afterward。; He pushed a hand through his hair。 ;You were bound to learn
the truth sooner or later。 I wanted to tell you myself I just 。。。
couldn't。;
Slowly he turned to face her。 His eyes held unfathomable pain。 ;When we
made love察Anne察it was magnificent。 We might fight about little things
but when we came together that day察it was heaven。 I kept thinking that
if you knew how much I loved you察you'd forgive me。 If I could have
prevented that accident察─he said on a note of defeat察 I would have
believe me察I would have。;
;I never blamed you for that crash
;The guilt has been unbearable察─he said as though he hadn't heard her。
;It's irrational and unjustified察but it's real。 You have no idea。
Between the plane and the car。。 。; He shook his head。
Anne was missing something。 Quietly察she said察 What car拭
He turned away察took a shuddering breath察straightened in resignation。
;My wife was killed in an automobile accident three weeks before that
plane crash。 It was late at night。 The roads were icy。 Our car was hit
head on by a man who'd had too much to drink。; He looked back over his
shoulder。 ;I was at the wheel。;
Anne stared dumbly at him察and suddenly she was the one overwhelmed with
grief She hadn't asked how Mitch's wife had died察because that was
against the rules。 But she should have known that the death of a young
woman would be tragic no matter how it occurred。
;It wasn't your fault察─she reasoned。
His eyes flashed。 ;I was driving If only I'd driven slower or faster
or taken a different route。; He hung his head。 When he raised it again
his anger was spent。 ;Remember the nightmare you had拭Mine was no dream。
I was able to pull Bey out of the car察only to watch her die in my arms。
There was nothing I could do。 A battered arm was the least of my
punishment。 The plane crash seemed an extension of it。 Then;´he pressed
his lips together and nodded´;then I found you。;
Anne swallowed hard。 He wandered across the room察seeming aimless察as
though it didn't matter where he went。 She had never seen him like this
had never heard his voice so bleak or so sad。
;I had fallen in love with you long before I made the connection between
Jeff's death and my airline。 In an odd way察I felt you were my only
chance at happiness察at building a new life。 I was terrified of losing
you。 I didn't know what would happen when I told you what I knew。 I
wanted to think you'd understand察but the stakes were so high。;
He turned to face her察earnest now。 ;I never lied to you about the
crash察Anne。 I just didn't tell you the whole truth。 It's tormented me
for months。 But the longer the deception went on察the worse my sin and
the greater the risk of ing clean。 I was afraid that once you knew
you'd despise me。; For a long and heartrending moment察he stared at her。
Then he cursed softly。 ;What's察what's the use。 It's happened察and I
deserve it。 I was too blinded by my own need to see to yours。; He took a
ragged breath。 ;I just wonder when the punishment will end。; Turning on
his heel察he stalked out of the room察leaving Anne alone and in shock。
The slam of the back door jolted her察but even then it was a minute
before she could move。 Bolting up察she ran after him out of the house
stumbling on the steps察catching herself and running on。 The hammer of
her heart made breathing difficult察but she didn't stop。
He was fast disappearing into the woods。 Frantically she followed
running on through the low growth until she reached a clearing。 He sat
there with his back to her察brooding among the dandelions。 The sun
glanced off his hair in sparkles察but his hunched form was grim。
;Mitch拭
She crept nearer。
;Mitch察I'm sorry察so sorry。; She tried to touch him察but pulled back
when he flinched。 So she hunkered down inches behind him and said察 I've
been wrong。 Please forgive me。 It was cruel of me not to listen察not to
even ask questions察but it hurt to know that there was so much I didn't
know察after everything that we'd shared。 Because of what we'd shared察I
should have given you the chance to explain察but I loved you so much。
Finding out who you were like that was awful。 Try to understand。;
This time when she touched his shoulder察he allowed it。
;I've always been nayve察─she explained not to make excuses for herself
but so that Mitch would know more。 ;My life was easy and happy and
charmed。 Maybe I felt immune to tragedy。 I'd never known any察not until
the crash察and then I couldn't believe Jeff was gone。 It couldn't happen
to me。;
She moved closer。 ;Then I found you。 I love you察Mitch。 I fought it for
a long time。 I was afraid of suffering the kind of pain I had suffered
loving Jeff and losing him。 When I saw you in that lawyer's office察the
two worlds came together。 I should have trusted you。 I should have known
that there was an explanation。 So help me察I was afraid to listen。 Maybe
I was punishing myself。 Maybe I was feeling guilty for finding happiness
with you。; Her voice broke。
His eyes met hers察then察and they were filled with the same
vulnerability she felt。 It gave her the strength to finish。
;My God察Mitch察haven't we both suffered enough拭Isn't it time to end
the punishment拭I love you。;
;Do you察Anne拭─he asked unsurely察huskily察hopefully。 ;Do you love me
enough to want to wake up in my arms every day察knowing that I make
mistakes拭
;Knowing that you're human拭It's a relief察y'know拭
A sound came from his throat察no察from his soul察it was that deep察and
he pulled her around and crushed her in his arms。 ;I love you察Annie察
he whispered with a rush of feeling。 ;Don't ever察ever turn away from me
again。 Don't shut me out。 I can't survive it。;
He kissed her察then pulled back and made a show of licking his lips。
;Salt拭
She smiled through her tears。 ;That's happiness。 You'll have to bear
with me。;
;I think I can manage it察─he said with infinite tenderness and brushed
the tears from her cheeks。 ;I do love you。;
He showed her how much right there under the sun察worshipping her first
with clothes察then without察making love to her on the soft carpet of new
grass and dandelion puffs。 It was hotter察harder察sweeter than it had
ever been before察a preview of what it might be in twenty or thirty
years' time。
When later they lay still and let the sun stroke their naked bodies察she
nuzzled his neck。 ;This is heaven。;
He patted her bottom。 ;Let's hope there's no poison ivy around here。;
When she bolted upright察he burst out laughing。
;Is there拭─she asked。
He pulled her back to his chest。 ;No poison ivy。 Just me。;
;Will you give me a rash拭
He laughed again。 ;Hopefully one very special itch now and again察never
a rash。;
She stretching against him察so pleased to hear him laugh and know she
was its cause。 ;You have no idea how I love you。;
;Not as much as I love you。;
;No拭Wanna bet on that拭
;You're on察─he said and rolled over her to settle the matter。
Through no lack of trying察it was far from settled by the next morning。
Awakening with the sun in a happy glo his bed
pulled on his large shirt察and went to the front door。 As it opened she
caught the sweet scent of the lilacs。 In the week's tumult she hadn't
noticed them before。 Now she smiled in delight at the shapely
pink´purple clusters and the full察rich fragrance。
Snapping off a small cluster察she returned to his bed察dropped the
shirt察and slid quietly between the sheets。 She lay on her stomach and
watched Mitch sleep察seeing the same peace on his face that she felt
inside。
One sleepy hazel eye opened。 He smiled lazily。
She moved the spray of lavender under his nose。 ;The lilacs are in
bloom。 Spring is here。; As her lover's hand wound through her hair to
draw her in for a good morning kiss察she knew that it truly was。
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