《the kite runner》

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the kite runner- 第99部分


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ng。 Gain your quwat back; your strength。 Do you want me to help you? 
He held my glance; then looked away; his face set like stone。 His eyes were still lightless; I saw; vacant; the way I had found them when I had pulled him out of the bathtub。 I reached into the paper bag between my feet and took out the used copy of the Shah namah I had bought at the Persian bookstore。 I turned the cover so it faced Sohrab。  I used to read this to your father when we were children。 We d go up the hill by our house and sit beneath the pomegranate。。。  I trailed off。 Sohrab was looking through the window again。 I forced a smile。  Your father s favorite was the story of Rostam and Sohrab and that s how you got your name; I know you know that。  I paused; feeling a bit like an idiot。  Any way; he said in his letter that it was your favorite too; so I thought I d read you some of it。 Would you like that? 
Sohrab closed his eyes。 Covered them with his arm; the one with the bruise。
I flipped to the page I had bent in the taxicab。  Here we go;  I said; wondering for the first time what thoughts had passed through Hassan s head when he had finally read the _Shahnamah_ for himself and discovered that I had deceived him all those times。 I cleared my throat and read。  Give ear unto the bat of Sohrab against Rostam; though it be a tale replete with tears;  I began。  It came about that on a certain day Rostam rose from his couch and his mind was filled with forebodings。 He bethought him。。。  I read him most of chapter 1; up to the part where the young warrior Sohrab es to his mother; Tahmineh; the princess of Samen gan; and demands to know the identity of his father。 I closed
the book。  Do you want me to go on? There are battles ing up; remember? Sohrab leading his army to the White Castle in Iran? Should I read on? 
He shook his head slowly。 I dropped the book back in the paper bag。  That s fine;  I said; encouraged that he had responded at all。  Maybe we can continue tomorrow。 How do you feel? 
Sohrab s mouth opened and a hoarse sound came out。 Dr。 Nawaz had told me that would happen; on account of the breathing tube they had slid through his vocal cords。 He licked his lips and tried again。  Tired。 
 I know。 Dr。 Nawaz said that was to be expected……  He was shaking his head。
 What; Sohrab? 
He winced when he spoke again in that husky voice; barely above a whisper。  Tired of everything。 
I sighed and slumped in my chair。 There was a band of sunlight on the bed between us; and; for just a moment; the ashen gray face looking at me from the other side of it was a dead ringer for Hassan s; not the Hassan I played marbles with until the mullah belted out the evening azan and Ali called us home; not the Hassan I chased down our hill as the sun dipped behind clay rooftops in the west; but the Hassan I saw alive for the last time; dragging his belongings behind Ali in a warm summer downpour; stuffing them in the trunk of Baba s car while I watched through the rain…soaked window of my room。
He gave a slow shake of his head。  Tired of everything;  he repeated。
 What can I do; Sohrab? Please tell me。 
 I want……  he began。 He winced again and brought his hand to his throat as if to clear whatever was blocking his voice。 My eyes were drawn again to his wrist wrapped tightly with white gauze bandages。  I want my old life back;  he breathed。
 Oh; Sohrab。 
 I want Father and Mother jan。 I want Sasa。 I want to play with Rahim Khan sahib in the garden。 I want to live in our house again。  He dragged his forearm across his eyes。  I want my old life back。 
I didn t know what to say; where to look; so I gazed down at my hands。 Your old life; I thought。 My old life too。 I played in the same yard; Sohrab。 I lived in the same house。 But the grass is dead and a stranger s jeep is parked in the driveway of our house; pissing oil all over the asphalt。 Our old life is gone; Sohrab; and everyone in it is either dead or dying。 It s just you and me now。 Just you and me。
 I can t give you that;  I said。  I wish you hadn t…… 
 Please don t say that。 
 ……wish you hadn t。。。 I wish you had left me in the water。 
 Don t ever say that; Sohrab;  I said; leaning forward。  I can t bear to hear you talk like that。  I touched his shoulder and he flinched。 Drew away。 I
dropped my hand; remembering ruefully how in the last days before I d broken my promise to him he had finally bee at ease with my touch。  Sohrab; I can t give you your old life back; I wish to God I could。 But I can take you with me。 That was what I was ing in the bathroom to tell you。 You have a visa to go to America; to live with me and my wife。 It s true。 I promise。 
He sighed through his nose and closed his eyes。 I wished I hadn t said those last two words。  You know; I ve done a lot of things I regret in my life;  I said;  and maybe none more than going back on the promise I made you。 But that will never happen again; and I am so very profoundly sorry。 I ask for your bakhshesh; your forgiveness。 Can you do that? Can you forgive me? Can you believe me?  I dropped my voice。  Will you e with me? 
As I waited for his reply; my mind flashed back to a winter day from long ago; Hassan and I sitting on the snow beneath a leafless sour cherry tree。 I had played a cruel game with Hassan that day; toyed with him; asked him if he would chew dirt to prove his loyalty to me。 Now I was the one under the microscope; the one who had to prove my worthiness。 I deserved this。
Sohrab rolled to his side; his back to me。 He didn t say anything for a long time。 And then; just as I thought he might have drifted to sleep; he said with a croak;  I am so khasta。  So very tired。 I sat b
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