《little dorrit-信丽(英文版)》

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little dorrit-信丽(英文版)- 第160部分


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had belied); and the desecrated ceremony of marriage there had
secretly been between them; and the terrors of want and shame that had
overwhelmed them both when I was first appointed to be the instrument of
their punishment; and the love (for she said the word to me; down at my
feet) in which she had abandoned him and left him to me; was it my enemy
that became my footstool; were they the words of my wrath that made her
shrink and quiver! Not unto me the strength be ascribed; not unto me the
wringing of the expiation!'

Many years had e and gone since she had had the free use even of
her fingers; but it was noticeable that she had already more than once
struck her clenched hand vigorously upon the table; and that when she
said these words she raised her whole arm in the air; as though it had
been a mon action with her。

'And what was the repentance that was extorted from the hardness of her
heart and the blackness of her depravity? I; vindictive and implacable?
It may be so; to such as you who know no righteousness; and no
appointment except Satan's。 Laugh; but I will be known as I know
myself; and as Flintwinch knows me; though it is only to you and this
half…witted woman。'

'Add; to yourself; madame;' said Rigaud。 'I have my little suspicions
that madame is rather solicitous to be justified to herself。'

'It is false。 It is not so。 I have no need to be;' she said; with great
energy and anger。

'Truly?' retorted Rigaud。 'Hah!'

'I ask; what was the penitence; in works; that was demanded of her?

〃You have a child; I have none。 You love that child。 Give him to me。 He
shall believe himself to be my son; and he shall be believed by every
one to be my son。 To save you from exposure; his father shall swear
never to see or municate  from
being stripped by his uncle; and to save your child from being a beggar;
you shall swear never to see or municate with either of them more。
That done; and your present means; derived from my husband; renounced;
I charge myself with your support。 You may; with your place of retreat
unknown; then leave; if you please; uncontradicted by me; the lie that
when you passed out of all knowledge but mine; you merited a good name。〃
That was all。 She had to sacrifice her sinful and shameful affections;
no more。 She was then free to bear her load of guilt in secret; and to
break her heart in secret; and through such present misery (light enough
for her; I think!) to purchase her redemption from endless misery; if
she could。 If; in this; I punished her here; did I not open to her a way
hereafter? If she knew herself to be surrounded by insatiable vengeance
and unquenchable fires; were they mine? If I threatened her; then and
afterwards; with the terrors that enpassed her; did I hold them in my
right hand?'

She turned the watch upon the table; and opened it; and; with an
unsoftening face; looked at the worked letters within。

'They did not forget。 It is appointed against such offences that the
offenders shall not be able to forget。 If the presence of Arthur was a
daily reproach to his father; and if the absence of Arthur was a daily
agony to his mother; that was the just dispensation of Jehovah。 As well
might it be charged upon me; that the stings of an awakened conscience
drove her mad; and that it was the will of the Disposer of all things
that she should live so; many years。 I devoted myself to reclaim the
otherwise predestined and lost boy; to give him the reputation of an
honest origin; to bring him up in fear and trembling; and in a life of
practical contrition for the sins that were heavy on his head before his
entrance into this condemned world。 Was that a cruelty? Was I; too;
not visited with consequences of the original offence in which I had no
plicity? Arthur's father and I lived no further apart; with half the
globe between us; than when we were together in this house。 He died;
and sent this watch back to me; with its Do not forget。 I do NOT forget;
though I do not read it as he did。 I read in it; that I was appointed
to do these things。 I have so read these three letters since I have
had them lying on this table; and I did so read them; with equal
distinctness; when they were thousands of miles away。'

As she took the watch…case in her hand; with that new freedom in the use
of her hand of which she showed no consciousness whatever; bending her
eyes upon it as if she were defying it to move her; Rigaud cried with a
loud and contemptuous snapping of his fingers。 'e; madame! Time runs
out。 e; lady of piety; it must be! You can tell nothing I don't know。
e to the money stolen; or I will! Death of my soul; I have had enough
of your other jargon。 e straight to the stolen money!'

'Wretch that you are;' she answered; and now her hands clasped her head:
'through what fatal error of Flintwinch's; through what inpleteness
on his part; who was the only other person helping in these things and
trusted with them; through whose and what bringing together of the ashes
of a burnt paper; you have bee possessed of that codicil; I know no
more than how you acquired the rest of your power here……'

'And yet;' interrupted Rigaud; 'it is my odd fortune to have by me; in a
convenient place that I know of; that same short little addition to the
will of Monsieur Gilbert Clennam; written by a lady and witnessed by the
same lady and our old intriguer! Ah; bah; old intriguer; crooked little
puppet! Madame; let us go on。 Time presses。 You or I to finish?'

