rm¡¡from¡¡the¡¡folds¡¡of¡¡the¡¡garment¡¡to¡¡look¡¡at¡¡my¡¡watch¡£¡¡The¡¡simple¡¡act¡¡of¡¡checking¡¡the¡¡time¡¡is¡¡transformed¡¡by¡¡this¡¡flourish¡£¡¡Decorative¡¡gestures¡¡add¡¡romance¡¡to¡¡a¡¡life¡£¡¡Idling¡¡students¡¡may¡¡see¡¡time¡¡itself¡¡as¡¡a¡¡plex¡¡embellishment£»¡¡a¡¡romance¡¡of¡¡human¡¡consciousness£»¡¡as¡¡they¡¡witness¡¡the¡¡chairman¡¡walking¡¡across¡¡campus£»¡¡crook'd¡¡arm¡¡emerging¡¡from¡¡his¡¡medieval¡¡robe£»¡¡the¡¡digital¡¡watch¡¡blinking¡¡in¡¡late¡¡summer¡¡dusk¡£¡¡The¡¡robe¡¡is¡¡black£»¡¡of¡¡course£»¡¡and¡¡goes¡¡with¡¡almost¡¡anything¡£
¡¡¡¡There¡¡is¡¡no¡¡Hitler¡¡building¡¡as¡¡such¡£¡¡We¡¡are¡¡quartered¡¡in¡¡Centenary¡¡Hall£»¡¡a¡¡dark¡¡brick¡¡structure¡¡we¡¡share¡¡with¡¡the¡¡popular¡¡culture¡¡department£»¡¡known¡¡officially¡¡as¡¡American¡¡environments¡£¡¡A¡¡curious¡¡group¡£¡¡The¡¡teaching¡¡staff¡¡is¡¡posed¡¡almost¡¡solely¡¡of¡¡New¡¡York¡¡¨¦migr¨¦s£»¡¡smart£»¡¡thuggish£»¡¡movie¡mad£»¡¡trivia¡crazed¡£¡¡They¡¡are¡¡here¡¡to¡¡decipher¡¡the¡¡natural¡¡language¡¡of¡¡the¡¡culture£»¡¡to¡¡make¡¡a¡¡formal¡¡method¡¡of¡¡the¡¡shiny¡¡pleasures¡¡they'd¡¡known¡¡in¡¡their¡¡Europe¡shadowed¡¡childhoods¡ªan¡¡Aristotelianism¡¡of¡¡bubble¡¡gum¡¡wrappers¡¡and¡¡detergent¡¡jingles¡£¡¡The¡¡department¡¡head¡¡is¡¡Alfonse¡¡£¨Fast¡¡Food£©¡¡Stompanato£»¡¡a¡¡broad¡chested¡¡glowering¡¡man¡¡whose¡¡collection¡¡of¡¡prewar¡¡soda¡¡pop¡¡bottles¡¡is¡¡on¡¡permanent¡¡display¡¡in¡¡an¡¡alcove¡£¡¡All¡¡his¡¡teachers¡¡are¡¡male£»¡¡wear¡¡rumpled¡¡clothes£»¡¡need¡¡haircuts£»¡¡cough¡¡into¡¡their¡¡armpits¡£¡¡Together¡¡they¡¡look¡¡like¡¡teamster¡¡officials¡¡assembled¡¡to¡¡identify¡¡the¡¡body¡¡of¡¡a¡¡mutilated¡¡colleague¡£¡¡The¡¡impression¡¡is¡¡one¡¡of¡¡pervasive¡¡bitterness£»¡¡suspicion¡¡and¡¡intrigue¡£
¡¡¡¡An¡¡exception¡¡to¡¡some¡¡of¡¡the¡¡above¡¡is¡¡Murray¡¡Jay¡¡Siskind£»¡¡an¡¡ex¡sportswriter¡¡who¡¡asked¡¡me¡¡to¡¡have¡¡lunch¡¡with¡¡him¡¡in¡¡the¡¡dining¡¡room£»¡¡where¡¡the¡¡institutional¡¡odor¡¡of¡¡vaguely¡¡defined¡¡food¡¡aroused¡¡in¡¡me¡¡an¡¡obscure¡¡and¡¡gloomy¡¡memory¡£¡¡Murray¡¡was¡¡new¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Hill£»¡¡a¡¡stoop¡shouldered¡¡man¡¡with¡¡little¡¡round¡¡glasses¡¡and¡¡an¡¡Amish¡¡beard¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡a¡¡visiting¡¡lecturer¡¡on¡¡living¡¡icons¡¡and¡¡seemed¡¡embarrassed¡¡by¡¡what¡¡he'd¡¡gleaned¡¡so¡¡far¡¡from¡¡his¡¡colleagues¡¡in¡¡popular¡¡culture¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡understand¡¡the¡¡music£»¡¡I¡¡understand¡¡the¡¡movies£»¡¡I¡¡even¡¡see¡¡how¡¡ic¡¡books¡¡can¡¡tell¡¡us¡¡things¡£¡¡But¡¡there¡¡are¡¡full¡¡professors¡¡in¡¡this¡¡place¡¡who¡¡read¡¡nothing¡¡but¡¡cereal¡¡boxes¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¨It's¡¡the¡¡only¡¡avant¡garde¡¡we've¡¡got¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¨Not¡¡that¡¡I'm¡¡plaining¡£¡¡I¡¡like¡¡it¡¡here¡£¡¡I'm¡¡totally¡¡enamored¡¡of¡¡this¡¡place¡£¡¡A¡¡small¡town¡¡setting¡£¡¡I¡¡want¡¡to¡¡be¡¡free¡¡of¡¡cities¡¡and¡¡sexual¡¡entanglements¡£¡¡Heat¡£¡¡This¡¡is¡¡what¡¡cities¡¡mean¡¡to¡¡me¡£¡¡You¡¡get¡¡off¡¡the¡¡train¡¡and¡¡walk¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡station¡¡and¡¡you¡¡are¡¡hit¡¡with¡¡the¡¡full¡¡blast¡£¡¡The¡¡heat¡¡of¡¡air£»¡¡traffic¡¡and¡¡people¡£¡¡The¡¡heat¡¡of¡¡food¡¡and¡¡sex¡£¡¡The¡¡heat¡¡of¡¡tall¡¡buildings¡£¡¡The¡¡heat¡¡that¡¡floats¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡subways¡¡and¡¡the¡¡tunnels¡£¡¡It's¡¡always¡¡fifteen¡¡degrees¡¡hotter¡¡in¡¡the¡¡cities¡£¡¡Heat¡¡rises¡¡from¡¡the¡¡sidewalks¡¡and¡¡falls¡¡from¡¡the¡¡poisoned¡¡sky¡£¡¡The¡¡buses¡¡breathe¡¡heat¡£¡¡Heat¡¡emanates¡¡from¡¡crowds¡¡of¡¡shoppers¡¡and¡¡office¡¡workers¡£¡¡The¡¡entire¡¡infrastructure¡¡is¡¡based¡¡on¡¡heat£»¡¡desperately¡¡uses¡¡up¡¡heat£»¡¡breeds¡¡more¡¡heat¡£¡¡The¡¡eventual¡¡heat¡¡death¡¡of¡¡the¡¡universe¡¡that¡¡scientists¡¡love¡¡to¡¡talk¡¡about¡¡is¡¡already¡¡well¡¡underway¡¡and¡¡you¡¡can¡¡feel¡¡it¡¡happening¡¡all¡¡around¡¡you¡¡in¡¡any¡¡large¡¡or¡¡medium¡sized¡¡city¡£¡¡Heat¡¡and¡¡wetness¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¨Where¡¡are¡¡you¡¡living£»¡¡Murray£¿¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¨In¡¡a¡¡rooming¡¡house¡£¡¡I'm¡¡totally¡¡captivated¡¡and¡¡intrigued¡£¡¡It's¡¡a¡¡gorgeous¡¡old¡¡crumbling¡¡house¡¡near¡¡the¡¡insane¡¡asylum¡£¡¡Seven¡¡or¡¡eight¡¡boarders£»¡¡more¡¡or¡¡less¡¡permanent¡¡except¡¡for¡¡me¡£¡¡A¡¡woman¡¡who¡¡harbors¡¡a¡¡terrible¡¡secret¡£¡¡A