sellers had spread out cabbage； carrots and the rest in front of their shops。 But
I didn’t even have it in me to touch the plump leeks that were crying out to
me to fondle them。
I turned onto the side street； and saw that the blind Tatar was there waiting
to heckle me again。 “Tuh；” I spat in his direction； that was all。 Why doesn’t this
biting cold freeze these vagrants to death？
As Hasan silently read the letter； I could barely maintain my patience。
Finally； unable to restrain myself； I suddenly said “Yes？” and he began reading
aloud：
My Dearest Shekure； you’ve requested that I plete your father’s book。 You
can be certain that I have no other goal。 I visit your house for this reason； not to
pester you； as you’d earlier indicated。 I’m quite aware that my love for you is my
own concern。 Yet； due to this love； I’m unable properly to take up my pen and
write what your father—my dear Uncle—has requested for his book。 Whenever I
sense your presence in the house； I seize up and am of no service to your father。 I’ve
mulled this over extensively and there can be but one cause： After twelve years； I’ve
seen your face only once； when you showed yourself at the window。 Now； I quite
fear losing that vision。 If I could once more see you close…up； I’d have no fear of
losing you； and I could easily finish your father’s book。 Yesterday； Shevket brought
me to the abandoned house of the Hanged Jew。 No one will see us there。 Today； at
147
whatever time you see fit； I’ll go there and wait for you。 Yesterday； Shevket
mentioned that you dreamt your husband had died。
Hasan read the letter mockingly； in places raising his already high…pitched
voice even higher like a woman’s； and in places； emulating the trembling
supplication of a lover who’d lost all reason。 He made light of Black’s having
written his wish “to see you just once” in Persian。 He added； “As soon as Black
saw that Shekure had given him some hope； he quickly began to negotiate。
Such haggling isn’t something a genuine lover would resort to。”
“He’s genuinely in love with Shekure；” I said naively。
“This ment proves that you’ve taken Black’s side；” he said。 “If Shekure
has written that she dreamt my older brother was dead； it means she accepts
her husband’s death。”
“That was just a dream；” I said like an idiot。
“I know how smart and cunning Shevket is。 We lived together for many
years！ Without his mother’s permission and prodding； he’d never have taken
Black to the house of the Hanged Jew。 If Shekure thinks she’s through with my
older brother—with us—she’s terribly mistaken！ My older brother is still alive
and he’ll return from the war。”
Before he had a chance to conclude； he went into the next room where he
intended to light a candle； but succeeded only in burning his hand。 He let out
a howl。 All the while licking the burn； he finally lit the candle and placed it
beside a folding worktable。 He produced a reed pen from its case； dipped it
into an inkwell and began furiously writing on a small piece of paper。 I sensed
his pleasure at my watching him； and to show that I wasn’t afraid； I smiled
exaggeratedly。
“Who is this Hanged Jew； you must know？” he asked。
“Just beyond these houses there’s a yellow one。 They say that Moshe
Hamon； the beloved doctor of the previous Sultan and the wealthiest of men；
had for years hidden his Jewish mistress from Amasya and her brother there。
Years ago in Amasya； on the eve of Passover； when a Greek youth supposedly
”disappeared‘ in the Jeed that he’d been strangled
so unleavened bread could be made from his blood。 When false witnesses were
brought forward； an execution of Jews began； however； the Sultan’s beloved
doctor helped this beautiful woman and her brother escape； and hid them
with the permission of the Sultan。 After the Sultan died； His enemies couldn’t
148
find the beautiful woman； but they hanged her brother； who’d been living
alone。“
“If Shekure doesn’t wait for my brother to e back from the front； they’ll
punish her；” said Hasan； handing me the letters。
No anger or wrath could be seen on his face； just the misfortune and
sorrow particular to the love…stricken。 I suddenly saw in his eyes how fast love
had aged him。 The money he’d begun to earn working in customs hadn’t
made him more youthful at all。 After all his offended grimaces and threats； it
dawned on me that he might once again ask me how Shekure could be won
over。 But he’d e so close to being thoroughly evil that he could no
longer ask。 Once one accepts evil—and rejection in love is a significant cause
for doing so—cruelty folloe afraid of my thoughts and that
terrible red sword the boys talked about； which severed whatever it touched；
in my desperation to leave； in a near frenzy； I stumbled outside onto the street。
This was how I fell unwitting victim to the curses of the Tatar beggar。 But I
immediately pulled myself together。 I softly dropped a small stone I’d picked
off the ground into his handkerchief and said； “There you go； mangy Tatar。”
Without laughing； I watched his hand reach hopefully for the stone he
thought was a coin。 Ignoring his curses； I headed toward one of my
“daughters；” whom I’d married off to a good husband。
