I do so with the utmost humility。 For there’s also the issue of style。 It has
always caused me great pain that I’m belittled in the Glorious Koran。 But this
pain is my way of life。 This is simply the way it is。
It’s true； God created man before the eyes of us angels。 Then He wanted us
to prostrate ourselves before this creation。 Yes； it happened the way it’s written
in “The Heights” chapter： While all the other angels bowed before man； I
refused。 I reminded all that Adam was made from mud； whereas I was created
from fire； a superior element as all of you are familiar。 So I didn’t bow before
man。 And God found my behavior； well； “proud。”
“Lower yourself from these heavens；” He said。 “It’s beyond the likes of you
to scheme for greatness here。”
“Permit me to live until Judgment Day；” I said； “until the dead arise。”
He granted His permission。 I promised that during this entire time I would
tempt the descendents of Adam； who’d been the cause of my punishment； and
He said He’d send to Hell those I’d successfully corrupted。 I don’t have to tell
you that we’ve each remained true to his word。 I have nothing more to say
about the matter。
As some will claim； at that time Almighty God and I made a pact。 According
to them； I was helping to test the Almighty’s subjects by attempting to destroy
their faith： The good； possessed of sound judgment； would not be led astray；
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while the evil； giving into their carnal desires； would sin； to later fill the depths
of Hell。 Therefore； portant： If all men went to Heaven；
no one would ever be frightened； and the world and its governments could
never function on virtue alone； for in our world evil is as necessary as virtue
and sin as necessary as rectitude。 Given that I am to thank for the genesis of
Allah’s worldly order—with His permission no less （why else would He allow
me to live until Judgment Day？）—to be branded “evil” and never be granted
my due is my hidden troment。 Men like the mystic Mansur； the wool carder；
or the famous Imam Gazzali’s younger brother Ahmet Gazzali； have taken this
line of reasoning so far as to conclude in their writings that if the sins I caused
are actually mitted through God’s permission and will； then they are what
God desires； furthermore； they maintain that good and evil do not exist
because everything emerges from God； and even I am a part of Him。
Some of these mindless men have quite appropriately been burned to death
with their books。 Of course； good and evil do exist； and the responsibility for
drawing a line between the two falls to each of us。 I am not Allah； God forbid；
and I was not the one who planted such absurdities into the heads of these
dimwits； they came up with it all by themselves。
This brings me to my second plaint： I am not the source of all the evil
and sin in the world。 Many people sin out of their own blind ambition； lust；
lack of willpower； baseness； and most often； out of their own idiocy without
any instigation； deception or temptation on my part。 However absurd the
efforts of certain learned mystics to absolve me of any evil might be； so too is
the assumption that I am the source of all of it； which also contradicts the
Glorious Koran。 I’m not the one who tempts every fruit monger who craftily
foists rotten apples upon his customers； every child who tells a lie； every
fawning sycophant； every old man who has obscene daydreams or every boy
who jacks off。 Even the Almighty couldn’t find anything evil in passing wind
or jacking off。 Sure； I work very hard so you might mit grave sins。 But
some hojas claim that all of you who gape； sneeze or even fart are my dupes；
which tells me they haven’t understood me in the least。
Let them misunderstand you； so you can dupe them all the more easily； you
might suggest。 True。 But let me remind you； I have my pride； which is what
caused me to fall out with the Almighty in the first place。 Even though I can
assume every imaginable form； and though it’s been recorded in numerous
books tens of thousands of times that I’ve successfully tempted the pious；
especially in the lust…kindling guise of a beautiful woman； can the miniaturist
brethren before me tonight please explain why they persist in picturing me as
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a misshapen； horned； long…tailed and gruesome creature with a face covered
with protruding moles？
Like so； we arrive at the heart of the matter： figurative painting。 An Istanbul
street mob incited by a preacher whose name I won’t mention so he won’t
bother you later on； condemns the following as being contrary to the word of
God： the calling of the azan like a song； the gathering of men in dervish lodges；
sitting in each other’s laps； and chanting with abandon to the acpaniment
of musical instruments； and the drinking of coffee。 I’ve heard that some of the
miniaturists among us who fear this preacher and his mob claim that I’m the
one behind all this painting in the Frankish style。 For centuries； countless
accusations have been leveled at me； but none so far from the truth。
Let’s start from the beginning。 Everybody gets caught up in my provoking
Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit and forgets about how this whole matter
began。 No； it doesn’t begin with my hubris before the Almighty； either。 Before
