may have been only two hours away geographically but was really in a
different solar system。 They all nodded and smiled and asked
questions； pretending to be interested； but I knew it was all too
foreign； too absolutely strange sounding and different to make any
sense to people who—like me until a few weeks earlier—had never even
heard the name Miranda Priestly。 It didn’t make much sense to me
yet； either： it seemed overly dramatic at times and more than a
little Big Brother–esque； but it was exciting。 And cool。 It was
definitely； undeniably a supercool place to call work。 Right？
“Well； Andy； you think you’ll be happy there for your year？ Maybe
you’ll even want to stay longer； huh？” My mom asked while smearing
cream cheese on her salt bagel。
In signing my contract at Elias…Clark； I’d agreed to stay with
Miranda for a year—if I didn’t get fired； which at this point seemed
like a big if。 And if I fulfilled my obligation with class and
enthusiasm and some level of petence—and this part was not in
writing but implied by a half…dozen people in HR； and Emily； and
Allison—then I would be in a position to name the job I’d like next。
It was expected； of course； that whichever job that may be would be
atRunway or； at the very least； at Elias…Clark； but I was free to
request anything from working on book reviews in the features
department to acting as a liaison between Hollywood celebrities
andRunway 。 Out of the last ten assistants who had made it through
their year in Miranda’s office； a full hundred percent had chosen to
move to the fashion department atRunway ； but I didn’t let that
concern me。 A stint in Miranda’s office was considered to be the
ultimate way to skip three to five years of indignity as an
assistant and move directly into meaningful jobs in prestigious
places。
“Definitely。 So far everyone seems really nice。 Emily’s a little；
um； well；mitted； but otherwise； it’s been great。 I don’t know； to
listen to Lily talk about her exams or Alex talk about all the
shitty things he has to deal with at work； I think I got pretty
lucky。 Who else gets to drive around in a chauffeured car on their
first day？ I mean； really。 So yeah； I think it’ll be a great year；
and I’m excited for Miranda to e back。 I think I’m ready。”
Jill rolled her eyes and shot me a look as if to say；Cut the
bullshit； Andy。 We all know you’re probably working for a psycho
bitch surrounded by anorexic fashionistas and are trying to paint
this really rosy picture because you’re worried you’re in over your
head； but instead she said； “It sounds great； Andy； it really does。
Amazing opportunity。”
She was the only one at the table who could possibly understand；
since； before moving to the Third World； she’d worked for a year at
a small private museum in Paris and had developed an interest in
haute couture。 Hers was more of an artistic and aesthetic hobby than
a consumer one； but she still had some exposure； at least； to the
fashion world。 “We have some great news； too；” she continued；
reaching across the table for Kyle’s hand。 He had set down his
Coffee and extended both his hands。
“Oh； thank god；” my mother instantly exclaimed； slumping over as if
someone had finally lifted the two…hundred…pound dumbbell that had
rested on her shoulders for the last two decades。 “It’s about time。”
“Congratulations； you two！ I have to say you’ve had your mother
really worried。 You’re certainly not newlyweds anymore； you know。 We
were beginning to wonder 。 。 。” From the head of the table my dad
raised his eyebrows。
“Hey guys； that’s great。 It’s about time I get to be an aunt。 When’s
the little one due？”
They both looked dumbfounded； and for a moment I worried that we’d
gotten it all wrong； that their “good” news was that they were
building a newer； bigger Home in that swamp they lived in； or that
Kyle had finally decided to leave his father’s law firm and was
going to join my sister in opening the gallery she’d always dreamed
of。 Maybe we’d jumped the gun on this one； been just a little too
eager to hear that a future niece or grandson was on the way。 It was
all my parents could talk about lately； incessantly hashing and
rehashing the reasons why my sister and Kyle—already in their
thirties and with four years of marriage behind them—had yet to
reproduce。 In the past six months； the subject had progressed from
time…consuming family obsession to perceived crisis。
My sister looked worried。 Kyle frowned。 My parents looked as though
they might both pass out from the silence。 The tension was palpable。
Jill got out of her chair and walked over to Kyle； where she plopped
herself in his lap。 She wrapped her arm behind the back of his neck
and leaned her face next to his； whispering in his ear。 I glanced at
my mother； who looked about ten seconds away from unconsciousness；
the worry causing the small lines near her eyes to grow as deep as
trenches。
Finally； finally； they giggled； and turned toward the table； and
announced unanimously； “We’re going to have a baby。” And then there
was light。 And shrieking。 And hugging。 My mother flew out of her
