《little dorrit-信丽(英文版)》

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little dorrit-信丽(英文版)- 第36部分


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eyes; the outside of that window had been a distant star on other nights
than this。 She had toiled out of her way; tired and troubled; to look up
at it; and wonder about the grave; brown gentleman from so far off; who
had spoken to her as a friend and protector。

'There were three things;' said Little Dorrit; 'that I thought I would
like to say; if you were alone and I might e up…stairs。 First; what I
have tried to say; but never can……never shall……'

'Hush; hush! That is done with; and disposed of。 Let us pass to the
second;' said Clennam; smiling her agitation away; making the blaze
shine upon her; and putting wine and cake and fruit towards her on the
table。

'I think;' said Little Dorrit……'this is the second thing; sir……I think
Mrs Clennam must have found out my secret; and must know where I e
from and where I go to。 Where I live; I mean。'

'Indeed!' returned Clennam quickly。 He asked her; after short
consideration; why she supposed so。

'I think;' replied Little Dorrit; 'that Mr Flintwinch must have watched
me。'

And why; Clennam asked; as he turned his eyes upon the fire; bent his
brows; and considered again; why did she suppose that?

'I have met him twice。 Both times near home。 Both times at night; when
I was going back。 Both times I thought (though that may easily be my
mistake); that he hardly looked as if he had met me by accident。' 'Did
he say anything?'

'No; he only nodded and put his head on one side。'

'The devil take his head!' mused Clennam; still looking at the fire;
'it's always on one side。' He roused himself to persuade her to put some
wine to her lips; and to touch something to eat……it was very difficult;
she was so timid and shy……and then said; musing again: 'Is my mother at
all changed to you?'

'Oh; not at all。 She is just the same。 I wondered whether I had better
tell her my history。 I wondered whether I might……I mean; whether you
would like me to tell her。 I wondered;' said Little Dorrit; looking at
him in a suppliant way; and gradually withdrawing her eyes as he looked
at her; 'whether you would advise me what I ought to do。'

'Little Dorrit;' said Clennam; and the phrase had already begun; between
these two; to stand for a hundred gentle phrases; according to the
varying tone and connection in which it was used; 'do nothing。 I will
have some talk with my old friend; Mrs Affery。 Do nothing; Little
Dorrit……except refresh yourself with such means as there are here。 I
entreat you to do that。'

'Thank you; I am not hungry。 Nor;' said Little Dorrit; as he softly
put her glass towards her; 'nor thirsty。……I think Maggy might like
something; perhaps。'

'We will make her find pockets presently for all there is here;' said
Clennam: 'but before we awake her; there was a third thing to say。'

'Yes。 You will not be offended; sir?'

'I promise that; unreservedly。'

'It will sound strange。 I hardly know how to say it。 Don't think it
unreasonable or ungrateful in me;' said Little Dorrit; with returning
and increasing agitation。

'No; no; no。 I am sure it will be natural and right。 I am not afraid
that I shall put a wrong construction on it; whatever it is。'

'Thank you。 You are ing back to see my father again?'

'Yes。'

'You have been so good and thoughtful as to write him a note; saying
that you are ing to…morrow?'

'Oh; that was nothing! Yes。'

'Can you guess;' said Little Dorrit; folding her small hands tight in
one another; and looking at him with all the earnestness of her soul
looking steadily out of her eyes; 'what I am going to ask you not to
do?'

'I think I can。 But I may be wrong。' 'No; you are not wrong;' said
Little Dorrit; shaking her head。 'If we should want it so very; very
badly that we cannot do without it; let me ask you for it。'

'I Will;……I Will。'

'Don't encourage him to ask。 Don't understand him if he does ask。 Don't
give it to him。 Save him and spare him that; and you will be able to
think better of him!'

Clennam said……not very plainly; seeing those tears glistening in her
anxious eyes……that her wish should be sacred with him。

'You don't know what he is;' she said; 'you don't know what he really
is。 How can you; seeing him there all at once; dear love; and not
gradually; as I have done! You have been so good to us; so delicately
and truly good; that I want him to be better in your eyes than in
anybody's。 And I cannot bear to think;' cried Little Dorrit; covering
her tears with her hands; 'I cannot bear to think that you of all the
world should see him in his only moments of degradation。'

'Pray;' said Clennam; 'do not be so distressed。 Pray; pray; Little
Dorrit! This is quite understood now。'

'Thank you; sir。 Thank you! I have tried very much to keep myself from
saying this; I have thought about it; days and nights; but when I knew
for certain you were ing again; I made up my mind to speak to you。
Not because I am ashamed of him;' she dried her tears quickly; 'but
because I know him better than any one does; and love him; and am proud
of him。'

Relieved of this weight; Little Dorrit was nervously anxious to be gone。
Maggy being broad awake; and in the act of distantly gloating over the
fruit and cakes with chuckles of anticipation; Clennam made the best
diversion in his power by pouring her out a glass of wine; which she
drank in a series of loud smacks; putting her hand upon her windpipe
after every one; and saying; breathless; with her eyes in a prominent
state; 'Oh; ain't it d'licious! Ain't it hospitally!' When she had
finished the wine and these eniums; he charged her to load her basket
(she was never without her basket) with every eatable thing upon the
table; and to take especial care to leave no scrap behind。 Maggy's
pleasure in doing this and her little mother's pleasure in seeing Maggy
pleased; was as good a turn as circumstances could have given to the
late conversation。

'But the gates will have been locked long ago;' said Clennam; suddenly
remembering it。 'Where are you going?'