¡¡man¡¡with¡¡a¡¡haunted¡¡look¡£¡¡A¡¡man¡¡who¡¡never¡¡es¡¡out¡¡of¡¡his¡¡room¡£¡¡A¡¡woman¡¡who¡¡stands¡¡by¡¡the¡¡letter¡¡box¡¡for¡¡hours£»¡¡waiting¡¡for¡¡something¡¡that¡¡never¡¡seems¡¡to¡¡arrive¡£¡¡A¡¡man¡¡with¡¡no¡¡past¡£¡¡A¡¡woman¡¡with¡¡a¡¡past¡£¡¡There¡¡is¡¡a¡¡smell¡¡about¡¡the¡¡place¡¡of¡¡unhappy¡¡lives¡¡in¡¡the¡¡movies¡¡that¡¡I¡¡really¡¡respond¡¡to¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¨Which¡¡one¡¡are¡¡you£¿¡¨¡¡I¡¡said¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨I'm¡¡the¡¡Jew¡£¡¡What¡¡else¡¡would¡¡I¡¡be£¿¡¨
¡¡¡¡There¡¡was¡¡something¡¡touching¡¡about¡¡the¡¡fact¡¡that¡¡Murray¡¡was¡¡dressed¡¡almost¡¡totally¡¡in¡¡corduroy¡£¡¡I¡¡had¡¡the¡¡feeling¡¡that¡¡since¡¡the¡¡age¡¡of¡¡eleven¡¡in¡¡his¡¡crowded¡¡plot¡¡of¡¡concrete¡¡he'd¡¡associated¡¡this¡¡sturdy¡¡fabric¡¡with¡¡higher¡¡learning¡¡in¡¡some¡¡impossibly¡¡distant¡¡and¡¡tree¡shaded¡¡place¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡can't¡¡help¡¡being¡¡happy¡¡in¡¡a¡¡town¡¡called¡¡Blacksmith£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said¡£¡¡¡¨I'm¡¡here¡¡to¡¡avoid¡¡situations¡£¡¡Cities¡¡are¡¡full¡¡of¡¡situations£»¡¡sexually¡¡cunning¡¡people¡£¡¡There¡¡are¡¡parts¡¡of¡¡my¡¡body¡¡I¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡encourage¡¡women¡¡to¡¡handle¡¡freely¡£¡¡I¡¡was¡¡in¡¡a¡¡situation¡¡with¡¡a¡¡woman¡¡in¡¡Detroit¡£¡¡She¡¡needed¡¡my¡¡semen¡¡in¡¡a¡¡divorce¡¡suit¡£¡¡The¡¡irony¡¡is¡¡that¡¡I¡¡love¡¡women¡£¡¡I¡¡fall¡¡apart¡¡at¡¡the¡¡sight¡¡of¡¡long¡¡legs£»¡¡striding£»¡¡briskly£»¡¡as¡¡a¡¡breeze¡¡carries¡¡up¡¡from¡¡the¡¡river£»¡¡on¡¡a¡¡weekday£»¡¡in¡¡the¡¡play¡¡of¡¡morning¡¡light¡£¡¡The¡¡second¡¡irony¡¡is¡¡that¡¡it's¡¡not¡¡the¡¡bodies¡¡of¡¡women¡¡that¡¡I¡¡ultimately¡¡crave¡¡but¡¡their¡¡minds¡£¡¡The¡¡mind¡¡of¡¡a¡¡woman¡£¡¡The¡¡delicate¡¡chambering¡¡and¡¡massive¡¡unidirectional¡¡flow£»¡¡like¡¡a¡¡physics¡¡experiment¡£¡¡What¡¡fun¡¡it¡¡is¡¡to¡¡talk¡¡to¡¡an¡¡intelligent¡¡woman¡¡wearing¡¡stockings¡¡as¡¡she¡¡crosses¡¡her¡¡legs¡£¡¡That¡¡little¡¡staticky¡¡sound¡¡of¡¡rustling¡¡nylon¡¡can¡¡make¡¡me¡¡happy¡¡on¡¡several¡¡levels¡£¡¡The¡¡third¡¡and¡¡related¡¡irony¡¡is¡¡that¡¡it's¡¡the¡¡most¡¡plex¡¡and¡¡neurotic¡¡and¡¡difficult¡¡women¡¡that