of so harmless an individual as myself;to detect; as one or another addressed me; the tremor of a voice;which; in long…past days; had been wont to bellow through aspeaking…trumpet; hoarsely enough to frighten Boreas himself tosilence。 They knew; these excellent old persons; that; by allestablished rule… and; as regarded some of them; weighed by their ownlack of efficiency for business… they ought to have given place toyounger men; more orthodox in politics; and altogether fitter thanthemselves to serve our mon Uncle。 I knew it too; but could neverquite find in my heart to act upon the knowledge。 Much anddeservedly to my own discredit; therefore; and considerably to thedetriment of my official conscience; they continued; during myincumbency; to creep about the wharves; and loiter up and down theCustom…House steps。 They spent a good deal of time; also; asleep intheir accustomed corners; with their chairs tilted back against thewall; awaking; however; once or twice in a forenoon; to bore oneanother with the several thousandth repetition of old sea…stories; andmouldy jokes; that had grown to be passwords and countersigns amongthem。 The discovery was soon made; I imagine; that the new Surveyor had nogreat harm in him。 So; with lightsome hearts; and the happyconsciousness of being usefully employed… in their own behalf; atleast; if not for our beloved country… these good old gentlemen wentthrough the various formalities of office。 Sagaciously under theirspectacles; did they peep into the holds of vessels! Mighty wastheir fuss about little matters; and marvellous; sometimes; theobtuseness that allowed greater ones to slip between their fingers!Whenever such a mischance occurred… when a waggon…load of valuablemerchandise had been smuggled ashore; at noonday; perhaps; anddirectly beneath their unsuspicious noses… nothing could exceed thevigilance and alacrity with which they proceeded to lock; anddouble…lock; and secure with tape and sealing…wax; all the avenuesof the delinquent vessel。 Instead of a reprimand for their previousnegligence; the case seemed rather to require an eulogium on theirpraiseworthy caution; after the mischief had happened; a gratefulrecognition of the promptitude of their zeal; the moment that therewas no longer any remedy。 Unless people are more than monly disagreeable; it is myfoolish habit to contract a kindness for them。 The better part of mypanion's character; if it have a better part; is that which usuallyes uppermost in my regard; and forms the type whereby I recognisethe man。 As most of these old Custom…House officers had good traits;and as my position in reference to them; being paternal andprotective; was favourable to the growth of friendly sentiments; Isoon grew to like them all。 It was pleasant; in the summerforenoons… when the fervent heat; that almost liquefied the rest ofthe human family; merely municated a genial warmth to theirhalf…torpid systems… it was pleasant to hear them chatting in the backentry; a row of them all tipped against the wall; as usual; whilethe frozen witticisms of past generations were thawed out; and camebubbling with laughter from their lips。 Externally; the jollity ofaged men has much in mon with the mirth of children; the intellect;any more than a deep sense of humour; has little to do with thematter; it is; with both; a gleam that plays upon the surface; andimparts a sunny and cheery aspect alike to the green branch; and grey;mouldering trunk。 In one case; however; it is real sunshine; in theother; it more resembles the phosphorescent glow of decaying wood。 It would be sad injustice; the reader must understand; torepresent all my excellent old friends as in their dotage。 In thefirst place; my coadjutors were not invariably old; there were menamong them in their strength and prime; of marked ability andenergy; and altogether superior to the sluggish and dependent modeof life on which their evil stars had cast them。 Then; moreover; thewhite locks of age were sometimes found to be the thatch of anintellectual tenement in good repair。 But; as respects the majority ofmy corps of veterans; there will be no wrong done; if I characterisethem generally as a set of wearisome old souls; who had gatherednothing worth preservation from their varied experience of life。They seemed to have flung away all the golden grain of practicalwisdom; which they had enjoyed so many opportunities of harvesting;and most carefully to have stored their memories with the husks。They spoke with far more interest and unction of their morning'sbreakfast; or yesterday's; to…day's; or to…morrow's dinner; than ofthe shipwreck of forty or fifty years ago; and all the world's wonderswhich they had witnessed with their youthful eyes。 The father of the Custom…House… the patriarch; not only of thislittle squad of officials; but; I am bold to say; of the respectablebody of tide…waiters all over the United States… was a certainpermanent Inspector。 He might truly be termed a legitimate son ofthe revenue system; dyed in the wool; or; rather; born in thepurple; since his sire; a Revolutionary colonel; and formerlycollector of the port; had created an office for him; and appointedhim to fill it; at a period of the early ages which few living men cannow remember。 This Inspector; when I first knew him; was a man offourscore years; or thereabouts; and certainly one of the mostwonderful specimens of winter…green that you would be likely todiscover in a lifetime's search。 With his florid cheek; his pactfigure; smartly arrayed in a bright…buttoned blue coat; his briskand vigorous step; and his hale and hearty aspect; altogether heseemed… not young; indeed… but a kind of new contrivance of MotherNature in the shape of man; whom age and infirmity had no businessto touch。 