seat so fast that she knocked it over and； in turn； tipped over a
potted cactus that rested by the sliding…glass door。 My dad grabbed
Jill and kissed her on both cheeks and the top of her head； and for
the first time I could remember since their wedding day； he kissed
Kyle； too。
I rapped my Dr。 Brown’s black cherry can with a plastic fork and
announced that we needed a toast。 “Please raise your glasses；
everyone； raise your glasses to the brand…new Sachs baby that will
be joining our family。” Kyle and Jill looked at me pointedly。 “OK； I
guess technically it’s a Harrison baby； but it will be a Sachs at
heart。 To Kyle and Jill； future perfect parents to the world’s most
perfect child。” We all clinked soda cans and coffee mugs and toasted
the grinning couple and my sister’s twenty…four…inch waist。 I
cleaned up by throwing the entire contents of the table directly
into a garbage bag while my mom tried to pressure Jill to name the
baby after various dead relatives。 Kyle sipped Coffee and looked
pleased with himself； and just before midnight my dad and I sneaked
off to his study for a game。
He turned up the white…noise machine he used when he had patients
during the day； both to block out the sounds of the household from
them and to keep anyone else in the house from hearing what was
discussed in his office。 Like any good shrink； my dad had placed a
gray leather couch in the far corner； so soft I liked to rest my
head on the armrest； and three chairs that angled forward and held a
person in a kind of fabric sling。 Womblike； he assured me。 His desk
was sleek and black and topped with a flat…screen monitor； and the
matching black leather chair was high…backed and very plush。 A wall
of psychology books encased in glass； a collection of bamboo stalks
in a very tall crystal vase on the floor； and some framed colorblock
prints—the only real color in the room—pleted the futuristic
look。 I flopped on the floor between the couch and his desk； and he
did the same。
“So； tell me what’s really going on； Andy；” he said as he handed me
a little wooden tile holder。 “I’m sure you’re feeling really
overwhelmed right now。”
I picked my seven tiles and carefully arranged them in front of me。
“Yeah； it’s been a pretty crazy couple weeks。 First moving； then
starting。 It’s a weird place； hard to explain。 It’s like； everyone’s
beautiful and thin and wearing gorgeous clothes。 And they really do
seem nice enough—everybody’s been really friendly。 Almost like
they’re all on serious prescription drugs。 I don’t know 。 。 。”
“What？ What were you going to say？”
“I can’t put my finger on it。 There’s just this feeling that it’s
all a house of cards that’s going to e crashing down around me。 I
can’t shake the feeling that it’s ridiculous to be working for
afashion magazine； you know？ The work’s been a little mindless so
far； but I don’t even care。 It’s challenging enough because it’s all
new； you know？”
He nodded。
“I know it’s a ‘cool’ job； but I keep wondering how it’s preparing
me forThe New Yorker 。 I must just be looking for something to go
wrong； because so far it seems too good to be true。 Hopefully； I’m
just crazy。”
“I don’t think you’re crazy； sweetie。 I think you’re sensitive。 But
I have to agree； I think you lucked out with this one。 People go
their entire lives and don’t see the things you’ll see this year。
Just think！ Your first job out of college； and you’re working for
the most important woman at the most profitable magazine at the
biggest magazine publishing pany in the entire world。 You’ll get
to watch it all happen； from the top down。 If you just keep your
eyes open and your priorities in order； you’ll learn more in one
year than most people in the industry will see in their entire
careers。” He placed his first word in the middle of the board； JOLT。
“Not bad for an opening move；” I said and counted its worth； doubled
it because the first word always went on a pink star； and started a
scorecard。 Dad： 22 points； Andy： 0。 My letters weren’t showing much
promise。 I added an A； M； and E to the L and accepted my paltry six
points。
“I just want to make sure you give it a fair shake；” he said；
switching his tiles around on his holder。 “The more I think about
it； the more I’m convinced this is going to mean big things for
you。”
“Well； I sure hope you’re right； because I have enough paper cuts
from wrapping to last a long； long time。 There better be more to the
whole thing than that。”
“There will be； sweetie； there will be。 You’ll see。 It might feel
like you’re doing silly stuff； but trust me； you’re not。 This is the
start of something fantastic； I can feel it。 And I’ve studied up on
your boss。 This Miranda sounds like a tough woman； no doubt about
it； but I think you’re going to like her。 And I think she’s going to
like you； too。”
He placed the word TOWEL down using my E and looked satisfied。
“I hope you’re right； Dad。 I really hope you’re right。”
“She’s the editor in chief ofRunway —you know； the fashion
magazine？” I whispered urgently into the phone； trying valiantly not
to get frustrated。
“Oh； I know which one you mean！” said Julia； a publicity