¡¡I¡¡am¡¡invariably¡¡drawn¡¡to¡£¡¡I¡¡like¡¡simple¡¡men¡¡and¡¡plicated¡¡women¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡Murray's¡¡hair¡¡was¡¡tight¡¡and¡¡heavy¡looking¡£¡¡He¡¡had¡¡dense¡¡brows£»¡¡wisps¡¡of¡¡hair¡¡curling¡¡up¡¡the¡¡sides¡¡of¡¡his¡¡neck¡£¡¡The¡¡small¡¡stiff¡¡beard£»¡¡confined¡¡to¡¡his¡¡chin¡¡and¡¡unacpanied¡¡by¡¡a¡¡mustache£»¡¡seemed¡¡an¡¡optional¡¡ponent£»¡¡to¡¡be¡¡stuck¡¡on¡¡or¡¡removed¡¡as¡¡circumstances¡¡warranted¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨What¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡lectures¡¡do¡¡you¡¡plan¡¡giving£¿¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¨That's¡¡exactly¡¡what¡¡I¡¡want¡¡to¡¡talk¡¡to¡¡you¡¡about£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said¡£¡¡¡¨You've¡¡established¡¡a¡¡wonderful¡¡thing¡¡here¡¡with¡¡Hitler¡£¡¡You¡¡created¡¡it£»¡¡you¡¡nurtured¡¡it£»¡¡you¡¡made¡¡it¡¡your¡¡own¡£¡¡Nobody¡¡on¡¡the¡¡faculty¡¡of¡¡any¡¡college¡¡or¡¡university¡¡in¡¡this¡¡part¡¡of¡¡the¡¡country¡¡can¡¡so¡¡much¡¡as¡¡utter¡¡the¡¡word¡¡Hitler¡¡without¡¡a¡¡nod¡¡in¡¡your¡¡direction£»¡¡literally¡¡or¡¡metaphorically¡£¡¡This¡¡is¡¡the¡¡center£»¡¡the¡¡unquestioned¡¡source¡£¡¡He¡¡is¡¡now¡¡your¡¡Hitler£»¡¡Gladney's¡¡Hitler¡£¡¡It¡¡must¡¡be¡¡deeply¡¡satisfying¡¡for¡¡you¡£¡¡The¡¡college¡¡is¡¡internationally¡¡known¡¡as¡¡a¡¡result¡¡of¡¡Hitler¡¡studies¡£¡¡It¡¡has¡¡an¡¡identity£»¡¡a¡¡sense¡¡of¡¡achievement¡£¡¡You've¡¡evolved¡¡an¡¡entire¡¡system¡¡around¡¡this¡¡figure£»¡¡a¡¡structure¡¡with¡¡countless¡¡substructures¡¡and¡¡interrelated¡¡fields¡¡of¡¡study£»¡¡a¡¡history¡¡within¡¡history¡£¡¡I¡¡marvel¡¡at¡¡the¡¡effort¡£¡¡It¡¡was¡¡masterful£»¡¡shrewd¡¡and¡¡stunningly¡¡preemptive¡£¡¡It's¡¡what¡¡I¡¡want¡¡to¡¡do¡¡with¡¡Elvis¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡Several¡¡days¡¡later¡¡Murray¡¡asked¡¡me¡¡about¡¡a¡¡tourist¡¡attraction¡¡known¡¡as¡¡the¡¡most¡¡photographed¡¡barn¡¡in¡¡America¡£¡¡We¡¡drove¡¡twenty¡two¡¡miles¡¡into¡¡the¡¡country¡¡around¡¡Farmington¡£¡¡There¡¡were¡¡meadows¡¡and¡¡apple¡¡orchards¡£¡¡White¡¡fences¡¡trailed¡¡through¡¡the¡¡rolling¡¡fields¡£¡¡Soon¡¡the¡¡signs¡¡started¡¡appearing¡£¡¡THE¡¡MOST¡¡PHOTOGRAPHED¡¡BARN¡¡IN¡¡AMERICA¡£¡¡