keep reordering and tossing until she showed up。 I could get away
with microwaving each meal one time; but that bought me only an
extra five minutes; and she could usually tell。 (“Ahn…dre…ah; this
is vile。 Get me a fresh breakfast at once。”) I would order and
reorder every twenty minutes or so until she called from her Cell
Phone and told me to order her breakfast (“Ahn…dre…ah; I’ll be at
the office shortly。 Order my breakfast”)。 Of course; this was
usually only a two… or three…minute warning; so the preordering was
necessary both because of the short warning and in the rather mon
event that she didn’t bother to call at all。 If I’d done my job; by
the time her actual call for breakfast had e; I’d already have
two or three on the way。
The phone rang。 It had to be her; too early to be anyone else。
“Miranda Priestly’s office;” I chirped; bracing myself for the
iciness。
“Emily; I’ll be there in ten minutes and I’d like my breakfast to be
ready。”
She had taken to calling both Emily and me “Emily;” suggesting;
quite rightly; that we were indistinguishable from each other and
pletely interchangeable。 Somewhere in the back of my mind I was
offended; but I’d grown accustomed to it at this point。 And besides;
I was too tired to really care about something as incidental as my
name。
“Yes; Miranda; right away。” But she had already hung up。 The real
Emily walked into the office。
“Hey; is she here?” she whispered; looking furtively toward
Miranda’s office as she always did; without a hello or a good
morning; just like her mentor。
“Nope; but she just called and she’ll be here in ten。 I’ll be back。”
I quickly transferred my cell phone and cigarettes to my coat pocket
and ran。 I had only a few minutes to get downstairs; cross Madison;
and jump the line at Starbucks—and suck down my first precious
cigarette of the day while in transit。 Stamping out the last embers;
I stumbled into the Starbucks at 57th and Lex and surveyed the line。
If it was fewer than eight or so people; I preferred to wait like a
normal person。 Like most days; however; the line today was twenty or
more poor professional souls; wearily waiting in line for their
expensive caffeine fix; and I had to jump in front of them。 It was
not something I relished; but Miranda didn’t seem to understand that
the latte I presented to her each morning could not onlynot be
delivered but could easily take a half hour at prime time to
purchase。 A couple weeks of shrill; angry phone calls on my Cell
Phone (“Ahn…dre…ah; I simply do not understand。 I called you a full
twenty…five minutes ago to tell you I’d be in; and my breakfast is
not ready。 This is unacceptable。”); and I had spoken to the
franchise manager。
“Um; hi。 Thanks for taking a minute to talk with me;” I said to the
petite black woman who was in charge。 “I know this sounds absolutely
crazy; but I was wondering if we could work something out in terms
of me having to wait in line。” I went on to explain; as best I
could; that I work for a rather important; unreasonable person who
doesn’t like to wait for her morning Coffee; and was there any way I
could walk ahead of the line; subtly; of course; and have someone
prepare my order immediately? By some stroke of dumb luck; Marion;
the manager; was going to FIT at night for a degree in fashion
merchandising。
“Ohmigod; are you kidding? You work for Miranda Priestly? And she
drinks our lattes? A tall? Every morning? Unbelievable。 Oh; yes;
yes; of course! I’ll tell everyone to help you right away。 Don’t
worry about a thing。 She is; like; the most powerful person in
fashion;” Marion gushed as I forced myself to nod enthusiastically。
And so it came that I could; at will; bypass a long line of tired;
aggressive; self…righteous New Yorkers and order before those who
had been waiting for many; many minutes。 It didn’t make me feel good
or important or even cool; and I always dreaded the days I had to do
it。 When the lines were hellishly long like the one today—snaking
around the entire counter and pushing its way outside—I felt even
worse and knew I’d be walking out with a full load。 My head was
pounding at this point; and my eyes already felt heavy and dry。 I
tried to forget that this was my life; the reason I’d spent four
long years memorizing poems and examining prose; the result of good
grades and lots of kissing up。 Instead; I ordered Miranda’s tall
latte from one of the new baristas and added a few drinks of my own。
A grande Amaretto Cappuccino; a Mocha Frappuccino; and a Caramel
Macchiato landed in my four…cup carrier; along with a half…dozen
muffins and croissants。 The grand total came to 28。83; and I made
sure to tuck my receipt into the already bulging; specially
designated receipt section of my wallet; all of which would be
reimbursed by the always reliable Elias…Clark。
I had to hurry now; as it was already twelve minutes since Miranda
had called and I knew she’d probably be sitting there; seething;
wondering exactly where I disappeared to every morning—the Starbucks
logo on the side of the cup didn’t ever clue her in。 But before I
could pick up all the stuff from the counter; my phone rang。 And as
usual; my heart lurched。 I knew it was her; absolutely; positively
knew it; but it scared me nonetheless。 The caller ID confirmed my
suspicion; and I was surprised to hear that it was Emily; calling
from Miranda’s line。
“She’s here and she’s pissed;” Emily whispered。 “You’ve got to get
back here。”
“I’m doing everything I can;” I growled; trying to balance the
carrying tray and the bag of baked goods on one arm and hold the
phone with the other。
And thus the basic root of the hatred that existed between Emily and
me。 Since she was in the “senior” assistant position; I was more of
Miranda’s personal assistant; there to fetch those Coffees and
meals; help her kids with their Homework; and run all over the city
to retrieve the perfect dishes for her dinner parties。 Emily did her
expenses; made her travel arrangements; and—the biggest job of
all—put through her personal clothing order every few months。 So
when I was out gathering the goodies each morning; Emily was left
alone to handle all of the ringi
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