anything else； there’s the matter of His presenting man to us and expecting us
to bow down to him； which met with my quite appropriate and decisive
refusal—though the other angels obeyed。 Do you think it fitting that； after
creating me from fire； He require me to bow before man； whom He created
out of the crudest mud？ Oh my brethren； speak the truth of your conscience。
All right； then； I know you’ve been thinking about it and fear that anything
said here will not just remain between us： He will hear it all and one day He’ll
call you to account。 Fine； never mind why He’s provided you with that
conscience in the first instance； I agree； you’re justified in being afraid； and I’ll
forget about this question and the mud…versus…fire debate。 But there’s
something I’ll never forget—yes indeed； something I’ll always be proud of： I
never bowed down before man。
This； however； is precisely what the new European masters are doing； and
they’re not satisfied with merely depicting and displaying every single detail
down to the eye color； plexion； curvy lips； forehead wrinkles； rings and
disgusting ear hair of gentlemen； priests； wealthy merchants and even
women—including the lovely shadows that fall between their breasts。 These
artists also dare to situate their subjects in the center of the page； as if man
were meant to be worshiped； and display these portraits like idols before
which we should prostrate ourselves。 Is man important enough to warrant
being drawn in every detail； including his shadow？ If the houses on a street
were rendered according to man’s false perception that they gradually
diminish in size as they recede into the distance； wouldn’t man then
effectively be usurping Allah’s place at the center of the world？ Well； Allah；
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almighty and omnipotent； would know better than I。 But surely it’s absurd on
the face of it to credit me with the idea of these portraits； I； who having
refused to prostrate myself before man suffered untold pain and isolation； I；
who fell from God’s grace to bee the subject of curses。 It would be more
reasonable to hold me responsible； as some mullahs and preachers do； for all
the children who play with themselves and everyone who farts。
I have one last ment on this subject； but my words aren’t for men who
can’t think beyond their eagerness to show off； their carnal desires； lust for
money or other absurd passions！ Only God； in His infinite wisdom； will
understand me： Was it not You who instilled man with pride by making the
angels bow before him？ Now they regard themselves as Your angels were made
to regard them； men are worshiping themselves； placing themselves at the
center of the world。 Even your most devoted servants want to be depicted in
the style of the Frankish masters。 I know it as well as I know my own name
that this narcissism will end in their forgetting You entirely。 And I’m the one
who’ll be blamed。
How might I convince you that I don’t take all of this to heart？ Naturally；
by standing firmly on my own two feet despite centuries of merciless stonings；
curses； damnings and denouncements。 If only my angry and shallow enemies；
who never tire of condemning me； would remember that it was the Almighty
Himself who granted me life until Judgment Day； while allotting them no
more than sixty or seventy years。 If I were to advise them that they could
extend this period by drinking coffee； I knoe； because it
was Satan speaking； would do the exact opposite and refuse coffee entirely； or
worse yet； stand on their heads and try pouring it into their asses。
Don’t laugh。 It’s not the content； but the form of thought that counts。 It’s
not what a miniaturist paints； but his style。 Yet these things should be subtle。 I
was going to conclude with a love story； but it’s gotten quite late。 The honey…
tongued master storyteller who’s given me voice tonight promises to tell this
story of love when he hangs up the picture of a woman the day after
tomorrow； on Wednesday night。
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I； SHEKURE
I dreamed that my father was telling me inprehensible things； and it was
so terrifying that I woke up。 Shevket and Orhan were clinging tightly to me on
either side； and their warmth made me sweat。 Shevket had his hand on my
stomach。 Orhan was resting his sweaty head on my bosom。 Somehow； I was
able to get out of bed and leave the room without waking them。
I crossed the wide hallway and silently opened Black’s door。 In the light cast
by my candle； I couldn’t see him； only the edge of his white mattress which lay
like a shrouded body in the middle of the dark； cold room。 The candlelight
seemed unable to reach the mattress。
When I brought my hand even closer； the reddish…orange light of the candle
struck Black’s weary； unshaven face and naked shoulders。 I drew near to him。
Just as Orhan did； he slept curled up like a pill bug； and he wore the expression
of a sleeping maiden。
“This is my husband；” I said to myself。 He seemed so distant； so much a
stranger； that I was filled with sorrow。 If I’d had a dagger with me； I would’ve
murdered him—no； I didn’t actually want to do such a thing； I was only
wondering； the way children do； how it’d be if I killed him。 I didn’t believe
he’d lived for years throug