We¡¡counted¡¡five¡¡signs¡¡before¡¡we¡¡reached¡¡the¡¡site¡£¡¡There¡¡were¡¡forty¡¡cars¡¡and¡¡a¡¡tour¡¡bus¡¡in¡¡the¡¡makeshift¡¡lot¡£¡¡We¡¡walked¡¡along¡¡a¡¡cowpath¡¡to¡¡the¡¡slightly¡¡elevated¡¡spot¡¡set¡¡aside¡¡for¡¡viewing¡¡and¡¡photographing¡£¡¡All¡¡the¡¡people¡¡had¡¡cameras£»¡¡some¡¡had¡¡tripods£»¡¡telephoto¡¡lenses£»¡¡filter¡¡kits¡£¡¡A¡¡man¡¡in¡¡a¡¡booth¡¡sold¡¡postcards¡¡and¡¡slides¡ªpictures¡¡of¡¡the¡¡barn¡¡taken¡¡from¡¡the¡¡elevated¡¡spot¡£¡¡We¡¡stood¡¡near¡¡a¡¡grove¡¡of¡¡trees¡¡and¡¡watched¡¡the¡¡photographers¡£¡¡Murray¡¡maintained¡¡a¡¡prolonged¡¡silence£»¡¡occasionally¡¡scrawling¡¡some¡¡notes¡¡in¡¡a¡¡little¡¡book¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨No¡¡one¡¡sees¡¡the¡¡barn£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said¡¡finally¡£
¡¡¡¡A¡¡long¡¡silence¡¡followed¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨Once¡¡you've¡¡seen¡¡the¡¡signs¡¡about¡¡the¡¡barn£»¡¡it¡¡bees¡¡impossible¡¡to¡¡see¡¡the¡¡barn¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡He¡¡fell¡¡silent¡¡once¡¡more¡£¡¡People¡¡with¡¡cameras¡¡left¡¡the¡¡elevated¡¡site£»¡¡replaced¡¡at¡¡once¡¡by¡¡others¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨We're¡¡not¡¡here¡¡to¡¡capture¡¡an¡¡image£»¡¡we're¡¡here¡¡to¡¡maintain¡¡one¡£¡¡Every¡¡photograph¡¡reinforces¡¡the¡¡aura¡£¡¡Can¡¡you¡¡feel¡¡it£»¡¡Jack£¿¡¡An¡¡accumulation¡¡of¡¡nameless¡¡energies¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡There¡¡was¡¡an¡¡extended¡¡silence¡£¡¡The¡¡man¡¡in¡¡the¡¡booth¡¡sold¡¡postcards¡¡and¡¡slides¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨Being¡¡here¡¡is¡¡a¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡spiritual¡¡surrender¡£¡¡We¡¡see¡¡only¡¡what¡¡the¡¡others¡¡see¡£¡¡The¡¡thousands¡¡who¡¡were¡¡here¡¡in¡¡the¡¡past£»¡¡those¡¡who¡¡will¡¡e¡¡in¡¡the¡¡future¡£¡¡We've¡¡agreed¡¡to¡¡be¡¡part¡¡of¡¡a¡¡collective¡¡perception¡£¡¡This¡¡literally¡¡colors¡¡our¡¡vision¡£¡¡A¡¡religious¡¡experience¡¡in¡¡a¡¡way£»¡¡like¡¡all¡¡tourism¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡Another¡¡silence¡¡ensued¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨They¡¡are¡¡taking¡¡pictures¡¡of¡¡taking¡¡pictures£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said¡£