'I am going to Maggy's lodging;' answered Little Dorrit。 'I shall be
quite safe; quite well taken care of。'

'I must acpany you there;' said Clennam; 'I cannot let you go alone。'

'Yes; pray leave us to go there by ourselves。 Pray do!' begged Little
Dorrit。

She was so earnest in the petition; that Clennam felt a delicacy in
obtruding himself upon her: the rather; because he could well understand
that Maggy's lodging was of the obscurest sort。 'e; Maggy;' said
Little Dorrit cheerily; 'we shall do very well; we know the way by this
time; Maggy?'

'Yes; yes; little mother; we know the way;' chuckled Maggy。 And away
they went。 Little Dorrit turned at the door to say; 'God bless you!' She
said it very softly; but perhaps she may have been as audible above……who
knows!……as a whole cathedral choir。

Arthur Clennam suffered them to pass the corner of the street before he
followed at a distance; not with any idea of encroaching a second time
on Little Dorrit's privacy; but to satisfy his mind by seeing her secure
in the neighbourhood to which she was accustomed。 So diminutive she
looked; so fragile and defenceless against the bleak damp weather;
flitting along in the shuffling shadow of her charge; that he felt; in
his passion; and in his habit of considering her a child apart from
the rest of the rough world; as if he would have been glad to take her
up in his arms and carry her to her journey's end。

In course of time she came into the leading thoroughfare where the
Marshalsea was; and then he saw them slacken their pace; and soon turn
down a by…street。 He stopped; felt that he had no right to go further;
and slowly left them。 He had no suspicion that they ran any risk of
being houseless until morning; had no idea of the truth until long; long
afterwards。

But; said Little Dorrit; when they stopped at a poor dwelling all in
darkness; and heard no sound on listening at the door; 'Now; this is a
good lodging for you; Maggy; and we must not give offence。 Consequently;
we will only knock twice; and not very loud; and if we cannot wake them
so; we must walk about till day。'

Once; Little Dorrit knocked with a careful hand; and listened。 Twice;
Little Dorrit knocked with a careful hand; and listened。 All was close
and still。 'Maggy; we must do the best we can; my dear。 We must be
patient; and wait for day。'

It was a chill dark night; with a damp wind blowing; when they came out
into the leading street again; and heard the clocks strike half…past
one。 'In only five hours and a half;' said Little Dorrit; 'we shall be
able to go home。' To speak of home; and to go and look at it; it being
so near; was a natural sequence。 They went to the closed gate; and
peeped through into the court…yard。 'I hope he is sound asleep;' said
Little Dorrit; kissing one of the bars; 'and does not miss me。'

The gate was so familiar; and so like a panion; that they put down
Maggy's basket in a corner to serve for a seat; and keeping close
together; rested there for some time。 While the street was empty and
silent; Little Dorrit was not afraid; but when she heard a footstep at
a distance; or saw a moving shadow among the street lamps; she was
startled; and whispered; 'Maggy; I see some one。 e away!' Maggy
would then wake up more or less fretfully; and they would wander about a
little; and e back again。

As long as eating was a novelty and an amusement; Maggy kept up pretty
well。 But that period going by; she became querulous about the cold; and
shivered and whimpered。 'It will soon be over; dear;' said Little Dorrit
patiently。 'Oh it's all very fine for you; little mother;' returned
Maggy; 'but I'm a poor thing; only ten years old。' At last; in the dead
of the night; when the street was very still indeed; Little Dorrit laid
the heavy head upon her bosom; and soothed her to sleep。 And thus she
sat at the gate; as it were alone; looking up at the stars; and seeing
the clouds pass over them in their wild flight……which was the dance at
Little Dorrit's party。

'If it really was a party!' she thought once; as she sat there。 'If it
was light and warm and beautiful; and it was our house; and my poor dear
was its master; and had never been inside these walls。

And if Mr Clennam was one of our visitors; and we were dancing to
delightful music; and were all as gay and light…hearted as ever we could
be! I wonder……' Such a vista of wonder opened out before her; that
she sat looking up at the stars; quite lost; until Maggy was querulous
again; and wanted to get up and walk。

Three o'clock; and half…past three; and they had passed over London
Bridge。 They had heard the rush of the tide against obstacles; and
looked down; awed; through the dark vapour on the river; had seen little
spots of lighted water where the bridge lamps were reflected; shining
like demon eyes; with a terrible fascination in them for guilt and
misery。 They had shrunk past homeless people; lying coiled up in
nooks。 They had run from drunkards。 They had started from slinking men;
whistling and signing to one another at bye corners; or running away at
full speed。 Though everywhere the leader and the guide; Little Dorrit;
happy for once in her youthful appearance; feigned to cling to 
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