and I find no improvement in it。 Therefore to have the opportunity of
speaking to one so well informed about it as yourself； is an immense
relief to me。 Quite a boon。 Quite a blessing； I am sure。'
'Pardon me；' returned Clennam； 'but I am not in Mr Henry Gowan's
confidence。 I am far from being so well informed as you suppose me to
be。 Your mistake makes my position a very delicate one。 No word on this
topic has ever passed between Mr Henry Gowan and myself。'
Mrs Gowan glanced at the other end of the room； where her son was
playing ecarte on a sofa； with the old lady who was for a charge of
cavalry。
'Not in his confidence？ No；' said Mrs Gowan。 'No word has passed between
you？ No。 That I can imagine。 But there are unexpressed confidences； Mr
Clennam； and as you have been together intimately among these people； I
cannot doubt that a confidence of that sort exists in the present case。
Perhaps you have heard that I have suffered the keenest distress of
mind from Henry's having taken to a pursuit which……well！' shrugging her
shoulders； 'a very respectable pursuit； I dare say； and some artists
are； as artists； quite superior persons； still； we never yet in our
family have gone beyond an Amateur； and it is a pardonable weakness to
feel a little……'
As Mrs Gowan broke off to heave a sigh； Clennam； however resolute to
be magnanimous； could not keep down the thought that there was mighty
little danger of the family's ever going beyond an Amateur； even as it
was。
'Henry；' the mother resumed； 'is self…willed and resolute； and as these
people naturally strain every nerve to catch him； I can entertain very
little hope； Mr Clennam； that the thing will be broken off。 I apprehend
the girl's fortune will be very small； Henry might have done much
better； there is scarcely anything to pensate for the connection：
still； he acts for himself； and if I find no improvement within a short
time； I see no other course than to resign myself and make the best of
these people。 I am infinitely obliged to you for what you have told
me。' As she shrugged her shoulders； Clennam stiffly bowed again。 With an
uneasy flush upon his face； and hesitation in his manner； he then said
in a still lower tone than he had adopted yet：
'Mrs Gowan； I scarcely knoyself of what I feel to be a
duty； and yet I must ask you for your kind consideration in
attempting to discharge it。 A misconception on your part； a very great
misconception if I may venture to call it so； seems to require setting
right。 You have supposed Mr Meagles and his family to strain every
nerve； I think you said……'
'Every nerve；' repeated Mrs Gowan； looking at him in calm obstinacy；
with her green fan between her face and the fire。
'To secure Mr Henry Gowan？'
The lady placidly assented。
'Now that is so far；' said Arthur； 'from being the case； that I know
Mr Meagles to be unhappy in this matter； and to have interposed all
reasonable obstacles with the hope of putting an end to it。'
Mrs Gowan shut up her great green fan； tapped him on the arm with it；
and tapped her smiling lips。 'Why； of course；' said she。 'Just what I
mean。'
Arthur watched her face for some explanation of what she did mean。
'Are you really serious； Mr Clennam？ Don't you see？'
Arthur did not see； and said so。
'Why； don't I know my son； and don't I know that this is exactly the way
to hold him？' said Mrs Gowan； contemptuously； 'and do not these Miggles
people know it； at least as well as I？ Oh； shrewd people； Mr Clennam：
evidently people of business！ I believe Miggles belonged to a Bank。 It
ought to have been a very profitable Bank； if he had much to do with its
management。 This is very well done； indeed。'
'I beg and entreat you； ma'am……' Arthur interposed。
'Oh； Mr Clennam； can you really be so credulous？'
It made such a painful impression upon him to hear her talking in this
haughty tone； and to see her patting her contemptuous lips with her
fan； that he said very earnestly； 'Believe me； ma'am； this is unjust； a
perfectly groundless suspicion。'
'Suspicion？' repeated Mrs Gowan。 'Not suspicion； Mr Clennam； Certainty。
It is very knowingly done indeed； and seems to have taken YOU in
pletely。' She laughed； and again sat tapping her lips with her fan；
and tossing her head； as if she added； 'Don't tell me。 I know such
people will do anything for the honour of such an alliance。'
At this opportune moment； the cards were thrown up； and Mr Henry Gowan
came across the room saying； 'Mother； if you can spare Mr Clennam for
this time； we have a long way to go； and it's getting late。' Mr Clennam
thereupon rose； as he had no choice but to do； and Mrs Gowan showed him；
to the last； the same look and the same tapped contemptuous lips。
'You have had a portentously long audience of my mother；' said Gowan； as
the door closed upon them。 'I fervently hope she has not bored you？'
'Not at all；' said Clennam。
They had a little open phaeton for the journey； and were soon in it on
the road home。 Gowan； driving； lighted a cigar； Clennam declined one。 Do
what he would； he fell into such a mood of abstraction that Gowan said
again； 'I am very much afraid my mother has bored you？' To which he
roused himself to answer； 'Not at all！' and soon relapsed again。
In that state of mind which rendered nobody uneasy； his thoughtfulness
would have turned principally on the man at his side。 He would have
thought of the morning when he first saw him rooting out the stones with
his heel； and would have asked himself； 'Does he jerk me out of the
path in the same careless； cruel way？' He would have thought； had this