That sweet “daughter” of mine served me a piece of spinach pie； a leftover；
but still crisp。 For the afternoon meal she was preparing lamb stew in a sauce
heavy with beaten eggs and spiced with sour plum； just the way I like it。 So as
not to disappoint her； I waited and ate two full ladles with fresh bread。 She’d
also made a nice pote of stewed grapes。 Without any hesitation； I
requested some rose…petal jam； a spoonful of which I stirred into the pote
before topping off my meal。 Afterward； I went on to deliver the letters to my
melancholy Shekure。
149
I； SHEKURE
I was in the midst of folding and putting away the clothes that had been
washed and hung out to dry yesterday when Hayriye announced Esther had
e…or； this was what I planned to tell you。 But why should I lie？ All right
then； when Esther arrived； I was spying on my father and Black through the
closet peephole； impatiently waiting for the letters from Black and Hasan； and
thus； my mind was preoccupied with her。 Just as I sensed that my father’s
fears of death were justified； I also knew Black’s interest in me wasn’t eternal。
He was in love insofar as he wanted to be married； and because he wanted to
be married； he easily fell in love。 If not me； he’d love。 If not me； he’d marry
another； taking care to fall in love with her beforehand。
In the kitchen； Hayriye sat Esther in a corner and handed her a glass of
rosewater sherbet； as she gave me a guilty look。 I realized that since Hayriye
had bee my father’s mistress； she might be reporting to him everything
she sees。 I’m afraid that this may indeed be the case。
“My black…eyed girl； my dark…fortuned beauty； my stunning beauty of
beauties； I was delayed because Nesim； my pig of a husband； kept me occupied
with all sorts of nonsense；” said Esther。 “You have no husband senselessly
haranguing you； and I hope you know the value of this。”
She took out the letters； I snatched them from her hand。 Hayriye withdrew
to a corner where she wouldn’t be in the way； but could still hear everything
that passed between us。 So Esther wouldn’t be able to see my expression； I
turned my back on her and read Black’s letter first。 When I thought about the
house of the Hanged Jew； I shuddered for a moment。 “Don’t be afraid；
Shekure； you can manage in any situation；” I said to myself and began reading
Hasan’s letter。 He was on the verge of madness：
Shekure； I’m burning with desire； yet I know you’re not in the least concerned。
In my dreams； I see myself chasing you over deserted hilltops。 Every time you leave
one of my letters—that I know you read—unanswered； a three…feathered arrow
pierces my heart。 I’m writing in hopes that you’ll respond this time。 The word is
out； everyone’s spreading the news； even your children are saying it： You’ve
dreamed that your husband has died； and now you claim that you’re free。 I cannot
say whether or not it’s true。 What I do know is that you’re still married to my
older brother and bound to this household。 Now that my father finds me justified；
we’re both going to the judge to have you returned here。 We’ll be ing with a
150
group of men we’ve assembled； so let your father be forewarned。 Collect your
things； you’re to e back to this house。 Send your response with Esther
immediately。
After reading the letter a second time； I pulled myself together and gazed at
Esther with questioning eyes； but she told me nothing new about Hasan or
Black。
I pulled out the reed pen that I kept hidden in a corner of the pantry；
placed a sheet of paper on the breadboard and was about to begin writing a
letter to Black when I froze。
Something came to mind。 I turned toward Esther： She’d fallen upon the
rosewater sherbet with the joy of a chubby child and so it seemed ridiculous
to me that she could be aware of what was going through my mind。
“See how sweetly you’re smiling； my dear；” she said。 “Don’t worry； in the
end everything will be all right。 Istanbul is rife with rich gentlemen and pashas
who’d give their souls to be wed to a stunning beauty； possessed of so many
talents like yourself。”
You understand what I’m talking about： Sometimes you’ll say something
you’re convinced of； but no sooner do the words leave your mouth than you
ask yourself； “Why did I say this so halfheartedly； even though I believe it
through and through？” That was what happened when I said the following：
“But Esther； who’d want to marry a widow with two kids； for Heaven’s
sake？”
“A widow like you？ Plenty； a slew of men；” she said； conveying them all
with a hand gesture。
I looked into her eyes。 I was thinking I did not like her。 I fell so silent that
she knew I wasn’t going to give her a letter and even that it would be better if
she left。 After Esther had gone； I withdrew to my own corner of the house as
though I could feel my silence—how should I put it—in my soul。
Leaning on the wall； for a long while I stood still in the blackness。 I thought
of myself； of what I should do； of the fear that was growing within me。 All the
while I could hear Shevket and Orhan chattering upstairs。
“And you’re as timid as a girl；” said Shevket。 “You only attack from behind。”
“My tooth is loose；” said Orhan。
151
At the same time； another part of my mind was concentrating on what