His voice and laugh; which perpetually reechoed throughthe Custom…House; had nothing of the tremulous quaver and cackle of anold man's utterance; they came strutting out of his lungs; like thecrow of a cock; of the blast of a clarion。 Looking at him merely as ananimal… and there was very little else to look at… he was a mostsatisfactory object; from the thorough healthfulness and wholesomenessof his system; and his capacity; at that extreme age; to enjoy all; ornearly all; the delights which he had ever aimed at; or conceivedof。 The careless security of his life in the Custom…House; on aregular ine; and with but slight and infrequent apprehensions ofremoval; had no doubt contributed to make time pass lightly overhim。 The original and more potent causes; however; lay in the rareperfection of his animal nature; the moderate proportion of intellect;and the very trifling admixture of moral and spiritual ingredients;these latter qualities; indeed; being in barely enough measure to keepthe old gentleman from walking on all…fours。 He possessed no powerof thought; no depth of feeling; no troublesome sensibilities;nothing; in short; but a few monplace instincts; which; aided bythe cheerful temper that grew inevitably out of his physicalwell…being; did duty very respectably; and to general acceptance; inlieu of a heart。 He had been the husband of three wives; all longsince dead; the father of twenty children; most of whom; at everyage of childhood or maturity; had likewise returned to dust。 Here; onewould suppose; might have been sorrow enough to imbue the sunniestdisposition; through and through; with a sable tinge。 Not so withour old Inspector! One brief sigh sufficed to carry off the entireburden of these dismal reminiscences。 The next moment; he was as readyfor sport as any unbreeched infant; far readier than the Collector'sjunior clerk; who; at nieen years; was much the elder and graverman of the two。 I used to watch and study this patriarchal personage with; Ithink; livelier curiosity than any other form of humanity therepresented to my notice。 He was; in truth; a rare phenomenon; soperfect in one point of view; so shallow; so delusive; soimpalpable; such an absolute nonentity; in every other。 Myconclusion was that he had no soul; no heart; no mind; nothing; as Ihave already said; but instincts: and yet; withal; so cunningly hadthe few materials of his character been put together; that there wasno painful perception of deficiency; but; on my part; an entirecontentment with what I found in him。 It might be difficult… and itwas so… to conceive how he should exist hereafter; so earthly andsensuous did he seem; but surely his existence here; admitting that itwas to terminate with his last breath; had been not unkindly given;with no higher moral responsibilities than the beasts of the field;but with a larger scope of enjoyment than theirs; and with all theirblessed immunity from the dreariness and duskiness of age。 One point; in which he had vastly the advantage over his four…footedbrethren; was his ability to recollect the good dinners which it hadmade no small portion of the happiness of his life to eat。 Hisgourmandism was a highly agreeable trait; and to hear him talk ofroast…meat was as appetising as a pickle or an oyster。 As he possessedno higher attribute; and neither sacrificed nor vitiated any spiritualendowment by devoting all his energies and ingenuities to subserve thedelight and profit of his maw; it always pleased and satisfied me tohear him expatiate on fish; poultry; and butcher's meat; and themost eligible methods of preparing them for the table。 Hisreminiscences of good cheer; however ancient the date of the actualbanquet; seemed to bring the savour of pig or turkey under one'svery nostrils。 There were flavours on his palate; that had lingeredthere not less than sixty or seventy years; and were stillapparently as fresh as that of the mutton…chop which he had justdevoured for his breakfast。 I have heard him smack his lips overdinners; every guest at which; except himself; had long been foodfor worms。 It was marvellous to observe how the ghosts of bygone mealswere continually rising up before him; not in anger or retribution;but as if grateful for his former appreciation; and seeking torepudiate an endless series of enjoyment; at once shadowy and sensual。A tenderloin of beef; a hind…quarter of veal; a spare…rib of pork; aparticular chicken; or a remarkably praiseworthy turkey; which hadperhaps adorned his board in the days of the elder Adams; would beremembered; while all the subsequent experience of our race; and allthe events that brightened or darkened his individual career; had goneover him with as little permanent effect as the passing breeze。 Thechief tragic event of the old man's life; so far as I could judge; washis mishap with a certain goose; which lived and died some twenty orforty years ago; a goose of most promising figure; but which; attable; proved so inveterately tough that the carving…knife wouldmake no impression on its carcass; and it could only be divided withan axe and handsaw。 But it is time to quit this sketch; on which; however; I should beglad to dwell at considerably more length; because; of all men whomI have ever known; this individual was fittest to be a Custom…Houseofficer。 Most persons; owing to causes which I may not have space tohint at; suffer moral detriment from this peculiar mode of life。 Theold Inspector was incapable of it; and; were he to continue inoffice to the end of time; would be just as good as he was then; andsit down to
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