¡¡¡¡He¡¡did¡¡not¡¡speak¡¡for¡¡a¡¡while¡£¡¡We¡¡listened¡¡to¡¡the¡¡incessant¡¡clicking¡¡of¡¡shutter¡¡release¡¡buttons£»¡¡the¡¡rustling¡¡crank¡¡of¡¡levers¡¡that¡¡advanced¡¡the¡¡film¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¨What¡¡was¡¡the¡¡barn¡¡like¡¡before¡¡it¡¡was¡¡photographed£¿¡¨¡¡he¡¡said¡£¡¡¡¨What¡¡did¡¡it¡¡look¡¡like£»¡¡how¡¡was¡¡it¡¡different¡¡from¡¡other¡¡barns£»¡¡how¡¡was¡¡it¡¡similar¡¡to¡¡other¡¡barns£¿¡¡We¡¡can't¡¡answer¡¡these¡¡questions¡¡because¡¡we've¡¡read¡¡the¡£¡¡signs£»¡¡seen¡¡the¡¡people¡¡snapping¡¡the¡¡pictures¡£¡¡We¡¡can't¡¡get¡¡outside¡¡the¡¡aura¡£¡¡We're¡¡part¡¡of¡¡the¡¡aura¡£¡¡We're¡¡here£»¡¡we're¡¡now¡£¡¨
¡¡¡¡He¡¡seemed¡¡immensely¡¡pleased¡¡by¡¡this¡£
¡¡¡¡4
¡¡¡¡When¡¡times¡¡are¡¡bad£»¡¡people¡¡feel¡¡pelled¡¡to¡¡overeat¡£¡¡Blacksmith¡¡is¡¡full¡¡of¡¡obese¡¡adults¡¡and¡¡children£»¡¡baggy¡pantsed£»¡¡short¡legged£»¡¡waddling¡£¡¡They¡¡struggle¡¡to¡¡emerge¡¡from¡¡pact¡¡cars£»¡¡they¡¡don¡¡sweatsuits¡¡and¡¡run¡¡in¡¡families¡¡across¡¡the¡¡landscape£»¡¡they¡¡walk¡¡down¡¡the¡¡street¡¡with¡¡food¡¡in¡¡their¡¡faces£»¡¡they¡¡eat¡¡in¡¡stores£»¡¡cars£»¡¡parking¡¡lots£»¡¡on¡¡bus¡¡lines¡¡and¡¡movie¡¡lines£»¡¡under¡¡the¡¡stately¡¡trees¡£
¡¡¡¡Only¡¡the¡¡elderly¡¡seem¡¡exempt¡¡from¡¡the¡¡fever¡¡of¡¡eating¡£¡¡If¡¡they¡¡are¡¡sometimes¡¡absent¡¡from¡¡their¡¡own¡¡words¡¡and¡¡gestures£»¡¡they¡¡are¡¡also¡¡slim¡¡and¡¡healthy¡looking£»¡¡the¡¡women¡¡carefully¡¡groomed£»¡¡the¡¡men¡¡purposeful¡¡and¡¡well¡¡dressed£»¡¡selecting¡¡shopping¡¡carts¡¡from¡¡the¡¡line¡¡outside¡¡the¡¡supermarket¡£
¡¡¡¡I¡¡crossed¡¡the¡¡high¡¡school¡¡lawn¡¡and¡¡walked¡¡to¡¡the¡¡rear¡¡of¡¡the¡¡building¡¡and¡¡toward¡¡the¡¡small¡¡open¡¡stadium¡£¡¡Babette¡¡was¡¡running¡¡up¡¡the¡¡stadium¡¡steps¡£¡¡I¡¡sat¡¡across¡¡the¡¡field¡¡in¡¡the¡¡first¡¡row¡¡of¡¡stone¡¡seats¡£¡¡The¡¡sky¡¡was¡¡full¡¡of¡¡streaking¡¡clouds¡£¡¡When¡¡she¡¡reached¡¡the¡¡top¡¡of¡¡the¡¡stadium¡¡she¡¡stopped¡¡and¡¡paused£»¡¡putting¡¡her¡¡hands¡¡to¡¡the¡¡high¡¡parapet¡¡and¡¡leaning¡¡into¡¡it¡¡to¡¡rest¡¡diagonally¡£¡¡Then¡¡she¡¡turned¡¡and¡¡walked¡¡back¡¡down£»¡¡breasts¡¡chugging¡£¡¡The¡¡wind¡¡rippled¡¡her¡¡oversized¡¡suit¡£¡¡She¡¡walked