'I!' she answered; with increased determination; if it were possible。
'I; because I will not endure to be shown myself; and have myself
shown to any one; with your horrible distortion upon me。 You; with your
practices of infamous foreign prisons and galleys would make it the
money that impelled me。 It was not the money。'

'Bah; bah; bah! I repudiate; for the moment; my politeness; and say;
Lies; lies; lies。 You know you suppressed the deed and kept the money。'

'Not for the money's sake; wretch!' She made a struggle as if she were
starting up; even as if; in her vehemence; she had almost risen on her
disabled feet。 'If Gilbert Clennam; reduced to imbecility; at the point
of death; and labouring under the delusion of some imaginary relenting
towards a girl of whom he had heard that his nephew had once had a fancy
for her which he had crushed out of him; and that she afterwards drooped
away into melancholy and withdrawal from all who knew her……if; in that
state of weakness; he dictated to me; whose life she had darkened with
her sin; and who had been appointed to know her wickedness from her
own hand and her opense to her
for supposed unmerited suffering; was there no difference between my
spurning that injustice; and coveting mere money……a thing which you; and
your rades in the prisons; may steal from anyone?'

'Time presses; madame。 Take care!'


'If this house was blazing from the roof to the ground;' she returned;
'I would stay in it to justify myself against my righteous motives being
classed with those of stabbers and thieves。'

Rigaud snapped his fingers tauntingly in her face。 'One thousand guineas
to the little beauty you slowly hunted to death。 One thousand guineas
to the youngest daughter her patron might have at fifty; or (if he
had none) brother's youngest daughter; on her ing of age; 〃as the
remembrance his disinterestedness may like best; of his protection of
a friendless young orphan girl。〃 Two thousand guineas。 What! You will
never e to the money?'

'That patron;' she was vehemently proceeding; when he checked her。

'Names! Call him Mr Frederick Dorrit。 No more evasions。'

'That Frederick Dorrit was the beginning of it all。 If he had not been
a player of music; and had not kept; in those days of his youth and
prosperity; an idle house where singers; and players; and such…like
children of Evil turned their backs on the Light and their faces to the
Darkness; she might have remained in her lowly station; and might not
have been raised out of it to be cast down。 But; no。 Satan entered into
that Frederick Dorrit; and counselled him that he was a man of innocent
and laudable tastes who did kind actions; and that here was a poor girl
with a voice for singing music with。 Then he is to have her taught。 Then
Arthur's father; who has all along been secretly pining in the ways of
virtuous ruggedness for those accursed snares which are called the Arts;
bees acquainted with her。 And so; a graceless orphan; training to be
a singing girl; carries it; by that Frederick Dorrit's agency; against
me; and I am humbled and deceived!……Not I; that is to say;' she added
quickly; as colour flushed into her face; 'a greater than I。 What am I?'

Jeremiah Flintwinch; who had been gradually screwing himself towards
her; and who was now very near her elbow without her knowing it; made a
specially wry face of objection when she said these words; and moreover
twitched his gaiters; as if such pretensions were equivalent to little
barbs in his legs。

'Lastly;' she continued; 'for I am at the end of these things; and I
will say no more of them; and you shall say no more of them; and all
that remains will be to determine whether the knowledge of them can
be kept among us who are here present; lastly; when I suppressed that
paper; with the knowledge of Arthur's father……'

'But not with his consent; you know;' said Mr Flintwinch。

'Who said with his consent?' She started to find Jeremiah so near her;
and drew back her head; looking at him with some rising distrust。 'You
were often enough between us when he would have had me produce it and
I would not; to have contradicted me if I had said; with his consent。 I
say; when I suppressed that paper; I made no effort to destroy it; but
kept it by me; here in this house; many years。 The rest of the Gilbert
property being left to Arthur's father; I could at any time; without
unsettling more than the two sums; have made a pretence of finding
it。 But; besides that I must have supported such pretence by a direct
falsehood (a great responsibility); I have seen no new reason; in
all the time I have been tried here; to bring it to light。 It was a
rewarding of sin; the wrong result of a delusion。 I did what I was
appointed to do; and I have undergone; within these four walls; what
I was appointed to undergo。 When the paper was at last destroyed……as
I thought……in my presence; she had long been dead; and her patron;
Frederick Dorrit; had long been deservedly ruined and imbecile。 He had
no daughter。 I had found the niece before then; and what I did for her;
was better for her far than the money of which she would have had no
good。' She added; after a moment; as though she addressed the watch:
'She herself was innocent; and I might not have forgotten to relinquish
it to her at my death:' and sat looking at it。

'Shall I recall something to you; worthy madame?' said Rigaud。 'The
little paper was in this house on the night when our friend the
prisoner……jail…rade of my soul……came home from foreign countries。
Shall I recall yet something more to you? The little singing…bird
that never was fledged; was long kept in a cage by a guardian of your
appointing; well enough known to our old intriguer here。 S
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