introduction to his mother been brought about by him because he knew
what she would say； and that he could thus place his position before
a rival and loftily warn him off； without himself reposing a word of
confidence in him？ He would have thought； even if there were no such
design as that； had he brought him there to play with his repressed
emotions； and torment him？ The current of these meditations would have
been stayed sometimes by a rush of shame； bearing a remonstrance to
himself from his own open nature； representing that to shelter such
suspicions； even for the passing moment； was not to hold the high；
unenvious course he had resolved to keep。 At those times； the striving
within him would have been hardest； and looking up and catching Gowan's
eyes； he would have started as if he had done him an injury。
Then； looking at the dark road and its uncertain objects； he would have
gradually trailed off again into thinking； 'Where are we driving； he
and I； I wonder； on the darker road of life？ How will it be with us； and
with her； in the obscure distance？' Thinking of her； he would have been
troubled anew with a reproachful misgiving that it was not even loyal to
her to dislike him； and that in being so easily prejudiced against him
he was less deserving of her than at first。
'You are evidently out of spirits；' said Gowan； 'I am very much afraid
my mother must have bored you dreadfully。' 'Believe me； not at all；'
said Clennam。 'It's nothing……nothing！'
CHAPTER 27。 Five…and…Twenty
A frequently recurring doubt； whether Mr Pancks's desire to collect
information relative to the Dorrit family could have any possible
bearing on the misgivings he had imparted to his mother on his return
from his long exile； caused Arthur Clennam much uneasiness at this
period。 What Mr Pancks already knew about the Dorrit family； what more
he really wanted to find out； and why he should trouble his busy head
about them at all； were questions that often perplexed him。 Mr Pancks
was not a man to waste his time and trouble in researches prompted by
idle curiosity。 That he had a specific object Clennam could not doubt。
And whether the attainment of that object by Mr Pancks's industry might
bring to light； in some untimely way； secret reasons which had induced
his mother to take Little Dorrit by the hand； was a serious speculation。
Not that he ever wavered either in his desire or his determination to
repair a wrong that had been done in his father's time； should a
wrong e to light； and be reparable。 The shadow of a supposed act
of injustice； which had hung over him since his father's death； was
so vague and formless that it might be the result of a reality widely
remote from his idea of it。 But； if his apprehensions should prove to
be well founded； he was ready at any moment to lay down all he had； and
begin the world anew。 As the fierce dark teaching of his childhood had
never sunk into his heart； so that first article in his code of morals
was； that he must begin； in practical humility； with looking well to
his feet on Earth； and that he could never mount on wings of words to
Heaven。 Duty on earth； restitution on earth； action on earth； these
first； as the first steep steps upward。 Strait was the gate and narrow
was the way； far straiter and narrower than the broad high road paved
with vain professions and vain repetitions； motes from other men's eyes
and liberal delivery of others to the judgment……all cheap materials
costing absolutely nothing。
No。 It was not a selfish fear or hesitation that rendered him
uneasy； but a mistrust lest Pancks might not observe his part of the
understanding between them； and； making any discovery； might take some
course upon it without imparting it to him。 On the other hand； when he
recalled his conversation with Pancks； and the little reason he had to
suppose that there was any likelihood of that strange personage being
on that track at all； there were times when he wondered that he made so
much of it。 Labouring in this sea； as all barks labour in cross seas； he
tossed about and came to no haven。
The removal of Little Dorrit herself from their customary association；
did not mend the matter。 She was so much out； and so much in her own
room； that he began to miss her and to find a blank in her place。 He had
written to her to inquire if she were better； and she had written
back； very gratefully and earnestly telling him not to be uneasy on her
behalf； for she was quite well； but he had not seen her； for what； in
their intercourse； was a long time。
He returned home one evening from an interview with her father； who had
mentioned that she was out visiting……which was what he always said
when she was hard at work to buy his supper……and found Mr Meagles in an
excited state walking up and down his room。 On his opening the door； Mr
Meagles stopped； faced round； and said：
'Clennam！……Tattycoram！'
'What's the matter？'
'Lost！'
'Why； bless my heart alive！' cried Clennam in amazement。 'What do you
mean？'
'Wouldn't count five…and…twenty； sir； couldn't be got to do it； stopped
at eight； and took herself off。'
'Left your house？'
'Never to e back；' said Mr Meagles； shaking his head。 'You don't know
that girl's passionate and proud character。 A team of horses couldn't
draw her back now； the bolts and bars of the old Bastille couldn't keep
her。'
'How did it happen？ Pray sit down and tell me。'
'As to how it happened； it's not so easy to relate： because you must
have the unfortunate temperament of the poor impetuous girl herself；
before you can fully understand it。 B