¡¡with¡¡her¡¡hands¡¡on¡¡her¡¡hips£»¡¡fingers¡¡spread¡£¡¡Her¡¡face¡¡was¡¡tilted¡¡up£»¡¡catching¡¡the¡¡cool¡¡air£»¡¡and¡¡she¡¡didn't¡¡see¡¡me¡£¡¡When¡¡she¡¡reached¡¡the¡¡bottom¡¡step¡¡she¡¡turned¡¡to¡¡face¡¡the¡¡seats¡¡and¡¡did¡¡some¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡neck¡¡stretching¡¡exercise¡£¡¡Then¡¡she¡¡started¡¡running¡¡up¡¡the¡¡steps¡£
¡¡¡¡Three¡¡times¡¡she¡¡ascended¡¡the¡¡steps£»¡¡walked¡¡slowly¡¡down¡£¡¡There¡¡was¡¡no¡¡one¡¡around¡£¡¡She¡¡worked¡¡hard£»¡¡hair¡¡floating£»¡¡legs¡¡and¡¡shoulders¡¡working¡£¡¡Every¡¡time¡¡she¡¡reached¡¡the¡¡top¡¡she¡¡leaned¡¡into¡¡the¡¡wall£»¡¡head¡¡down£»¡¡upper¡¡body¡¡throbbing¡£¡¡After¡¡the¡¡last¡¡descent¡¡I¡¡met¡¡her¡¡at¡¡the¡¡edge¡¡of¡¡the¡¡playing¡¡field¡¡and¡¡embraced¡¡her£»¡¡putting¡¡my¡¡hands¡¡inside¡¡the¡¡sweatband¡¡of¡¡her¡¡gray¡¡cotton¡¡pants¡£¡¡A¡¡small¡¡plane¡¡appeared¡¡over¡¡the¡¡trees¡£¡¡Babette¡¡was¡¡moist¡¡and¡¡warm£»¡¡emitting¡¡a¡¡creaturely¡¡hum¡£
¡¡¡¡She¡¡runs£»¡¡she¡¡shovels¡¡snow£»¡¡she¡¡caulks¡¡the¡¡tub¡¡and¡¡sink¡£¡¡She¡¡plays¡¡word¡¡games¡¡with¡¡Wilder¡¡and¡¡reads¡¡erotic¡¡classics¡¡aloud¡¡in¡¡bed¡¡at¡¡night¡£¡¡What¡¡do¡¡I¡¡do£¿¡¡I¡¡twirl¡¡the¡¡garbage¡¡bags¡¡and¡¡twist¡tie¡¡them£»¡¡swim¡¡laps¡¡in¡¡the¡¡college¡¡pool¡£¡¡When¡¡I¡¡go¡¡walking£»¡¡joggers¡¡e¡¡up¡¡soundlessly¡¡behind¡¡me£»¡¡appearing¡¡at¡¡my¡¡side£»¡¡making¡¡me¡¡jump¡¡in¡¡idiotic¡¡fright¡£¡¡Babette¡¡talks¡¡to¡¡dogs¡¡and¡¡cats¡£¡¡I¡¡see¡¡colored¡¡spots¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡corner¡¡of¡¡my¡¡right¡¡eye¡£¡¡She¡¡plans¡¡ski¡¡trips¡¡that¡¡we¡¡never¡¡take£»¡¡her¡¡face¡¡bright¡¡with¡¡excitement¡£¡¡I¡¡walk¡¡up¡¡the¡¡hill¡¡to¡¡school£»¡¡noting¡¡the¡¡whitewashed¡¡stones¡¡that¡¡line¡¡the¡¡driveways¡¡of¡¡newer¡¡homes¡£
¡¡¡¡Who¡¡will¡¡die¡¡first£¿
¡¡¡¡This¡¡question¡¡es¡¡up¡¡from¡¡time¡¡to¡¡time£»¡¡like¡¡where¡¡are¡¡the¡¡car¡¡keys¡£¡¡It¡¡ends¡¡a¡¡sentence£»¡¡prolongs¡¡a¡¡glance¡¡between¡¡us¡£¡¡I¡¡wonder¡¡if¡¡the¡¡thought¡¡itself¡¡is¡¡part¡¡of¡¡the¡¡nature¡¡of¡¡physical¡¡love£»¡¡a¡¡reverse¡¡Darwinism¡¡that¡¡awards¡¡sadness¡¡and¡¡fear¡¡to¡¡the¡¡survivor¡£¡¡Or¡¡is¡¡it¡¡some¡¡inert¡¡element¡¡in¡¡the¡¡air¡¡we¡¡breathe£»¡¡a¡¡rare¡¡thing¡¡like¡¡neon£»¡¡with¡¡a¡¡me